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13 month old rejecting me and I'm devastated

(5 Posts)
Pam0077 Thu 14-Apr-16 20:35:41

Hi I've posted on here a few times since DS1 was born, he has never been a cuddly baby, doesn't want to sit on my knee or cuddle he is quite active and always on the go. I was telling myself that this was because he was only a baby, but at 13 months things feel worse. He clings to my Dad and is so pleased to see him. My DH he will reach for him, but on a few occasions DS has cried or squirmed away when I pick him up. He has a tantrum to get off my knee. I feel like I'm going through the motions and that he has no bond with me, I feel so upset and rejected that he doesn't seek comfort with him mum and that hurts me so much x

ClutterofStarlings Thu 14-Apr-16 22:29:28

I'm not here yet, but bumping for you. I've read a few threads like this though and the advice often seems to come back that it's a phase, and next they'll be rejecting daddy and will be stuck to you like glue. And to try not to take it personally (as far as I can tell that's most of motherhood if threads here are anything to go by!)

Smartiepants79 Thu 14-Apr-16 22:42:02

Does he never come to you for cuddles or reassurance?
Does try and get away from you and awful lot or just very occasionally?
It's quite normal for toddlers, especially active ones, to run away, squirm and tantrum to get down and not want to be picked up and cuddled all the time.
It's also quite normal for different people to get different reactions. People who are not there all the time, even if he sees them every day, are naturally more interesting and exciting. Both my girls get very excited when daddy comes home or a grandparent turns up.
Have you always felt like this with him?
Some of what you've written rings alarms bells for PND with me.
Much of your problems seem to me to be more about how you perceive the relationship than about how your son feels about you.
Cluttero is right, you must try and not take it so personally. He has no concept of 'bonds'. He knows who loves him and who he can rely on. He seems very secure in your love for him as he is confident enough to go off and get on with exploring and learning.

corythatwas Sat 16-Apr-16 13:27:15

He is just learning that he is an independent person from you, and that may take the form of appearing to push you away. Other people are not so close to him so he doesn't need to push them.

Also, if you get upset by it or are more intense in your cuddling him, that may trigger further push-away actions. So try not to show if you are upset: brisk and cheerful goes very far ime. Cuddles aren't the only way to maintain a bond with your child: there are millions of ways.

DoodleCat Sat 16-Apr-16 13:30:58

Agree with previous posters, he knows he can rely on you, he knows you're there for him. It's harsh though I know.. My DS rejected his Dad & it made him (Dad)/so upset. It was just a phase though I promise.

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