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Horrible evening with dd1 (7), how to fix?

(6 Posts)
rhetorician Fri 03-Jun-16 21:06:05

DD1 is 7, and has dyspraxia. She is doing well at school, but her behaviour at home worries me. Bedtime comes, she is mucking about, I ask her to put toys away, which she does reluctantly, and then everything from there is her misbehaving and refusing to do as she is asked. E.g. Put pyjamas on. Now in and of itself that's not worth having a battle over, but endless backchat, making faces when I talk to her, threats etc. I tell her not to answer back or speak to me that way. She continues, and I warn her that She will lose 50c from her pocket money if she continues. She does. I warn her again, same thing. Then she is crying and shouting and screaming "go away" at me. I tell her that she might be very cross with me, I still love her, but that she cannot talk to me like that. Cue raging about how it's all my fault and how badly I treat her etc. It's like she cannot accept that her actions led to the consequence, even though I explained this calmly several times. She is still crying and I have told her that there will be no pocket money (she gets €2 on a Friday) until she starts treating us with more respect. Aargh. Did I handle this ok? I didn't shout, she objected to what she calls "that voice" which is simply my firm voice. She just asked to say sorry, but I told her that she still won't get the pocket money back. I find this kind of conflict very difficult to handle.

rhetorician Fri 03-Jun-16 21:11:47

She is still wailing, an hour later sad

Kleinzeit Fri 03-Jun-16 22:01:03

Sympathies! My DH hated “that voice” too. He has an ASC not dyspraxia but here’s alternative you could try - no guarantees but it worked for me and might be worth a try. Totally ignore all the backchat and face-pulling. It’s just venting and it really isn’t important. She is tired and grumpy and nothing she says or does at bedtime really means anything. Telling off and consequencing and getting into an argument about it only slowed things down, it never stopped DS from grumping. So I didn’t bother - I went deaf and blind to it instead.

Have a bedtime routine - toys away, get undressed, wee and teeth, read her a story in bed…. Or whatever. Make sure the routine ends with something nice (like the story in bed) and maybe has one or two other pleasant-ish things in it among the boring things- a glass of milk or a biscuit if she enjoys that and it wont take too long. Talk the routine through with her, you can put it on a picture timetable if that would help. If she does each step (like putting the toys away) then ramp up the praise and encouragement no matter how reluctantly or grumpily she does it. Try to keep things mostly moving towards bed but in a calm soothing way. If she is being slow then remind her about the routine and especially the next nice bit - “when you have put the toys away then it’s time for a biscuit”.

I'm sorry your DD is so upset just now, I hope she calms down again soon! Conflict with my DS never went well, when things went wrong I just had to muddle through until he calmed down and then decide that tomorrow was a new day. flowers

Kleinzeit Fri 03-Jun-16 22:03:20

Sorry that should say DS not DH - I never tried using "that voice" with DH! grin

rhetorician Fri 03-Jun-16 22:22:02

Yes, you're totally right. I did go in and kiss her good night and assure her that we will have a lovely weekend. Thank you

Kleinzeit Fri 03-Jun-16 22:26:45

Aw, glad she's feeling better and hope you are too. Have a great weekend.

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