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my friends ds is spiteful and cruel

(6 Posts)
2snugglets Sat 04-Jun-16 11:14:40

We've been friends since our now 6 yr olds were babies. There coming round today and my dd6 is terrified her ds is going to hurt our puppy! He is very sneaky likes to hit other children when he thinks no one is watching and I suspect he pushed my dd2 down their stairs when we went round to their house last time, she was too hysterical to say what happened but kept pointing at him!
I'm waiting for them to come but really on edge about today. My friend is always texting asking to do something and are we free but I'm thinking that I'm going to phase this one out. I feel a bit sorry for her though, think a lot of her friends with kids have had the same reaction and she doesn't get invited round like she used to.

2snugglets Sat 04-Jun-16 11:16:48

Just wondering if anyone's had similar experience?

Polyethyl Sat 04-Jun-16 11:19:08

I sympthise. My best friend since we were 11 has 3 children. 2 of whom are lovely, cheery darlings. One of whom is a violent bully. She knows she doesn't get invited to stuff because hosts don't know how to word an invitation saying "you and your charming children are invited but please leave your little horror at home."
It makes meeting up with her fraught.

2snugglets Sat 04-Jun-16 11:57:32

Yes that's what it is and my friend is aware of it. She's started off the chat talking about what a little shit he was whilst they were away so I guess we can sympathise.
There all on the trampoline at the mo so I'm monitoring them all! Trying to get my two year old to take a nap!

Bambalina Tue 14-Jun-16 10:54:32

Yep, we're quite a bit younger than 6, but I have a mum friend I really enjoy spending time with and chatting to, but her DS is really not very nice to my daughter (I don't think its just her but she is very gentle and nurturing so hasn't fought back - yet) - body-slamming DD, throwing stuff at her, taking toys off her that she's obviously enjoying playing with and being very controlling and aggressive. She ends up upset, obviously, screaming at him and trying to state her boundaries, but he doesn't care. I have tried to use it retrospectively to talk to DD about how to handle situations like this, but its definitely a work in progress. DD indicates she does like playing with this child, so I do a lot of talking about when the playing isn't fun and when it makes you cry etc.

TBH I do avoid playdates/1:1 with them as they are fraught with stress. The mum has mentioned catching up a few times now and I have just been very non-committal. I try and only see them on neutral ground and when there's a few of us.
The mum seems to have a very different approach to parenting to me and it feels very awkward to set boundaries with someone else's child when the parent is there, but I do feel like I have to do it in this dynamic to keep my daughter safe and to communicate to him that his behaviour is not ok nor tolerated by me. I would not allow them to play together out of my line of vision (but again, they are half the age of your children)

pictish Tue 14-Jun-16 10:59:22

I have OP and yes, I phased. My kids did not enjoy being effectively made to spend time with a child that they were scared of and disliked. I tried to address it with the mum but she chose to remain oblivious to my kids' feelings. I couldn't do the same, so she had to go. It was a shame but also a massive relief.

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