Baby not attached?(5 Posts)
I'm wondering if anyone has been through a similar situation or has any advice. My 9 month old DS will go to any of his relatives who he sees regularly without hesitation. He sees my MIL about once a week and he adores her, she's very hands on and tends to his every need. He only seems to have separation anxiety with her - not me. Is that normal? I'm his mum, the person who does absolutely everything for him, if you've read my other post then you'll know I'm pretty much his slave, I give him everything and more and I try my absolute best to make him happy. Yet he doesn't have separation anxiety with me. For instance if I take him to MIL's he will go straight to her and he gets so happy and excited and completely forgets I'm there, and if I go to pick him up or hold him he clings to her like a baby monkey. It's the same when I go to collect him and bring him home if he's stayed overnight. He will seem happy to see me (not thrilled like he is when he sees MIL) but then he wants to go straight back to her and squirms to get away from me and he will kick up a fuss when I peel him away to take him home. It sort of feels like he thinks MIL is his real mum and I'm just an evil lady who takes him away from her and only lets him see her once a week. Do I sound like a crazy lady? I'm getting tearful just writing this because it really hurts my feelings
Hi, I don't really have any advice. I'm a FTM and also give my all to my lo and feel constantly insecure that I mean much to him. I'm not in the exact same boat but I can totally see why this would be upsetting you. The only thing I will say is that most my friends have older children and they've all said that it wasn't until their children got older, 1-2 years, that they really started to show how much they cared for them.
You sound like a lovely mum and I'm sure your lo adores you. Your mil might just be a novelty - he sees her once a week and I'm sure she gives him undivided attention and he's bound to enjoy that. She'll never replace you as his mother, as he gets older I'm sure he'll be able to express just how much he loves you more and more. Don't doubt yourself, your baby loves you.
9 months is still very little. My DS was similar with my mum, he'd be thrilled to see her and beam at her in a way he never did with me! I was quite worried about it, but a few months later it all changed and he became super clingy with me. He still adores my mum and gets all excited when I tell him it's his Granny who has just rung the doorbell, but he is clearly attached to me in a very different way. I wouldn't worry about it because 9 months is still very early to show a significant amount of separation anxiety IME. Not all babies follow what's written in the books. My guess would be that he relishes the novelty of being with his Granny, he sees her less than he sees you. Give it some time. It's also great to have a grandparent your kids enjoy spending time with, I am really grateful I can leave DS with my parents and know he is happy and safe, not everyone has that and it's something to hold on to!
Yes, in the nicest possible way, you do sound crazy. Children who are well attached are happy to leave their caregiver and go to others. MIL is a novelty, that's why he is so excited to see her.
DH works abroad and DS who is now 4, is always delighted to see him. You'd think I don't exist. I don't take it personally- I know that I'm his mum and nothing will ever change that. DS also loves seeing my MIL who lives on a different continent. Keeps asking when she is coming. I really really really would not use the reactions of a small child for your emotional wellbeing. I'm not being harsh, and I know you can't help it, but moving forward I think it's probably best that you try and address WHY you feel that way. I'm DS's mum and his showing delight in other people and not wanting them to leave is no reflection on how he feels towards ME.
As a different example, my 19 year old niece is here. When she left today, DS who is 4 had tears in his eyes because he won't see her for another week. When the nanny came this morning and I went to work, he barely gave me a second glance. If If was to read anything into this I might think, I'm just nobody in his life. Blatantly that's not true. I'm his entire world (along with his father), and because I am, he knows I'll be back.
It sounds like he has a very secure attachment with you and knows that you will always be there for him.
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