Tween DD - Taming the sass

[monkeychop]

Please can I have your top tips for taming the sass and backchat from a tween DD (11) ??

The way she talks to me has me screaming the house down....and I don't think that is the way forward .

[ffon]

Ah, posting here in the hopes of wise words from someone. Mine has a constantly curled lip and a shrugged shoulder. That's when she's not destroying something belonging to her younger sibling.

[SeratoninIsMyFriend]

Not rising to it - ad infinitum. I do, frequently, and it always makes things worse.

Depending on her mood, making fun of it carefully can reduce it - either mimicking, or mentioning that naughty teenager who's invaded her head, or just calmly saying she needs to say it again without the sass please. Have to be careful this doesn't come across as teasing or belittling.

Mostly ignoring though. It's painful.

[MadauntofA]

I have one of those! I sometimes use the: "That is fine, I'll take that no/ why should I do it/ I'm busy doing more important things/ add statement of choice (she has just given me when asking her to do something) and return it later." then wait till a "mum, can you...." And repeat her statement. Helps if you add some of the dramatic poses/ tone of voice etc

[NoMudNoLotus]

Am joining to get some tips too!

It's exhausting me at the mo - I can literally feel my BP rising during one of her many "moments".

[insan1tyscartching]

Ignore all the muttering under breath, the sarcasm,the strops, the door slamming,pretend you haven't noticed. Only when they are directly rude or abusive to you do you react. Give an icy stare, tell them it's unacceptable and tell them to leave the room until they are ready to apologise to you. Failing to remove themselves and/or apologise means a consequence (taking the phone or console or turning off wifi is very much hated here) They still need to apologise but the consequence lasts 24 hours after apology regardless so any refusal to apologise or sulking just lengthens the phone/wifi ban

[NoMudNoLotus]

Totally agree insan

[DramaAlpaca]

I can confirm that insan1ty's approach is very effective with tween boys as well

[ffon]

I fear my DD's behaviour, well some of it, stems from low self esteem. She is desperate to be noticed, yet not. Self conscious. That painful tween stage. A lot of it is bravado, a posture and I don't know how to boost her confidence without being in danger of allowing her to get away with rudeness.
If only she would engage with something other than her tablet!

[monkeychop]

Thanks insan1ty have been trying to ignore and I will report back with any progress.

to you all on here with tween DDs and DSs (but especially the ones with DDs )

[insan1tyscartching]

I'm on my fifth teen now and I have learnt a lot poor dd stands no chance against my collective experience of her siblings. She's as good as gold though the majority of the time if only ds2 had been the youngest