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8 year old bullied? Is it bullying though?

(5 Posts)
Feellikerubbish Thu 24-Mar-16 23:03:20

My 8 year old son used to struggle a little socially. He was very reserved and didn't seem to like joining in with the boys, he cried and sulked easily.

He is now a lot more talkative, and has a close group of friends. In fact he doesn't stop talking now.

He can sometimes have a moan and shout when he doesn't get his way and he loves computer games while his friends do like it too, they are happy also to do imaginative play. My son does too at school but he would choose computer over play if he had a choice.

Recently he has become really agressive at home and he finally opened up to me that sometimes his friends would leave him out, telling him they want to alone time, to play without him. He said it didn't bother him much and he'd go and play with someone else. He said it seems to happen to him more than others and it's 2 of his closer friends who do this and the rest of the boys usually follow leaving him to play with other people he doesn't r normally play with. Tonight he tells me that it happened 2 days ago while he was happily playing with them, suddenly they told him they are not going to play with him and all of the group walked away. He sat on a bench for the rest of the play time.

These are boys who often come to our house to play and that I thought all was good. Thing is my son does tend to not share as nicely as others. His friends could do something nice for him and he wouldnt return the favour. Sometimes he could talk and sound rude too.

I feel really hurt for what he might be feeling, I feel so sad sad

I see this as bullying, has anyone else got any advise? I don't want to interfere as I'd like my son to figure it out himself but at the same time I don't want it to carry on and turn into any physical bullying.

I spoke to the teacher but asked him not to talk with my son or the 2 boys as I wanted to let him sort out his own friendships. Am I doing the right thing? His teacher hasn't noticed anything but said he'd keep eye on them.

MattDillonsPants Thu 24-Mar-16 23:07:02

It's very hard to find the line where it's bullying or the child whose being left out is being difficult and making the others not want to play with them.

Have you spoken to your son about him being rude or about him not being kind? Explained that this might be why they're leaving him out?

Feellikerubbish Fri 25-Mar-16 00:04:20

I have explained many times. I have also read books about kindness, sharing, friendships....

I have recently seen an education psychologist (just a drop in session for some advice) as I was worried he might have aspergers but she said at this age it's quite hard to diagnose as many of his behaviour is just him being a kid and pushing boundaries. He's quite selfish but that I could also put down to he was our first and also the first kid on both sides of the family so he was spoilt rotten until his sister came along 4 years after him.

He can be quite blunt and so honest to the extent that he sees no wrong when he could be offending someone.

Maybe it is his behaviour but I'm just not sure how to help or deal with this.

MattDillonsPants Fri 25-Mar-16 00:14:25

Well I think you need the support of the school....it's very tricky because in my opinion FAR more attention needs to be given to social skills in schools...there should be regular help for all children.

I think at this age, your son needs a lot of positive reinforcement and strong boundaries. As long as you're not getting complaints from school about his behaviour then you can assume he is being mostly kind to his friends....so why not concentrate on boosting his confidence by embracing his passions?

For instance you could find a computer club he could join...this would allow him to extend his social circle whilst learning new skills. What about looking for coding classes for him? Make a big thing of his love for computers...it might make him feel less negative about himself.

Feellikerubbish Fri 25-Mar-16 02:08:00

I think I will speak to school after the easter holiday and see how they could help. Last year in year 2, they had a support worker who took him out of lessons to play and see how he is and she didn't have any concerns. His teacher this year also isn't concerned about his behaviour so I think it's more to do with his behav I ur outside school. I think in school he plays nicely, just when he has friends at home that he gets a bit selfish.... I was thinking of stopping the play dates for a while...

In terms of computer coding, he has tried that and I tried to encourage him to do it with me once a week but as with everything else ( again not sure if it's an age thing ) he loses interests after a few times of doing the same thing. This is consistent with other things he does too

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