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High needs babies?

(23 Posts)
MessyBun247 Tue 24-May-16 16:35:06

Just looking for some support really.

I have only recently come across the term 'high-needs' and realised it describes my DD perfectly. She is 4months and literally glued to me day and night. She only tolerates her pram and carseat for very short journeys, and even then it has to be when she has just woken up from a nap, fed, no wind etc and is in a reasonably good mood. Any longer than that and she just cries and I end up carrying her and pushing the pram with one hand.

She only naps on me, with white noise, fed to sleep. When she's awake she will sit in her bouncy chair or lie in her play mat for a couple of minutes, then starts shrieking until I lift her. She wants carried around all day long, but not in a cuddly way, she had to be facing outwards to see everything. She likes watching traffic, people, children playing etc and needs a lot of stimulation. I spend hours walking her around our local area, lots of shops, busy roads etc as she gets bored in the house. My arms and back are so sore from all the carrying. If I try to sit down with her on my lap she will start grizzling until I stand up and move again. We co-sleep and I just go to bed when she does every night (around 9pm).

I just don't get a minute to breathe at the minute and am drained physically and mentally. She refuses bottles so no one else can even take her so I can relax for an hour. My DP works long hours but helps when he can.

She is a gorgeous little baby, just easily bored and easily frustrated. She has been rolling for weeks, and is trying to crawl but gets annoyed that she isn't moving anywhere.

I spend all day trying to keep her stimulated and happy.

Anyone else in the same boat?

My DD1 was like this, but not as extreme, so I know it does get better. The days just seem so long at the minute sad

CatsCantFlyFast Tue 24-May-16 16:50:41

I had one of these (she's 2 now). It's hard and I found most people with more calm babies just didn't understand. A sling (stretchy at first and woven wraps afterwards) saved my life

MessyBun247 Tue 24-May-16 18:44:33

Thanks for the reply. Unfortunately at 4months she just wants to face out the way so she can see everything. I have a carrier but have heard they are bad for babies hips?

HalfStar Tue 24-May-16 19:58:48

I've had same as you, one bad and the second extreme! Totally draining. Hard to enjoy anything. It gets better in increments as you know. Both times the arrival of solids was a relief, they can be distracted by food that's not coming out of you... And building a relationship with their dad so that he becomes v important to them too. And their sibling! But there's not really any rushing it. Just hang in there as much as you can. My second is 18 months now and a lot lot easier. Still a bit high maintenance but really enjoyable.
Just remember you're not alone and you're doing all you can brew

JuxtapositionRecords Tue 24-May-16 20:01:53

Yes my first was like this. Then she started walking around her 1st birthday and it was like a personality transplant. I think she just hated being a baby! It's so so tough but you will get through it somehow flowers

CatsCantFlyFast Tue 24-May-16 20:06:57

Facing out in general isn't good for you or the baby because of the stress it puts on both of your spines. But for short periods to save your poor arms then yes use a sling to do this - a woven wrap is best.
The hips thing is a bit of a myth - narrow based carriers (ie ones that allow the babies legs to dangle rather than supporting the babies legs all the way up to the knee before letting only the lower leg dangle) can aggravate hip conditions and are certainly not so comfortable for the baby (imagine sitting on a fence with your legs hanging down each side). Most modern carriers aren't as narrow based as they used to be so it's unlikely to be an issue. Loads on google about which carriers do forward facing best, or how to wrap with a woven to do forward facing

NinkyNonky Tue 24-May-16 20:15:07

My now two year old was like this. I got a ring sling and had her on my hip so she could see but cuddle as well. It made life a lot easier!

CutYourHairAndGetAJob Tue 24-May-16 20:30:31

Your baby sounds just like my ds, I would definitely describe him as high needs in comparison to his big sister, who was a very chilled out baby in comparison.

He is six months now and slowly getting easier. He likes being in a door bouncer for short periods and can be amused by other people rather than needing boob every time.

We still use a sling a lot although he will also go in a buggy now (hated the pram!).

parrotonmyshoulder Tue 24-May-16 20:37:09

Yeah, I had two of these.

They don't 'want' to look out. Put the baby in the sling facing you? Or in a ring sling up on your chest to the side. They don't know how to stop being over-stimulated (and can't if they're facing out - you can't get the right position in their hips and back either).

FurryWalls Tue 24-May-16 20:54:02

I feel your pain.

DS is four months and also high needs / demanding. Hates the buggy. Hates the car seat. Needs to be vigorously rocked to sleep. My back and shoulders are fucked as he's massive.

I can only hope he grows out of it. My one saving grace is that he now lets me put him down for a little while - on his playgym or bouncy chair.

Hugs and cakecakecake for you, OP.

MessyBun247 Tue 24-May-16 21:43:57

Thank you all so much for the replies, was feeling really low today, so great to know it's not just me!

My DD1 was a bit easier by around 6 months, and brilliant by around a year, she just hated being a baby. Ended up the most easy going, funny, happy toddler and child. Am really hope DD2 will be the same!!

furrywalls arghh it's so hard isn't it! I'm sure we will look back at this one day and laugh. But for now, let's just eat cake and try and enjoy the fleeting good moments! They don't stay this way forever, that is my mantra grin

Jsy123 Tue 24-May-16 22:39:07

I'm not in the same boat so have no advice but I recently bought a baby hip seat for my lo and it has really saved my back and arms. It's was about £11 from Amazon and it clips around your waist and the baby sits on the seat bit - It actually looks like you are wearing an upside down bum bag but I'll take that over a sore back any day. You can have lo facing towards you (as if on your hip) or they can face outwards. Might help for your back too?

MessyBun247 Wed 25-May-16 10:38:35

O that looks really good! Think I may have to invest in one. Thank you smile

Tiredandtorn Wed 25-May-16 23:03:53

I have one! I feel your pain and sympathise massively. Dc1 was/is a perfect, chilled out angel and dd is something else alltogether. Very highly needs, screamed constantly for first 5 months and then has only improved in tiny steps as she's gradually grown in independence as she's developed. She's now 18 months and normally a happy (ish) fun toddler. She's just come though a horrific sleeping regression (Weeks of relentless screaming all night) and is now - I hope and pray - back on track.

Like yours, she refused bottles and dummies and was bf For 13 months. Once off the boob she was a little better once not so dependent on me for comfort feeding and reluctantly accepted a bottle and dummy once she'd given up on me feeding her again.

For your sanity, I'd Also recommend a sling carrier. I'd also agree with what was said about being overstimulated. I soon found with my dd that she was more manageable if she had regular sleeps. Not easy at all but I found a great black-out muslin cloth from mama jojo that drapes over the pram. - she'd also only remain asleep on the move or attached to a boob. She used to scream blue murder at first with cloth over but with little motion she soon crashed out and got a good sleep (we still use it now if she's having a bad time - always works) I also found she slept better if the pram was pared in the garden. Not ideal as she's a winter baby so had to really wrap her up but the fresh air seemed to keep her asleep longer and be happier for the rest

Hope that's helped x it will get better x

1northernfairy Thu 26-May-16 21:17:46

I am sure that I am battling with one of these! My first so nothing to compare her to and no bloody clue what I am doing but she is an absolute nutter <meant in the most loving way>.

Our days seem so intense, she also seems to love taking it all in. But like parrot said, it is such a fine balance as she will observe intently and then just explode when she is overstimulated. I honestly didn't even think overstimulation was a thing before DD. People think I am being precious when I try to get her to nap or take her away from a busy situation where she is seemingly having fun. If I let her carry on she eventually just goes bang and we have full on hysterical melt down. Does your DD do this? It's like pouring shit loads of sherbet into a fizzy drink not sure if that even erupts but you get my drift she takes it all in then goes nuts, so I have try and step in first! I am still learning to spot when she's had enough.

When just us at home her attention span is so friggin short, we rotate "entertainment options" when I've got the energy. Sometimes she will play for a few mins in her activity thing or with a toy, sometimes I have to resort to waking up the cat for her to watch terrorise.

Not much help I'm afraid, just some understanding although I don't have another child to be trying share my time with. Same here with the bottle refusing/dummy refusing, same here with the DP who works lots, same with DD getting easily bored/frustrated and make sure the whole world knows it, also a co-sleeper DD often actually opting for no-sleeper-rather-stay-awake-and-cause-mayhem option. You getting much sleep?

Sorry, can you tell motherhood has come as a bit of a shock to me. wine all round (thimble sized breast-feeders portions blush

jamhot Thu 26-May-16 21:27:26

DS was similar. He improved once he learned to roll over, got better still when he learned to commando crawl then properly crawl.

He's 1 now, and so much happier. Like a PP said about their child, I don't think he liked being a baby. DS is very close to walking, and I am looking forward to seeing him being happier still.

It gets better. It's really fucking hard at the stage you're at, but it does get better.

Take care. x

MessyBun247 Sat 28-May-16 09:55:25

Thanks for the replies.

Apart from growth spurts and developmental spurts her sleeping hasn't ever been toooo bad <touches wood>. She wakes to feed and goes back to sleep thank god. Some nights 3 times, some nights 10 times, anything goes really. And she naps ok during the day BUT this involves me walking up and down my kitchen feeding her to sleep, with the extractor fan on, then me sitting holding her in the kitchen for the duration of the nap. So I don't really get out much because she really needs her naps or she gets very overtired. If I try to put her down she's awake within a couple of mins. If she's very tired she will fall asleep in the buggy when I'm out, but only for a short time, and I can't stop walking or she wakes straight away! That's if she even goes into her buggy in the first place confused she arches her back sometimes when I try to put her in, like a toddler having a tantrum!

And yy to rotating entertainment options! That made me laugh! It's a non-stop rotation when she is awake! And I spend a lot of time standing by the very busy main road where we live, holding her while she watches the traffic. She loves it! And yy to terrorising the pet for entertainment, she loves watching the dog!

Yes I think the word 'intense' is very very appropriate for how life is right now. I always thought the first few months were the hardest, but I'm actually finding this stage really difficult. I know once she can move around she'll be much happier, her Dsis was exactly the same, quite a frustrated wee baby but brilliant once she became mobile.

We were out walking with my DP last night (with babe in arms!) and I saw a couple walking out of a takeaway and casually getting into their car, I was picturing them going home and lounging around watching a DVD and going to bed whenever they felt like it, maybe a cheeky lie-in in the morning. And I felt so JEALOUS!! Life will be normal again one day!

Toomanymarsbars Sat 28-May-16 16:07:53

Yup. My son is high needs. People who have "normal" kids cannot underestimate what it's like.

Toomanymarsbars Sat 28-May-16 16:08:13


Delice Wed 01-Jun-16 23:36:00

Hello I can feel your pain, I'm first time mum to a high needs baby boy (he's 10m) and I'm exhausted. He won't stop fussing or crying, absolutely hates his car seat or pram( I'm only allowed maybe 30min walk if I'm lucky).☘

Delice Wed 01-Jun-16 23:42:44

I would love to meet for a coffee and chat, with other high needs baby mums-smile Kids allowed grin

FurryWalls Thu 02-Jun-16 14:48:19

Where are you, delice? I could imagine an MN High Needs Baby meet...they'd just be screaming down Costa whilst we cried into our lattes. grin

Delice Thu 02-Jun-16 15:11:30

That's sounds like a good planwink I'm very close to CJ, what about you?brew

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