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how can I encourage DD to be more positive/grateful

(7 Posts)
rosyleigh Wed 27-Apr-16 07:18:10

DD is 10, 11 next week. She moans about everything. Says she hates the world she lives in (this was because I told her she is not yet old enough to walk about town for as long as she wants due to traffic hazards and strange people), she moans about how she's so crap at certain subjects. I try to encourage her to look at positive things in life, be grateful for our health, our roof over our heads, the relative safe environment of our country, the loving family we have. I tell her while she may not be a maths genius she tries hard and keeps up all the same and she excels elsewhere and has a flair and talent for other subjects. Even after all my pepping she mopes and says how bad everything is, what can I do to brighten her up? I think about all the suffering children in the world and just want my DD to understand the fortune that she has been given, I worry how self centred she is becoming.

MattDillonsPants Wed 27-Apr-16 10:14:42

Oh I'm in the same boat! I have an 11 year old who thinks she's hard done by because she isn't allowed to walk to the shops in the dark! As if!

Also, my DD wants a brand new iphone...not a chance.

She asked me the other day "When will we be rich?"

And I had to sit down and explain to her that everything is relative. That she lives in a lovely house in a lovely village and goes to a lovely school...has a phone and a computer, nice clothes etc...but nothing is good enough!

Sorry OP....I'm here to get advice too! I will listen to what anyone tells you!

MerryMarigold Wed 27-Apr-16 10:22:58

I have a 10yo boy very similar. It's like he has a filter for anything negative or bad, and is also ungrateful/ always wanting more / everyone else's is bigger or better (even slices of pizza or portion of pudding!). Partly I blame myself and Dh as we are both quite negative, particularly Dh so he hasn't been surrounded by positivity (you can tell them to be positive but it won't work unless you are). I also think it's his nature. He's obsessed with death, he's a very anxious child. When my younger ones are older we are going to help in a charity project which runs yearly from our church. I think it will be great to open his eyes to how much he has. He does also have a lot of compassion for the homeless, but can forget this in the midst of wishing he'd never been born, or wanting to stab his brother for beating him at FIFA. One thing we did as a family a while ago was to make a list of 100 things we were grateful for. Ds put puddings, and somewhat further down, 'oxygen'. It's a good exercise to do!

rosyleigh Wed 27-Apr-16 14:26:03

Merry & MattD looks like we are not alone then......drives me insane I must say. God help us when they are teenagers.

MattD DD also says often 'are we poor?' .....sometimes I wish she didn't go to school in an well-to-do area, whilst we live in the not- so- chocolate-box, neighbouring town - its hardly a ghetto, its still a nice area.

Merry I think you have a really good point about helping at a charity project, I think that would be a fantastic insight to show her that life really is good for us, and that we have a lot to be thankful for.

Thank you both, really helpful to hear I'm not alone in this dilemma. Lets hope this phase may pass.

steppemum Wed 27-Apr-16 14:36:39

Mine are like this.

But then about 3 weeks ago they were asking about some friends of ours. Kids at school with our kids. This family has put their kids through total mess and trauma. We have known them for 5 years and in that time there has been messy divorce, domestic violence to kids, new partners and new step sisters, more DV, another split, kids shunted from one parent to another, the non resident parent being banned from seeing kids, homelessness, and emergency council accommodation and so on. A fair chunk of that I would lay firmly at parents door. (who moves their kids into new home with new partner and new sisters 2 months after their mum walked out?)

My ds (age 13) asked about the boys and why the older one self harms, and I explained simply what they had been through in the last 5 years.
I then said, 'you guys don't know how lucky you are'

I have to say, it made quite and impact and there has been a massive drop off in 'when will we be rich' type comments.

FluffyBunny1234 Wed 27-Apr-16 14:38:01

Volunteer work? Not sure how or what I've done but my kids are grateful, especially the older one, he worries about other people and regularly raises money for charity selling things or making things. I first remember when he was little 4ish we walked under a subway near us with homeless people living underneath. He went on and on about how he wanted to get them gloves. Now he collects things to make into a package (like travel toothbrushes, hand warmers etc) and delivers them in winter. I have a strong social conscious too though, I volunteer at the food bank. I also look in on elderly relatives & neighbours which the kids see me doing. I'm not trying to say we're do-gooders far from it but I do believe kids need to be empathetic & think & care about other people in their community.

steppemum Wed 27-Apr-16 14:40:14

yy to the charity. Our church does a Christmas tree, where you take a tag off the tree and buy the person on it a present (eg 7-10 year old boy)

We find one to match each member of the family, they get to chose the gift and wrap it, and attach the tag, and then they are given out to families in the area who are in need.
It is a good reminder close to Christmas that not everyone will get loads under their tree.

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