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What to do?

(4 Posts)
Balanced12 Sun 24-Apr-16 13:46:51

Help, my DD has been horrible.

Background, DP has been in her life since she was 6mo she see her BioD every other weekend for a few hours. Calls both Daddy (differentiated slightly).

From contact last week BioD wants to pick her up from school, he's asked via text before said no as he 'forgets' to follow through 9 times out of 10. But he(BioD) has told her he wants too, I'm tired of making excuses (had a load of abuse via text from hin) so said to DD no he can't pick you up as he always forgets and always prioritises something or someone else rather than picking you up. This was Tues.

Cue yesterday crying as BioD doesn't think she is important, told her she was the most important thing in the world to me she has Mum and Dad (my DP).

Today at a party entertainer ask her a wish, cue down mic I wish I had a daddy, I didn't hear this (went to toilet) but DP her SD who has done the job for 5 years was (said everyone looked at him, he's not impressed but to leave it).

I've asked DD said she wished for more family time, thing is she has done this before to a carpet sales man (I don't have a daddy) a year ago.

FGS she has two, her BioD (refer to him as that as walked out when she was weeks old never done the ft job) and StepD she is loved alround (although BioD says he doesn't love her to me, she has a fab time when she goes (and he's in ), court wise I have to make her available, I'm sure he doesn't say this to her just to keep me on edge).

I don't know what to do, it's not nice, it's attention seeking, do I hug her or throttle her.

WWYD

Balanced12 Sun 24-Apr-16 13:48:08

She's 5 btw

MattDillonsPants Mon 25-Apr-16 04:00:33

She has not been horrible OP.

She's confused and she's letting you and your partner know that.

She feels that her bio Dad is her real Dad but the evidence is telling her otherwise.

She simply needs constant love and reassurance from both you and her step Dad...it will be fine. You're right not to dress her bio Dad up as something he's not by the way. Lying to her about his inability to remember to collect her would have been bad so I think you were right to tell her.

Talk to her about how she feels...help her name the feelings. At 5 they can't do that...they might feel sad but not know why...they might feel insecure but not know that's what they;re feeling.

Ash her how she feels about things and when she tells you, validate the feelings...tell her it's ok to feel let down/worried/insedure....explain the names of the different emotions and tell her that people...adults and kids alike feel these feelings and some don't feel nice but it's ok to have them and also explain how to make yourself feel better.

Balanced12 Tue 26-Apr-16 11:15:37

Thank you for your reply.

I completely agree, I hope I can create the space for her to speak to me about so I can help her identify and process it.

I think I've got lost in my own emotion on this occasion I do get mad (not at DD/anyone) that her bio Dad is rubbish, it isn't fair on DD.

Wish me luck !

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