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Should I be concerned about my 2yr old?

(11 Posts)
XmisskimX Mon 20-Jun-16 10:16:02

I am a first time mum and my boy is going to be 2 in a couple of months.
I can't help but be concerned about his development.
It all started earlier in the year when a friend commented that he doesn't register that anyone is around him at public events and that he didn't respond to his name.
It has been playing on my mind so much we went to a HV centre a couple of months back and she said she would get our own HV to get in contact.
Months later and still not heard from them. I want to chase them up but my OH thinks it is all in my head and I am looking for things to be wrong.
At nearly two he does not point but sometimes looks when I point at an object. He doesn't follow instructions (pass object, put object in, fetch object etc). He rarely responds to his name. He does make okay eye contact when we are at home but as soon as we step out the house it's like his development goes backwards. He doesn't make eye contact, doesn't listen, breaks away from holding hands and does a runner or if on reins just sits on the ground (wet or dry). He does bring his cup to me when he wants a drink or goes to the kitchen stair gate near feeding times. He can count to 14 and back from 10. He knows colours, some shapes, some animals sounds and a good selection of songs including the alphabet. He despises being cuddled and the only physical contact I get is when he uses me as a climbing frame.
He is also really clumsy and on a daily basis trips over or bumps himself (normally on the head). He is unable to use cutlery and uses his fingers. He 'zones' out a lot and just seems to be in his own little world at times. At toddler group he just ignores the other children and has no fear to just run off and do his own thing or go up and get in other parents personal space.
I'm sorry for the long winded message but I feel like I am the only one concerned for my boy! My OH is in complete denial and reckons the HV would of contacted if concerned but he does not spend as much time with him as I do.
When I see other children interact with their parents, playing with them, cuddling and kissing them, following them around and knowing they are there it truly breaks my heart. I sometimes feel like he's not my son and he doesn't realise I'm his mum sad
I just don't know what to do.....if to chase up the HV or what I can do to help our bond/ his development. Any advise would be greatly appreciated.

mummathreeboys Mon 20-Jun-16 10:21:35

If you have concerns then you should chase hv. He should have an 18 month - 2 year check around now.

When did he last have his hearing checked?

meowli Mon 20-Jun-16 10:24:17

Definitely, definitely chase up HV if you are worried. I'm not saying there's any need, but you must go with your gut instinct. You could bypass HV and make an appointment with GP to ask for a referral to an appropriate health professional for an assessment for ds, and to discuss your concerns.

Pythonesque Mon 20-Jun-16 10:34:41

Definitely sounds like he needs hearing and developmental checks done, go with your own instincts and expect to be taken seriously. Some of what you are describing sounds potentially normal for age, some definitely needs thinking about properly. And if nothing else YOU need the reassurance of someone dealing with your concerns thoughtfully and seriously.

hazeyjane Mon 20-Jun-16 10:37:34

I agree that you should seek out some assessments, and I would go to the GP and discuss your concerns, and ask to be referred to a developmental paediatrician. It sounds as though your HV is not being very helpful.

Does he attend any sort of daycare, where they have raised any concerns?

XmisskimX Mon 20-Jun-16 11:09:13

Thanks for your replies smile

He's not had his hearing checked since he was a newborn but I've never thought about his hearing as he comes running/ responds when I say 'what has mummy got?' (Normally his drink or snack etc). He also looks up/aware when things like the front door opens.
My first initial appointment was with a GP and she advised me to take him to the walk in HV clinic which we did. I remember feeling a bit fobbed off by her sad
We do attend a toddler group, a stay and play group. None of the staff have expressed any concerns. The only comments they have made are 'He's a happy little lad' and 'he's got no fear of going off and doing his own thing'.
He doesn't check in with me at all whilst we are there, he doesn't seem to even register that I'm there sad

hazeyjane Mon 20-Jun-16 11:18:28

Hearing tests can pick up the fine tuning bit of hearing, so your child may be able to pick up on the gist of what you are going on, but struggle if there are background noises etc. It is something worth getting checked.

Is there another gp you can see? A GP should also refer you to the audiology department for hearing tests.

The other route you could take is to google your local Speech and Language service, they should have an advice line, and you should be able to self refer - you could say that you have concerns about his overall development, and his communication skills (the zoning out for example). Speech and Language look at all sorts of developmental concerns, and could be a good starting point. They would almost certainly recommend a hearing test too.

The toddler group people wouldn't be people who have an understanding of child development, so I wouldn't worry too much about what they say. Nursery and preschool workers do have an understanding of child development and often see things where others might not.

It is really hard when you feel as though your child is not developing along the same lines as other children, and this is a difficult age where the lines between what is usual and what is not are often blurred - however, it sounds as though you have concerns, and so it is definitely the right thing to follow up on them and not be fobbed off.


XmisskimX Mon 20-Jun-16 12:01:44

Thank you for your advice ☺️
I will most certainatly try and different GP (and dig my heels in if feel like they are not listening) or if that fails, take matters into my own hands.
Having an issue with hearing would certainatly also explain his clumsiness!
I think I just need to be a bit more forceful with them and the other half and if there's nothing wrong I can stop stressing about it and just enjoy being a mum smile

hazeyjane Mon 20-Jun-16 12:12:27

Unfortunately stressing and kicking arse comes with the mum job! It sounds like you are doing great, so please don't beat yourself up.

Update us on how you get on, and good luck.

Sammythemummy Mon 20-Jun-16 22:42:06

Start Therapy with him now whilst waiting for referrals, books like It takes Two To Talk and More than Words are really good with increasing attention. The Verbal Behaviour Approach book is also good at helping children engage with the adult.

Good luck

XmisskimX Tue 21-Jun-16 16:38:58

Thanks for the great advise smile

I mentioned the books to the other half and because he's in denial he thinks they are very expensive and is questioning if we need them. I swear I am beating my head against a brick wall sometimes! Don't get me wrong, he is a wonderful father and him and my son have a great relationship (all be it a bit boisterous at times) but he just doesn't want to accept there MAY be an issue sad
Is there anywhere I can source the books for free? I have checked my local library but nothing is showing up on there database.

I also just wanted to check, for my own peace of mind as my other half won't seem to let it go. When my son was around 15 months old he was eating a snack in his high chair. I thought I had done up his straps but looking back at it now I don't think they clicked in properly. I popped into the kitchen to my boy a drink and as I went to go back to him he fell out of his high chair. He didn't move or make a sound for what seemed like a lifetime (was around 10 seconds) but then screamed the place down. He didn't vomit and appeared as normal after a few minutes and walked around fine. I contacted the doctor and because he returned to what appeared normal didn't seem too concerned.
My question is, could an incident caused any long term damage we may not know about that could explain his lack of development? I only ask because every time I try and discuss his skills with the other half I always get the comment 'well a severe bang to the head can't have helped'. It's not meant in a nasty way but I beat myself up about it every time it's mentioned sad

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