12 year old doesn't enjoy or appreciate anything!

[costamum79]

I'm at my wits end with my son. He is 12 years old and since about the age of 10 he just doesn't smile and has this laid back attitude like he's too cool for anything. I've taken him on numerous holidays and even sent him to a three day camp to do canoeing, zip lining etc and he said he was bored! I even took him to Disney at the weekend and he barely spoke to anyone and even walked off as I was about to get on a ride with him. He does it in such a calm manner which is so frustrating. He academically is amazing, top grades in school and works so hard without much assistance from me. However I just need some energy from him. It's like he has nothing inside and is so lazy. He'd rather sit at home doing nothing. He used to do martial arts which again he found boring, I've tried talking him out for walks, encouraged him to play outside with his friends but that only lasts a few minutes and he comes back saying he is bored. I feel so unappreciated and I'm at my wits end. His lack of anything is quite embarrasing when family and friends try talking to him as he just mopes about like kevin the teenager. Anyone have any suggestions on how to bring this 12 year old back to life? Me and his dad are very lively people!

[annandale]

I have a 12 year old ds - I feel your pain!

This is going to be so hard - but I would think he's pretty much forcing you to do it - stop doing anything. Hang out at home, be around him; you could require him to be downstairs with you for a certain amount of time. Ask him for help with a few basic things, don't require that he smiles or enjoys it. Ask him what he's playing or watching (I assume he's a gamer in some form...) And that's about it. See if he opens up - and it may take a while. I can't say that this will 'work' but I can say that my relationship with my son is better when I do this kind of thing.

[costamum79]

Thanks annandale I'll give that a try, maybe baby steps to start with!

[albertcampionscat]

Maybe he just wants some peace and quiet and time alone. There's nothing at all wrong with that.

[steppemum]

ds is thirteen, and he certainly works better when I say something like - I'm going to be in the garden, if you want to help, and then leave it. About an hour later he will wander outside to find me and end up helping (I should add that he earns money by doing heavy garden jobs like digging)

When I am more directive he tends to back off.

I focus on enjoying him when he is around, and telling him so. I also find that he is now interested in adult stuff, so it took a bit of a mindshift to change how I interact to treating him more grown-up. For example, the film/tv we watch, I was watching Shetland and he got really into it, so I made a point of reminding him and then saying - Shetland's on and I've made some tea. Then leaving it, sometimes he'll come, sometimes not, but he feels included.

[ArmfulOfRoses]

I agree to leave him a bit more.
Could you possibly give him a budget and some dates and task him with finding some trips or outings?