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My lovely 11yo DS is being bullied...

(8 Posts)
talllikejerryhall Tue 03-May-16 10:09:59

I am really worried about my son, who has been at the same school since Y2 (now graduating from Y6).

This weekend, he burst into tears, complaining that he was being bullied and picked on by two boys in his class (one of whom he considered a friend until last week, the other one has been giving him a hard time all year, but used to be a friend.) I am friends with both boys' mums, and met them for coffee last week, not knowing anything was wrong.

There are very few boys in the class and the ringleader has made a think of belittling and excluding my son, even in front of me (I raised this with his mother, but doesn't seem to have made a difference).

I've raised this with school but they don't seem able to do anything either.

DS is being picked on because he is less sporty and streetwise, and less mature than the other boys - it's just so harsh to see a really sweet, happy go lucky and kind child picked on continually, with no real comeback for the bullies.

He's asked if he can be homeschooled and it's just breaking my heart to see him like this.

Any advice on how to deal with this, please?

GeezeLouiseBelcher Tue 03-May-16 10:19:08

I could have written this. My same age ds told me last week he was being bullied but it's been going on for a while. Obviously I couldn't do anything over the weekend, but I've assured ds that I'm going to make sure it stops completely, and today after school, I will speak to his teacher to start the ball rolling.
Basically I'm going to tell her that I want a meeting with her and the head, what the problem is, and either they sort it quickly or I'm taking him out of school/going to governors/ofsted if they can't safeguard him. I have zero tolerance of bullying, having been bullied myself, and I'm not letting some nasty little kids ruin my son's self esteem.

Helenluvsrob Tue 03-May-16 10:23:33

Is he moving to secondary with these boys?

If not why not home school for the term and back in sept? Bottom line is this term in year six is SATS then " fun". Missing it won't have any consequences - other than he feels believed and happier as he's chosen to step away from the bullying. You can happily " unschool" ie recover for a term.

If he is, then you need to follow up with school if he is to remain in school - get a copy of the anti bullying policy, meet and meet again till sorted.

It's also worth looking at self esteem with ds to " bully proof " himself for the future- ds had this in year 5 and a book called " bullies big mouths and other so called friends" really helped,along with finding him his " tribe" ( academic, emotionally aware, bit less sporty ) in the form of the cathedral choir. He very much felt no one else was like him at primary. This feeling vanished at grammar school where they were much more boys like him!

Or... Yes you can of course home educate ...

pippistrelle Tue 03-May-16 10:24:42

I've raised this with school but they don't seem able to do anything either.

This is, quite simply, not acceptable. It's happening in school time, and it's the school's obligation to keep your son safe, not just in the physical sense. When you say you've raised it with the school, do you mean his teacher, or the head teacher? I would be girding my loins and reporting every single incident, quoting their anti-bullying policy at them (make sure you ask them for a copy of this).Basically, make it easier for the school to deal with the bullying than it is for them to deal with you. I guess your son only has a short time left at this school, so you don't have to worry about winning the staff's Most Popular Mother award.

Good luck to you and your son.

talllikejerryhall Tue 03-May-16 10:42:37

Thank you all for your advice - you've strengthened my resolve to not let this go on anymore.

I've asked his teacher to ring me, but as this is the same conversation I've had in as many weeks, and this is an issue which I have been dealing with, on and off, since he started at the school, I am really not expecting much. But this is the first time I've seen him in tears over it, and he's never asked to be homeschooled before, so I have to imagine that things are getting bad.

MattDillonsPants Tue 03-May-16 14:09:01

Your son should not have to leave school and be homeschooled as someone else suggested. Why should he, the victim have his life changed in that way?

If you have already spoken to his teacher and it is still going on, then you need to make an URGENT appointment with the Head teacher.

And demand that this is stopped immediately. THey have a duty of care towards your son and these boys have to be made responsible for their actions.

Make it clear that you want a result....immediate action or you will be writing to the governors.

Also ask for a copy of their bullying policy.

Helenluvsrob Tue 03-May-16 14:16:20

Keep records or names dates , timescales for action, who will get back to you when etc if you are pursuing this. Make sure your son knows you are actively on his side.

Of course you " shouldn't have " to home educate but it is an option , and lots if the post SATS stuff is feel good trips / plays etc celebrating " how wonderful primary school was" let your son choose if he wants to take part. A day at a theme park with a bunch of kids who are bullying you isn't something he" has" to participate in. You could withdraw him with a detailed and accurate note of why. I'd love to see them try to fine you and if ed welfare get involved due to " unauthorised absence"all to the good!

Hope you come back to update us and that things fo improve for your DS.

Cb148 Wed 04-May-16 02:39:03

I think I would keep speaking to the bullies mums if you know them anyway. Explain to them just how sad its making your poor ds. I would be horrified if somebody told me my son was doing this & would certainly make him aware of what would happen if it didn't stop.

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