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"Tbh he is a nightmare at the moment"

(18 Posts)
MrsPear Mon 25-Apr-16 20:34:09

So said the teacher about ds1 age 6 in year one. I am if anything applauding her honesty. He can become angry, aggressive and disruptive. One on one work is good and progressing well. At soon as it is group work he is a handful sometimes it is to the point where he is physically removed to calm down. Senco informed me he is not going on the school trip as his behaviour is so unpredictable. Why is it like this? What have I done wrong? If he does wrong at home. I explain what is wrong - short sharp sentences - and it is time out. He is even getting short tempered with us. I have tried asking why and he just says he hates school and hates us. But beyond that nothing. Sorry I am rambling but I cried all the way home today.

Newes Mon 25-Apr-16 20:37:03

Apart from banning him from the school trip is the SENCO doing anything else to help him? Bringing in outside agencies to observe and advise, for instance?

TheSolitaryBoojum Mon 25-Apr-16 20:39:39

You haven't done anything wrong, but you do need support to find out what's going on and why.

MrsPear Mon 25-Apr-16 21:00:01

I just don't understand why he is so angry. What outside agencies can be brought in?

MrsPear Mon 25-Apr-16 21:00:41

Thanks for the replies - my manners seem to have gone west

Newes Mon 25-Apr-16 21:06:11

They could ask behaviour consultant or Ed Psych to observe behaviour and trigger points, but if they know group work is a problem then they should be addressing that in a structured way already.
Do they let him leave the situation for. time out, for instance? Not as a punishment but as a way of managing his stress and giving him a bit of control back and time to calm down.
Can they give him a 1:1 for the trip? It seems very unfair to exclude him for behaviour he can't currently control.

Tracey92 Mon 25-Apr-16 21:06:35

Ask the school to put you in touch with the educational psychologist. These meetings can take time to set up so best to ask sooner rather than later.
Also stay as " in contact" with the school as you can. I work in a school office and you really see a difference with the parents who are actively trying to help improve their child's behaviours than the parents who leave it up to the school. Ask his teacher at the end of each day how he got on and make sure you talk things through with him every day.

It won't be easy so good luck x

Believeitornot Mon 25-Apr-16 21:09:14

My ds is 6 and very angry at times.

The thing that struck me is that your approach is quite negative - do you tell him what he should do, give him tactics for how he should behave? As opposed to saying that is wrong/don't do that etc?

Where is he in terms of school? Is he bored or does he find it difficult? Have you spoken to him about group work and why he does what he does?

BlueUggs Mon 25-Apr-16 21:22:37

My son struggles to control his anger and his excitement at times. His teacher has given him tasks such as not hitting, sitting nicely, being kind and he gets stickers on a traffic light system and gets rewards if he gets lots of green stickers and has a toy taken away if he gets a red sticker.
We give him ways of coping - go and tell the teacher you are angry BEFORE you hurt other people, ask to go out of the room to calm down.
We've found PRAISE, PRAISE and more PRAISE to be a good thing.

BlueUggs Mon 25-Apr-16 21:22:41

My son struggles to control his anger and his excitement at times. His teacher has given him tasks such as not hitting, sitting nicely, being kind and he gets stickers on a traffic light system and gets rewards if he gets lots of green stickers and has a toy taken away if he gets a red sticker.
We give him ways of coping - go and tell the teacher you are angry BEFORE you hurt other people, ask to go out of the room to calm down.
We've found PRAISE, PRAISE and more PRAISE to be a good thing.

CheckpointCharlie2 Mon 25-Apr-16 21:30:25

They need to follow the ABC thingy, A for antecedent, what happened just before the behaviour, B behaviour, what did he actually do? And C Consequence how did he deal with it and what the sanction was. If they keep a record of that for a while a pattern could reveal itself and they can take steps to disrupt the pattern, eg if it is always when lining up or straight after play, he can come in leading the line or holding a tas hand. If it is always before maths, maybe he needs some pretutoring so he knows what's coming.

Also banning him from the trip is classed as an exclusion, (in my county) they should really ask you to go to support him at least. That's what we do anyway (with a huge risk assessment and extra ta).

I can email you a copy of the Abc form tomorrow if you like. Pm me if you would like it.

I would suggest a behaviour chart at school where he can earn five minutes a lesson towards a reward at the end of the afternoon, so potentially he could earn three or four lots of five minutes on a computer or whatever he likes. Then it is positive and he isnt losing for bad behaviour but earning for good. I have quite a lot more but it's more school based but can share if you want!

MrsPear Tue 26-Apr-16 11:51:40

Check point thank you and it would be wonderful if you could.

I am becoming the negative parent and I know I do need to praise more. I feel like I am trapped in a negative cycle. I ask the teacher how was today and the best they can think of is ok but and then a list of the negative. It feels like he is never doing any thing right.

Right think positive and praise more.

Believeitornot Tue 26-Apr-16 18:13:19

Not just praising but talking more in neutral terms about what he should do in certain situations.

MrsPear Tue 26-Apr-16 19:42:29

Thank you believe. It has been a tough night. He is really upset that he is missing the school trip. He kept saying I have been good today which is true but he has to be good the rest of the time too. It won't be counted as exclusion as it is 3 class entry and only his class is going tomorrow so he is going to one of the others. I just want him to be happy and not so angry. I do believe it is frustration but he needs to learn to express frustration without aggression.

Believeitornot Tue 26-Apr-16 21:51:44

I think not letting him go on the trip is a bit poor on behalf of the school - was it threatened as a consequence? If not then how can he ever learn to behave if it was taken without a clear series of warnings. The risk is that he just then decides "what's the point" and doesn't bother to behave as he's been labelled as a bad child.
I would be sitting down with the teacher to discuss their behaviour policy. He's only 6 sad
What is the school like generally? Would you consider moving him?

Believeitornot Tue 26-Apr-16 21:53:20

In fact thinking on it further - who told him he couldn't go because he's naughty? What if he does have SN? He can't help it surely?

Tippytoes13 Thu 28-Apr-16 20:33:36

I don't agree with excluding him from a school trip, is it a consequence from the school for his poor behaviour, or have they just decided it's easier not having him with the rest of the class? If it's not the result of his poor behaviour, I think it's a bad decision on their behalf. MrsPear you haven't said why he's feeling angry, has he told you why, are their triggers? Have there been any changes to his life recently, I always think when children are playing up at school, it's best to start to look at things at home, then go from there?

minipie Thu 28-Apr-16 22:31:56

How is his sleep?
Any big changes at home recently?

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