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Issues walking to and from school

(3 Posts)
puzzledleopard Wed 08-Jun-16 14:28:27

I walk home from school with another mum we have become friends, I have DD she has a DS both started in September, but in different classes. We met a while after they started as we all walk the same way as there isn't another route and we all made friends now they want to religiously walk home with one another.

Often we cannot just walk home nicely because either my DD plays up or her DS does. He has issues with any of us walking in front of him, being first or being the leader (he wants to be first or the leader) so we all have to walk in-line or behind. Often he runs off leaving DD stood there if she runs to catch up he carries on or just as she's getting there he runs off leaving her behind. It appears sometimes he doesn't seem to realise what he's doing but now and again he blatantly taunts her. She has no interest in being first or being the winner she just wants to catch up to walk by his side. She isn't bothered in general when it comes to being the winner or first, she doesn't get upset when we play games and someone else wins ect

More recently he has been a lot better but my DD has got to the end of her tether giving him all these chances and decided she wasn't putting up with it anymore and has been doing the same back or kicking up a fuss about things with him on the way home. He cried his eyes out when she did it to him, I told her off as it's not nice behaviour. She has stopped copying him which I am glad but part of me thinks let her so he can experience it first hand, but two wrongs don't make a right. Sometimes we see them on the way to school as they go the same way as us so its almost impossible to avoid them (It seems we have both tried to avoid each other by setting off earlier and both done it on the same days so we still end up seeing one another) Sometimes DD is reluctant to walk as soon as she sees them her brains on over time and she stands there thinking things over.
He has got better he's not doing it as much as previously but even when he doesn't do it so much she's still expecting him to behave this way and now when he tries to run away she's tried to hold him back I've explained the importance of not touching people in this way.

They are adamant about walking home together and there is tears, he has been trying really hard recently and DD is coming off the naughty party, it really is affecting her behaviour now. When it's just me and her and we don't bump into it's over 90% improvement so it appears walking with them does tend to bring out the worst. DD has her flaws and can be ocd about things but generally in a social environment she is great when it comes to sharing and very much a people person.

I have spoken to his mum about it at length he knows he isnt being nice to DD when he's doing it when questioned but he is still appears unable to control his actions (He still does it to an extent when its just him and his mum, but noticeably worse with DD and other children) She has asked to keep giving him the chance to get it right. I can tell how frustrated his mum is with it all and is clearly trying her best.

I need a push as I know we need out of this situation! I feel like I'm having to punish DD even though in the beginning it wasn't her fault, I'm going to experience the nightmare for weeks of saying No we are not all walking home together but still having to walk the same way. I don't want to punish her DS by saying we cannot walk home (I'm not going to say why to him but she can explain if she wants to) but I cannot see another outcome I know he will be devastated. I don't want to lose a friend over it! I'm at the point where there is no more chances because it's unfair on everyone involved not just my DD, Her Ds even affects my partner as he comes home to a emotionally drained and frustrated little girl and my frustration of how difficult it is being in that situation everyday.

ForHarry Thu 09-Jun-16 11:06:57

We all have to walk in line..
This was the first and biggest mistake!
No, you just say no and follow through.
Harder as time has gone on I can see.
The other way is to avoid them more successfully. I'd say: you guys go on ahead we are busy sorting..( the school bag, some messages on my phone, whatever suitable excuse.)

starpatch Fri 10-Jun-16 00:29:48

No advice but it does sound very difficult

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