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Nightmare dd - at my wits end

(6 Posts)
Tiredandtorn Mon 23-May-16 04:10:55

Dd is 18 months and my dc2. To put it bluntly, she is a bloody nightmare. She cries, moans or whines nearly all day and all night. As a newborn she cried for 5 months straight (colic & reflux) and has never grown out of the screaming. She is currently screaming the house down with dh as I've just lost it and had a meltdown with her. I'm so exhausted. Dc1 is 3.5 and gets so little attention as dc2 is so demanding. In terms of sleep, we've tried everything going, we've been consistent with military precision, had a little success but it never lasts long.
Developmentally she's hit all the typical milestones at the right time - while screaming about it!
She is inconceivably loud and all our neighbours are complaining regularly - I can't blame them to be honest when I'm surviving on caffeine and neurofen too. It's hideous.

DC1 is such a lovely, calm and content child, and always has been, I don't understand why dc2 is like this.

The GP and hv can't see anything medically wrong - I just don't know what to do anymore sad

BarbarianMum Mon 23-May-16 09:38:51

I'm sorry you are having such a tough time at the moment flowers.

Is she teething? Could she be in pain through this, or some other problem (food intolerance?). How much sleep is she actually getting? Tired toddlers are always miserable.

A friend of mine had similar probs, it was all down to teething pain (pretty much constant) leading to chronic over-tiredness and misery. All I can suggest is try and get a break from it - get some time out and about with dc1, get baby-sitters in so you and dh get to go out, get dh to do some full nights so you can sleep.

SleeplessRageMonster Mon 23-May-16 11:52:48

Are you talking about my son? smile If the doctor doesn't think there's anything medically wrong, you may have a "high needs" child on your hands. NO ONE can possibly understand what it's like to have one of these kids - with mine, he cried/screamed/whined/tantrummed almost every minute of every hour of every week of every month each year until he started to properly talk which wasn't that long ago (he'll be three soon).i ugly cried most days. Lost it a lot too. Little sleep (he was up for the day from 4am, FML), always screaming out of frustration at me etc. Christ, but it's been effing HARD, and thank god my second two have been like normal children!! I'm telling you though, it really does get better. Slowly, surely, but it does, as they start to understand the world around them etc. But, it took being always consistent, with everything!! Never ever letting up, to the point we've been accused of being too harsh on him but we had to be, and slwy slowly the tantrums and screaming over the months became less, he still only does 9 hours at night no matter what we do, and his behaviour has become golden out and about (at home he bounces off the walls haha), but yeah, high needs children tend to tantrum and scream more due to chronic frustration at everything around them, and lack of being able to fully communicate. try googling dr Sears high needs baby and see if any of what the site says makes sense. And hang in there - sometimes it's just a case of getting through each hour but it'll get better. I found I had to constantly rotate stuff to keep him occupied, and sometimes just had to shut him in another room so I could get just 2 minutes to gather myself together (read that as have a break down/ugly cry/stuff chocolate in my face) before facing him again. I had no friends because of him (all the other mothers had normal kids that did normal kid stuff like play without screaming in frustration etc), not one second truly to myself, couldn't continue to work from home etc....sometimes it's still hard but God the kid is smart as hell, funny, and though he still can't play by himself for long because he can now talk more he's an actual functional toddler now not a screaming ball of constant rage!

Tiredandtorn Mon 23-May-16 17:05:18

Hi, thanks for the replies. I've considered the 'high needs' diagnosis before. She really is a handful - to the point where some very close relatives refuse to look after her. My mum is good though and takes her while I work 2 days a week. It seems she saves her worst behaviour for me and dh though, as mum says she's ok as do her nursery.

When she's sleeping well, she has 2 naps, one long am nap and a short pm nap and is fully able to sleep through the night for about 10 hours. But when she is bad, she is truly awful. Hours upon hours of inconsolable screaming. Like last night.
She had just been cutting her molars which I know has been very sore for her and I've kept her as dosed up as I can on calpol and neurofen plus teething gels too.

I breastfed her for a year and she was a total bottle and dummy refuser too - but now takes both now that boob is no longer an option.

My family also think I'm too harsh on her - but I know I've got to be. We joke and call her our diva - she really is though!! Strops and tantrums already and her first word was no said with a pout!

Ds is a bright boy but we cal already tell that she is going to be far more intelligent. She just seems to get everything. Understands everything you ask her and does it correctly. She does puzzles and works things out so quickly - a bit freaky really. So I think you're into a theory there with this 'type' we have!

It's good to know I'm not alone with this x

BabyGanoush Mon 23-May-16 17:13:30

I had a high needs baby, it isver hard, we were stressed a lot and became very "strict" about routine, as a clear routine (including an afternoon nap every day until he was 4) was needed.

He had (and has) a very sensitive stomach (reflux baby) yet also lost the plot when his blood sugar was low, so it was hard to get the food right.

Be careful about labeling her a "diva", DS's rage and tears were not part of his character, iyswim, he is now a very calm chilled out teenager smile. He was just in a lot of pain/discomfort with his tum and when he teethed. My poor baby, I got so frustrated!

Tiredandtorn Mon 23-May-16 17:47:00

I'm so frustrated. Not being able to comfort my own baby is amongst the worst things as a parent for me. And show feels useless as there's literally nothing he can do to help her when she's in s rage.

We call her out little diva to make light of a very challenging situation. The stress and extreme sleep deprivation we've experienced since she's been born, alothough we obviously love her dearly, has brought our marriage to breaking point more than once but we managed to get though it by finding a bit of humour in it all x

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