Grabbing and pushing but mainly with one other child?

(3 Posts)
weeblueberry Fri 03-Jun-16 22:41:02

We have a 'childminder' who looks after our children in our home. I know for the sake of legality etc she's not a childminder but that's the word I'll use.

Our childminder brings her son over for a few hours a day after his own nursery, something we don't have a problem with. Our oldest daughter, who's three, really likes him but that's part of the problem. The childminder said today (not the first time though) that she's been very defiant with her (she's like that with us too but she's three and testing boundaries) and she's been pushing and constantly grabbing from her son. It's really starting to get him down, to the point that he doesn't want to come over each day.

Our daughter is very 'full on' in general and has buckets of energy. Whereas childminders son is quieter and prefers his own space a lot of the time. But ultimately the grabbing and taking items from him is the hardest part and the one that's upsetting him.

We have a younger daughter too and obviously every time there is snatching we explain why she can't do it and give it back. Similarly the few times the baby snatches. The issue is that it's mainly the childminders son that my daughter does this with. Occasionally our youngest but that's stopping pretty much.

Basically I'm not sure how to tackle it or how to suggest she does. I think a lot of it stems down to the fact they're allowed to do a lot of 'free play' together while CM watches the baby and my daughter feels she can do what she wants to an extent.

Our daughter doesn't go to nursery and has mainly been in one to one care since she was born. She used to go to playgroup but that had to stop when I went back to work. She wasn't like this At playgroup though and seemed (fairly) happy to share then.

How do I suggest childminder handles it? Obviously the most important thing is to explain she can't grab and to remove the offending toy and give it back but do we just consistently do this and hope she breaks out of it before the childminders son eventually gives up on her? He doesn't want to be around her at the moment (which, to an extent I understand) and I'm worried that will cause longer term issues as the childminder can't be in a situation where her son feels constantly harassed.

Any suggestions appreciated!

weeblueberry Fri 03-Jun-16 22:45:52

I should say we always do lots of positive affirmation when she does things well. It's definitely not lacking in that - we're very vigilant to tell her when she's shared well or spoken to us nicely.

Kariana Tue 07-Jun-16 18:54:36

I'm just curious you say this is mainly the childminders son and just occasionally your youngest, so does she not do it at all with other children? Also what circumstances is she mixing with other children in? Is it just that she isn't experiencing free play with them and so just isn't getting the chance to demonstrate the behaviour but would if she had chance, iyswim?

You will have to continue with reinforcing it and asking the childminder to do the same and she should grow out of it but it would be interesting to hear what happens in situations with other children to see if there is another reason behind it.

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