I can't handle my DS meltdowns anymore

[notgivingin789]

Hey all;

I normally post on the special needs board; but reckon I would get more replies here.

DS has a social communication disorder and verbal dyspraxia. His 6.
His behaviour is becoming out of control and I am at my wits end.

DS has started a new thing; that whenever he gets angry; he thinks its ok to lash out at people. We had an atrocious morning today; we take the train to school. On the train, for whatever reason, DS was angry over something and he started to gently kick me; I told DS " No stop, no kicking". He proceeded to get even more angry, spitting at me and was holding on to the other passengers, this may of looked innocent to others; but knowing DS and how he treats me when his angry; I knew he may try to get aggressive towards them. So I told DS that " we are coming off the train, until he calms down"; which we did and to which he obviously doesn't like. DS started to get angry and began to push and hit me; but I kept telling him that "until he calms down; he won't be able to get on to the train". We went back on the next train; and he was crying; but he wasn't being aggressive towards me.

When we got off the train and began to walk to his school; he was angry and crying so I literally had to drag him into school today as he refused to walk.

I'm actually at my wits end with this new behaviour his now exhibiting. I'm considering to take him on the bus to school from now on, it will take an hour to get to his school if I did this; but I feel I can protect him, myself and others from his harm if I did this as there wouldn't be people around me. On the train it's a bit difficult as people are around us; but on the seat of a bus; I can barricade him more easily and I would continue with the method that If he stars misbehaving; I would get off the bus for him to calm down and we can get back on the bus.

I'm not sure if this is the right thing.

But this behaviour is so draining; I literally wanted to break down; his becoming very oppositional; not listening and he wasn't like this before ! I don't know what's happening to him.

I feel like a shit mum as it is; and I know people were laughing at us when on the train (sigh).

[ImperialBlether]

People were laughing at you? That's appalling. It sounds incredibly stressful as you must be worrying about him being late if you're having to get on and off of trains on top of having to deal with his behaviour. You must feel as though you've done a day's work by the time he gets to school.

[pictish]

I just wanted to acknowledge I had read. I'm afraid I have no advice. It does sound very hard indeed and I'm not surprised you're at the end of your tether. You're not a shit mum...the opposite is true. You are incredibly strong and committed.

[Lonnysera]

Blooming heck that's hard. I have a similar child, and am reading "the explosive child" by Ross W Greene. It's enlightening, highly recommend it.

[Lonnysera]

Also have a quick google of pathological demand avoidance. It's mostly driven by anxiety. I found that fitted my boy far more than other descriptors.

[Lonnysera]

I know this isn't helpful but I avoid public transport like the plague. There's too much going on, too many unpredictable things, too many stimuli, and it's a great recipe for disaster in my experience. S there any way you can drive him back and to? That's a long bus ride!

[notgivingin789]

I just broke down.

I tried to remain strong but I can't.

I'm 22 and I know people are thinking that I'm just some little kid who can't control her brat of her child. DS loves going on transport; but his the type of kid that when his angry about something; he will be angry till the end of the day. As if his holding a grudge; but not ifyswim. So say like his angry that I told him off, as an example, he would proceed to get angry for the whole day. That's how DS is like.

[Lonnysera]

Yep! Sounds like mine! If it's any consolation I'm 45 so comfortably old enough to be your mother and I struggle too!

It does sound a lot like PDD, does it look familiar to you?

[notgivingin789]

Lonnie it does, but I doubt that they would diagnose him because of his existent diagnosis and they would most likely contribute it to that.

[Lonnysera]

Possibly. In a way though, it doesn't matter much because it's the strategies you put in place that will make the difference.

I feel for you. It's exhausting.

[insan1tyscartching]

My ds who has autism and sounds very much like ds at 6 is now 22 so the same age as you. You are far braver than I was as we gave up on public transport from the age of 4 until he was 16 and unbelievable as it sounds he now travels to college 26 miles by bus independently.
Things that you might like to try instead of telling him what not to do tell him what you want instead so don't say "no,don't kick" say "feet on the floor, good sitting" and praise like mad if he complies.
Does he have a ds/ipod or some other gadget ? If not,I'dinvest in some sort of gadget and headphones and make public transport the time he gets to play on it. The ipod was the thing that made public transport bearable for ds.
I wouldn't get off the bus,it just lengthens the torment. I'd have some laminated cards that I'd pass to people gawping that said "this child has a disability, your patience and tolerance is much appreciated"
for you, it will get easier,ds is pretty much a delight most of the time these days.

[Lonnysera]

Oh yes, phones etc! When mine were very small I had my judge pants right up my crack about parents giving their kids iPads etc. Now, we do not MOVE without them being on hand, plus backup chargers and headphones!