9 month old never happy with me.(10 Posts)
I am at the end of my tether with my 9 month old! I am a stay at home mum and have one DS. I love him very much but I am sick of the sound of him whinging. It's like the sound itself just drives me up the wall and he just whines constantly. All of his needs are met and I am constantly going out of my way to make him happy, he has lots of toys and I take him to play with my friends babies and to play areas and days out etc so he isn't bored. He just whines and cries all of the time. Today I was visiting my aunt and she noticed that he was whinging constantly despite my best efforts and commented that she could understand how it would wear me down. She told me to pretend I wasn't there so I did and he played happily on his own for over an hour, as soon as I came back in to sight the whinging started up again. I have tried everything, ignoring, using a stern voice, distracting, talking calmly and reassuring him. I've even waited until he's stopped whinging and as soon as he's stopped I've given him plenty of praise and that seems to make him worse! He starts whinging again as soon as he hears my voice. Everyone else says he's as good as gold. I feel like pulling my hair out! Help!
My cousins baby is the exact same! He's 2 months older than my little girl (who's as good as gold) i felt abit bad bringing up why he won't stop moaning, and I had to tell her to sort him out as I just couldn't understand why he was screaming and he was making my daughter cry.. Like you've just wrote YOU give him everything he wants/needs.. Babies are very clever at noticing what we do for them and what gets their attention! My daughter stares at me and goes towards the TV plug as she knows I'll tell her no or I'll move her! In other words your son is spoilt, I've noticed all babies that cry and winge all the time have their mums and dads running around after them! I leave my daughter be, always have done.. Only time she cries is when she's done a poo or hurt herself.. It may be hard at first, but try to ignore him, not for 10 mins but for as long as it takes and just go about the day as you normally would, he's fine playing by himself and after a while he won't want your attention all the time and knows whinging doesn't make you come to him, hope this helps a little, and remember all mums feel like pulling their hair out! Be strong and look after yourself now! Xx
Is your baby on the move yet?
DS1 was a whinger. It all stopped as soon as he could crawl about. He was far too busy then off doing other things. It was like a different baby.
You can't spoil a 9 month old baby.
MollyAmelia - I'm sure it really helped your cousin when you told her to 'sort him out'. Because making your baby cry was clearly more important to her than the fact her own baby was desperately unhappy and screaming.
Babies have different personalities, OP, and some do seem to really hate being babies! My DD was like bebo's: things got much better when she could crawl, and better again when she could walk. Once she was mobile, she was so happy just tootling around exploring. And fwiw, she's a really happy, sunny little 3yo now.
I do wonder whether you've got into a bit of a cycle of his whinging driving you (understandably) nuts, so you back off emotionally, which makes him feel less secure and makes him whinge more. Could you try regularly (say 10 mins a few times a day) having some really engaged play time - tickles, blowing raspberries, lifting in the air and pulling faces, really actively playing with him and see whether that helps? I find that when my 3yo DD is being impossible, the best thing is to have a big cuddle and reconnect, and the conflict
usually melts away.
Thanks for the advice guys I will take everything on board he is so active at the moment, he crawls everywhere and is cruising around on furniture and takes a couple of steps unaided. I'm wonderful MH if a lot of it is the frustration of not being to get where he wants but I do think a lot of it has to do with me.
Spoilt?? He's nine months old, not some miniature evil genius constructing careful plans for attention...
It's probably frustration. They want to talk, communicate, walk but at that age all they have is a few words and shaky balance.
They do pick up on your emotional state for sure. strawberry has good advice - cuddles and distraction work wonders! Independent play is important but you don't achieve that by ignoring them 😮
Cuddle, then you can gradually stretch out the independent play by keeping close by them so they feel secure but busy in your own stuff. I pop mine in the bouncer and clean the kitchen for example - he's close, I chat to him and show him what I'm doing and if he's absorbed in his own play I don't distract him. If he's whining I do.
Nine months is also associated with separation anxiety - you can play variations on peekaboo, tell him if you're going out of the room and come back 'mummy's going to put the kettle on, back soon!' 'Back now!' Etc.
Think everyone's taken everything I said the wrong way.. By sort him out I meant, see what he wants as I couldn't work out what was wrong with him! And by spoilt I meant spoilt with attention, not like a 5 year old getting every toy they want, think the way I word things are abit strong, sorry for any confusion X
I totally remember this phase with DD when she was around 8 months. And of course she picked up on my anxiety which made it worse as for all she knew I was unhappy at her and that probably scared her. I wonder if he might be overstimulated by all the different activities and so overtired even if sleeping well. Perhaps see if having one or two clear days a week just to chill together might help. Totally agree about engaged play and what Zaurak said about separation anxiety - so probably just a phase but such a difficult one and so really important to be kind to yourself and not to think you're making him unhappy.
Spoilt nine month old molly? Babies are not manipulative or sneaky. You can not spoil a baby with attention. Ever. Or a child of five. Children and babies thrive of attention my pils used to come out with stuff like that.
Op it is wearing. i remember dd2 being similar at that age. What is his day time sleeping like?
Could he be very bright? He might just be bored. Try reading to him and teaching him some letter sounds. See if gets it.
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