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does it get better?

(24 Posts)
needcoffee22 Wed 22-Jun-16 20:45:03

Sorry if I'm in the wrong section but I couldn't see a section for people about to go deranged due to a newborn baby!

My baby is three week old, I love him so much - but... Each day is very hard! I feel like I'm living with a time bomb and it will never end! So unpredictable, don't know when I can go out. When he will want fed. When he will cry at me for no reason.

If he isn't sleeping, he is crying or feeding or I'm changing his nappy. He also suffers badly with wind and I can see it bothers him, trying our best to work on his wind and spend loads of time winding him during and after his bottle.

He gives us a maximum two hours of sleep before it starts all over again. Yes - I do know that's what newborns do but I didn't expect such despair from myself each day!

I feel like I can't get out much, I feel like I'm failing miserably!

Does it get easier? Will I start to enjoy my time with this baby that I love?

Doje Wed 22-Jun-16 20:48:35

Yes, it gets so much better!

For me, a routine emerged around 4 - 6 weeks and it makes you can plan a bit more (If you are that way inclined!)

I arranged things around my baby, lunch, cake, walks etc

My breakthrough was when bottles were 3 hours apart.

Lymphy Wed 22-Jun-16 20:57:00

You are not failing, I remember when my husband went back to work after two weeks paternity I use to feel ill, I didn't know when he was hungry, tired, had wind, but you know what, you will be able to recognise these wants and very soon!! I remember one night putting him down ( knowing I had a hour or two tops before we started again) and thought, bloody hell this is going to happen every night and I have to do it all again tomorrow!! It gets easier and it gets fun!! I'm back to work now but I'd give my left leg to go back to those squishy newborn days xx

needcoffee22 Wed 22-Jun-16 21:03:02

Thank you doje! I feel like I wishing his first few weeks away - but I never knew the baby I wanted so badly would make each day very hard! It's the crying for everything and not being very confident to help him.

Going out makes me nervous! He needs burped and sometimes I can't hear his burps in loud places!

I can't get my sh*t together before 12pm, in laws asking me every day - 'have you been out today, you need to get out'! I'm really trying, it's just not as easy as I thought.

Hat's off to people who do this with another child to care for also! confused

needcoffee22 Wed 22-Jun-16 21:06:08

Thanks lymphy! When he is being cute and snuggly its he best - when he is crying I panic and sometimes I just want to shove him back up my noon to get some peace.

It's like Groundhog Day, but instead of 'day' it's like every two hours is on repeat.

I'm on week three. I'm hoping week 6 is when I notice a difference.

Lymphy Wed 22-Jun-16 21:11:43

Been there got the t-shirt! It will get better scouts honor, my baby was long awaited, I imagined this perfect little life with our new family ( oh how I laugh) nothing can prepare you for your first baby absolutely nothing, I didn't leave my bedroom for about two weeks, my hair and teeth didn't see a brush for three!! If your dressed and have brushed your teeth your doing better than me!! Xx

MadSprocker Wed 22-Jun-16 21:17:08

It really, really does get better. I remember my husband coming home from work, and me not being dressed.

Perhaps try to get out for an early evening walk altogether. It won't be too hot, and hopefully you will feel a bit more human.

I think the lack of sleep is the bit you can't prepare for until it hits you.

Try to get to the baby weighing clinic when you can, in a month or so you will have got much more into the swing of things.

Doje Wed 22-Jun-16 21:20:03

You'll gain confidence as you get to know him more. With DS1 I spent so much time worrying about what to do, when really, all he ever wanted was food! You'll start to preempt what's next and get things will get smoother.

And sleeps become more set too. With both of mine, they want from basically sleeping then eating and nothing else, to sleep - food - and basically napping every 2 hours. DS2 (8 months) still naps every 2 hours.

You'll become more confident, and getting out will be easier.

As for the burping, feel for the tummy deflating!

needcoffee22 Wed 22-Jun-16 21:29:50

Thank you all.

I am hiding upstairs whilst husband watches him, can never fully switch off though.

His little tummy always feels full after a feed, I always feel he is full of wind!

Quietlyalert Wed 22-Jun-16 21:43:35

the early weeks can be incredibly hard - I remember feeling like life would never be normal again, was very anxious and felt like I'd made a terrible mistake (lack of sleep makes it all so much worse). slowly, I adjusted to life as a mum, became more confident and started to enjoy my daughter. I have a bubbly two year old now (and trying for a second!) and whilst there are different challenges now, I wouldn't change it. I agree with the advice to get out each day if you can, i know it's not easy but it made me feel more normal and the more you do it the more confident you will become (something that helped me was looking at other people and realising that for every one of them, some mum somewhere had been through exactly what I was going through!). have you tried Infacol for the wind? if you feel like you aren't coping though, do seek professional help. also perhaps seek out local mother and baby groups where other mums will be in the same boat. give yourself time - it's very early days (and congratulations on the new baby). x

needcoffee22 Wed 22-Jun-16 21:48:58

Thank you quietlyalert!

I am out most days, I have sensory classes to attend, weight clinic, and once I can drive (c-section) I'll be meeting up with others a bit further a field. Just a big performance to get out the door and I'm pooping myself the whole time!

Talking on here has helped, I have ventured back down stairs as I actually missed him! Even though tomorrow when I'm in the thick of it I'll want to be back upstairs!

We have Infacol, not sure if it's working as we have used it fairly early on. Have been told to try comfort milk also which I will. Winding him just seems like it upsets him even more and he is harder to settle once winded. Wouldn't not wind him as he at times looks pained with wind.

Confidence and having a routine is something I'm very much looking forward to.

NickyEds Wed 22-Jun-16 22:06:52

It gets easier! And sooner than you can imagine. I can honestly say that the first three weeks with my (much loved, honestly!) Son were nothing short of a nightmare. You actually sound like you're doing quite well by comparisonsmile. You will find over the next few weeks that a very loose routine develops. You will gain in confidence. You will get to know his different cries and know how to respond to them. I swore I would never have another and mine are 19 months apart!

Wolfiefan Wed 22-Jun-16 22:10:35

Bless you! I remember this. (And I didn't have a section to deal with!)
At this stage you just need to do the basics. Sod getting out if you don't want to. Do what you feel able to do. When you want to do it.
When you do feel ready to start getting out and about have a bag packed and ready. So if you are out today and use two nappies, you put two nappies in the bag when you get home. That way you aren't scrabbling about trying to pack a bag.

Mishaps Wed 22-Jun-16 22:15:01

The early weeks are very hard indeed, because it is so new - no-one can tell you beforehand how tough it can be. And the tiredness is unimaginable until you have actually been there!

But it is interesting that it is often better with the second or subsequent children and this is not because the babies are any less demanding, but because you know what to expect and above all else feel confident.

You will build up confidence and the two of you will begin to understand each other and get into a routine. It just takes time. One of the difficulties is that their digestive systems are new and untried and take a while to settle down - so there is always lots of crying - but it is his means of communication - think of it as baby speech. It is not evidence that you are doing things wrong.

It will come right - honest guv!

Newmamatobe Wed 22-Jun-16 22:26:08

What a pleasure to read this thread! I have been going OUT of my mind today!! Single parent with 17 week DD and it's just SO tiring and hard - completely lost it today just from the pace of it all.. Mum had DD and I stomped and cursed like a teenager - then laughed at myself..

Towards the end of the day though, DD giggled a new sound and I loved it haha what a turmoil this is..

I do feel as a new mummy biggest obstacle is my own mind - comparing to other mums who I assume are sailing along, or mums with multiple children and feeling guilty for the help I have from family.. These threads really are valuable in that respect..

The wind DOES get better OP. I tried Infacol, Colief and Dentinox and didn't really notice a difference so stopped - for me Gripe water really worked but it's too early for your baby yet... Now, at 17 weeks winding is kind of a robotic act like driving I don't really think about it and she handles most of it herself by making rude noises in the most inappropriate of times haha..,

Still not mastered the art of getting out early, but am slowly changing my standards - leaving little jobs until she's in bed at night like tidying around and house type jobs which I've always done before leaving the house.. Learning to prioritise what is absolutely essential for DD - and even then I'm mostly in a basic form of dress, hair turf up wet from the shower and make up free!

Oh well it could be a LOT worse!!

MadSprocker Thu 23-Jun-16 17:28:38

If you don't have to get up and out quickly, take your time. There will be more of that when they get to school age.

Don't ever feel guilty about needing your space. Mine are 13 and 10, and my own time makes me a better person, and is important to me.

needcoffee22 Thu 23-Jun-16 17:45:31

Thank you all, today has been a tough day. He just cried at me all day if he is not eating or sleeping.

I don't know what is normal. Even if he is being cuddled he will cry within 10 minutes.

He just never seems content and cries for no reason and it is very distressing.

ElspethFlashman Thu 23-Jun-16 17:57:39

I found Dentinox a million times better than anything else but other people find other things better.....basically buy all possible permutations in the pharmacy and try them all!

And don't discount reflux. Even if he's not puking he could still have a burning sensation. Do a search on here for it as there's been 1000 threads on it. Gaviscon vs omeprazole vs ranitidine etc.

And then theres always dairy intolerance. But that tends to be distress lower down cos they can't digest. So they'll be pooing a lot but have a lot of obvious lower gastric discomfort, especially at night. And the poos may be so acidic they burn your eyes

But babies mainly cry cos they're either hungry or not napped enough. He should be napping every 2 hrs at that age and don't assume he'll drop off on his own. Oh no. The little feckers don't do that. You have to rock them to sleep.

Groundhog Day indeed!

minipie Thu 23-Jun-16 18:12:38

Yes it gets SO much better!

IME it gets a bit better by 10 weeks. They have got much quicker at feeding and better at burping by around then which really helps. And they are smiling more and a bit less fragile, and you feel more confident.
Then a bit better again around 13 weeks
Then a lot better around 16 weeks (some previously good sleeper babies hit the "4 month sleep regression" at this point, but if your baby never slept anyway then you won't notice any difference grin)
Then it actually starts to be vaguely fun around 6 months
Then at 10 months they begin to interact and be a little person and it's really all upwards from there (until you hit age 2 and new challenges start, but even then it's not hard like the newborn days were hard).

If going out doesn't help you then don't do it. People kept pressuring me to get out more but it just felt like something else I had to get done.

needcoffee22 Thu 23-Jun-16 18:46:21

I'm laughing, elspeth!!

He is already on gaviscon as we think he might have reflux, doctors handed it out Willy nilly!

Is there anything I can buy over the counter - I can't drive yet and dh is working and getting to the doctors during the day isn't going to happen just now.

He is just over three weeks so gripe water is out - was going to try comfort milk? Already on the Infacol.

He prefers to be propped up, but does sleep 50% of the time in his Moses basket. But we have to let him sleep on our chests before he goes in. He is only three weeks so have to cut him a bit of slack with the neediness.

After he ate, he slept in my arms and every 45 seconds or so he would cry for a short burst then fall back to sleep. No idea what this is.

needcoffee22 Thu 23-Jun-16 18:47:42

Thanks minipie - the pressure to get out is so much. I can barely brush my teeth or eat. But feel I have to get out so I can report back that I did in fact adult today.

ElspethFlashman Thu 23-Jun-16 19:00:00

A wise person once said to me "After 6 weeks you start leaving the house....after 12 weeks you start leaving the house on time".

I was shocked at how true it was.

Oh and the sleeping on you before transfer thing? Thats not going to go away too fast so don't fight it. I'm talking months.

needcoffee22 Sat 17-Sep-16 15:06:06

Update! I like to do updates so that any other mum out there is reading this thread (I read old threads all the time when googling) the they know what has happened or if I can say anything to make it better.

So, yes, my baby had silent reflux. He has been on Rantidine for over 12 weeks now and is such a happy baby.

I feel he was upset mainly because of his reflux and I urge mums not to take the answer from the gp when he/she tells you 'it's colic'. I didn't, I went to the hospital with baby as he seemed in so much pain. Paediatrician called silent reflux instantly. It may my be silent reflux but it is worth being aware of the signs that it may be.

Baby is now 15 weeks and apart from reflux everything got better from about week 10 for us.

Always remember when you are in the thick of a hard stage; This too shall pass.

needcoffee22 Sat 17-Sep-16 15:07:17

Sorry for typo's

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