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Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

Behaviour/development

I feel like my baby hates me

15 replies

oscarsmummyy · 17/04/2016 14:49

My lb is 7 months old, nearly 8. We have had such a close bond, he would always want me, he would always smile and laugh at me and always search for me if I'm not holding him and when he turnt 6 months it's asif he doesn't want to know me 😞 he doesn't want to come to me anymore, he don't search for me, he don't acknowledge me, he very rarely smiles and laughs at me . When I try and play with him, he looks at everyone else and smiles and laughs with them, like I'm not there 😞 he just doesn't wanna know, i feel like he hates me

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ImperialBlether · 17/04/2016 14:51

Oh that's sad. If you walk into the room, does he turn towards you?

What's he like if it's just you and him in the room?

oscarsmummyy · 17/04/2016 16:10

He just looks at me and then looks away. If it's just me and him in room, he looks at everything around him x

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Smartiepants79 · 17/04/2016 16:16

Has anything changed recently? Have you noticed any other changes in his behaviour?
How is he with other adults he is close to such as his dad?
Be reassured that he is much to little to have any concept of the word 'hate' it is most likely merely a new phase in his development.
He is getting older now and more interested in the world around him. You are always there (presumably) and therefore sadly not as interesting as new people and new things!! I'm very sure he loves you but he just knows that he can rely on you to always be there.
Do you have times when you are away from him? What are other people's perceptions of how he his behaving

oscarsmummyy · 17/04/2016 16:24

Nothing's changed, his behaviour is normal. He's fine with other adults, all happy, laughing and pays an interest. The only time I'm not with him is when I have to pop out for 5 minutes and either his dad or my mum had him. I don't know what I've done wrong :(

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BombadierFritz · 17/04/2016 16:28

You've done everything right. This is a normal developmental stage. He is so confident and secure in you that he doesnt need to be constantly reassured by you as he knows you are always there

Smartiepants79 · 17/04/2016 16:35

I agree. I think this is a normal phase. He is confident and secure that you are there for him so he can now start taking little steps to explore away from you.
Please try not to take it personally and let it get you down.
Be happy that he is confidant and becoming more independent. It is actually a positive reflection of how good yr relationships with him is.
Do you have someone who can look after him for an hour or two? Maybe the and have a bit of time to yourself and see what a reaction you get when you return.

oscarsmummyy · 17/04/2016 16:44

Thank you for your replies, you have made me feel better. I'm just a little sad because it feels like our special bond has gone. I feel like he doesn't know I'm his mummy he has never had separation anxiety either, is this a good or bad thing? I will ask my mum if she can have him for a few hours while me and my partner (his daddy) go on a walk. He gets more excited to see his daddy more than he does me xx

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Smartiepants79 · 17/04/2016 16:50

Again, totally normal. Daddy is exciting because he is not there all of the time!! He is also perhaps a bit less sure of him and therefore trying harder to get a response.
My eldest never had separation anxiety either. But he is perhap still a bit young for that anyway.

oscarsmummyy · 17/04/2016 16:57

Ahh okay, thank you :) does this explain why he doesn't play with me anymore ?x

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FishWithABicycle · 17/04/2016 16:57

Your special bond is not gone. It's so strong it's like superglue - your baby isn't quite aware that you are a separate person to him, and you are slightly less exciting than daddy in the same way that his own hand is slightly less exciting than daddy. You are doing fine and there is nothing to worry about as far as your baby is concerned. However, feeling as if your baby hates you can be a symptom of post-natal depression and it is entirely possible to develop this during the first few months rather than straight after giving birth so if you keep feeling this way go and see your gp and ask to be assessed for pnd.

notagiraffe · 17/04/2016 17:13

Separation anxiety doesn't begin until about 10 months, and believe me, you won't want it when it does happen! Sounds like he's so secure in you that he's interested in exploring other things around him. they get very inquisitive at around 6 months, as they are getting mobile and able to start to explore. All very normal!

Btw, DS2 was like this to a degree that the HV wondered if he had attachment disorder, as he made no preference for me over any one else. Turns out he has mild autism. Now he's older though, he is very snuggly, loves his cuddles, says he loves me all the time, and is really loving and protective. So even if it is an underlying problem, it doesn't mean it's a sign he doesn't love you!

ImperialBlether · 17/04/2016 17:19

Separation anxiety doesn't begin until about 10 months

Not in all children, notagiraffe. My son gave himself a hernia (literally) when I had the nerve to run to the local shop and leave him with my sister and my daughter.

notagiraffe · 18/04/2016 08:00

Ah Imperial poor thing. I only meant she doesn't need to worry that he's not displaying it yet.

oscarsmummyy · 18/04/2016 08:06

Thank you so much for all of your replies, you have really made me feel better and at ease. I really appreciate it :) x

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corythatwas · 18/04/2016 08:14

Your special bond will change and develop over the years and won't look the same when he is 6 as when he was 2 or 1 or 2 months. Atm what is probably happening is that he is learning about focusing on the outside world- a necessary stage in his development, but one that means he has less time for the bit he has already dealt with: his bond with you. Babies tend to learn in fits and starts: when he is learning to walk, his speech may take a back seat and vice versa, Just now, he is concentrating on something else. Your job is to be the there in the background and provide total confidence in the bond, leaving him free to explore safely in the knowledge that you will always be there for him when he needs you.

Can you tell that I have a 6 foot tall, deep voiced, fluffy bearded 15yo? Our bond doesn't look anything like it did when he was a tiny cuddly baby: his face very rarely lights up when he sees me coming and I can't remember when I last got covered with big sloppy kisses. If I get a grunt out of him that will have to do. But the bond is there and it is built on all those other stages and it is still just as special.

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