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3 year old not settling at nursery

(4 Posts)
WhizzPopper Mon 06-Jun-16 17:16:01

Dd is 3.3. She has been going to nursery 2 full days a week since the beginning of April. She is not settling very well still and I don't know what's best to do for her.

Some days she will have the odd spell of crying or some days like today she has been crying most of the time.

Nursery have let her take her comfort blanket to try and help her settle but this hasn't helped and when she has to put it down if they ask her to do an activity this causes upset as well.

I thought she would be used to going by now, she hadn't been in any form of childcare before now as our parents looked after her a day each. They are unable to now so childcare is our only option.

Is there anything else we can do to help her settle, should we be looking for a new nursery? She does like it sometimes, even after a full day crying today she has asked me if she could go back tomorrow.

She is quite bright and articulate but when I ask her why she's cried she can't tell me and will just say 'because I did.' Or she will focus on when she's had to put taggie down for the reason she's cried.

Sorry for the rambling but I'm so sad hearing that she's had yet another horrible day and I just want her to enjoy it. The nursery and staff are wonderful and I know if she could just get over crying she would really love it.

Umblubblub Mon 06-Jun-16 17:36:56

Hi OP, I'm sorry to hear your dd is struggling with this, and I can totally understand how you feel as I had the same situation with my ds. He started nursery 2 mornings a week when he was 2.5, having only been looked after by family before this. He would cry all the way there, and leaving him was awful (crying/screaming/clinging etc).
The nursery were great; here's a few things they did to settle him
1. Staff continuity- same key worker took him from me every time
2. They developed a routine specific to him which they did exactly the same every morning
3. They advised me to move his mornings closer together ( luckily work were accommodating re this)
4. They encouraged me to make him more independent at home, getting his own drinks/snacks (within reason!) and making his own choices to get him used to looking after himself and making his own decisions a bit more.

Despite all this, it was a good six months before he was completely happy to go, but now he loves it and can't wait to get through the door!
I think with my ds the problem was that he felt he was in an environment he couldn't control and was scared and anxious. As he got older his confidence improved and he was able to communicate his needs/do things more independently, and I think that more than anything was the reason he settled in the end.
If you get a good feeling about the nursery and you think they are caring and trying to support your ds, it might be worth sticking it out, but if you have any suspicion something is not right, look for something else and trust your instincts.

Sleeperandthespindle Mon 06-Jun-16 17:52:39

How happy are you with the nursery? I had to move my then 3.6 year old from one nursery (and nanny) to another (and childminder/ preschool) when we moved at Christmas. He was used to me working full time and had been completely happy. He changed at the new nursery into a miserable, constantly sobbing, frightened little boy. He would cry all night asking whether it was nursery tomorrow.

After visiting unexpectedly, after a couple of weeks, and finding the nursery not as warm and child-friendly as I'd previously thought, I had to take him out. Fortunately he utterly adores his preschool and wants to go even at the weekends.

Give it a little while but don't be afraid to change. I am so glad I did and have my happy sunny little boy back for the last few months before he starts school.

WhizzPopper Mon 06-Jun-16 18:03:49

I love it and it was recommended by a few people before we looked round. She loves the staff, gives them loves when we leave. I just don't think she deals well with change and the big group of children, she can be quite timid and shy.

I'm glad to hear it took 6 months for your ds to settle Um that gives me hope as its only been 2 months!

She goes Monday's and Tuesday's, can be unsettled the night before going asking if she's going to nursery. She talks about it a lot, repeats things that's have been said through the day there and sings the songs.

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