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4 year old anger/shouting/aggression!?

(6 Posts)
emzs Tue 14-Jun-16 21:56:17

Just after a bit of advise or just someone to tell me this is normal.
My recently turned 4 year old has the worst temper!
Over the last few months he has become more and more temperamental. Shouting about anything and everything.
We could get up int he morning and i'll ask 'would you like cereal or toast this morning' and he'll scream something along the lines of
'Noooooo!! Stop talking now!!! I dont want breakfast!!! I have told you Im not having it!!!'
At full volume.

Anytime he doesnt get his own way or is asked a question when he doesnt feel like answering one. Or is spoken to when he doesnt want conversation he reacts the same.

I try realy hard not to shout back and more often than not (im not perfect!) will calmly reply that shouting in that way is not very nice. Sometimes i ask him why he shouts after hes calmed down but he never really knows. He knows ppl dont like shouting and knows it makes people sad. Ive talked through ways to manage those feelings of anger. Taking deep breathes..holding his hand infront of his mouth and trying tk blow his fingers off! Very occasionally he'll use these when hes angry. But its like a knee jerk reaction to just shout straight away.
my concern is why is he getting so angry in the first place when hes being asked a normal simple question.
Why cant he just say 'im not hungry yet'

He tells people off all the time! Shouts at his brother like hes boss.
Im not really sure of the best strategy to deal with this.
We do reward charts for various behaviour and they work but not with this as its his natural reaction. Its like he cant help it.
On occasions when his anger/frustration with life escalates we use a time out step.
Sometimes he wont calm down to a point where we can talk on that. So hes sent to his room to calm down.

It just happens over nothing. Anytime of the day. Theres no catalyst of hunger/boredom/tiredness etc

Anyone there!? Been there!? Any miracle workers!?! Thanks

AdelindSchade Tue 14-Jun-16 22:07:48

My nephew was like this at the same age and would fly into rages. He's perfectly lovely now so I think it's normal. I've known other children similar. Calm diversion sounds like you're doing the right thing to me.

Kiwiinkits Tue 14-Jun-16 23:29:49

Totally normal developmental phase. It will pass.

Kiwiinkits Tue 14-Jun-16 23:32:10

One technique is to say "you are making me/brother/dad/the family upset with your shouting. I need you to go into your room. When you have finished shouting you can come back out to join us." Then take him into his room and put him on the bed.

Give him a hug and lots of postive reinforcement for calming down. "I love the way you calmed down DS. You seem a lot happier now."

emzs Tue 14-Jun-16 23:58:12

Kiwiinkits that is exactly the kind of thing i try to do. Tho i usually put him on the bottom stair first. I go back after a few minutes and ask him why he thinks i put him there. And how his behaviour made him feel and me and anyone else involved. Then when im happy hes acknowledged it apologised and calmed down. I give him a big hug thank him for apologising and recognising his behaviour was wrong tell him i love him and that its all forgotton about now. And we start again clean slate from that point

Sometimes tho when i go back to have this chat he'll sit still but tell me to stop talking or say he doesnt want to talk about it. He doesnt let me hug him or refuses to say sorry. Its them cases that i send him to his room to think about it further.

I just never know if im doing the dight thing. As he seems to still be going off the handle whenever he chooses!

Generally hes quite an empathetic child and looks after ppl etc its just his temper and wanting his own way all the time

Kiwiinkits Wed 15-Jun-16 01:31:06

"he'll tell me to stop talking or say he doesnt want to talk about it"

Talking is using a different part of his brain - it is hard to talk when your emotional / fight-flight brain is still settling down. He is telling you the truth. So don't talk too much! You are asking him for words and explanations and he is too overwhelmed to respond. How about just saying "you seem overwhelmed. When you're ready to come for a hug, I'll be in the kitchen".

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