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Please tell me about your high needs child

(14 Posts)
Lamu Wed 23-Mar-16 21:04:55

Dd 4 was a typical high needs baby. She was hyper alert, intense, super sensitive, non sleeping and a complete boob monster! I love her to bits. She's amazing, she's funny, kind, very thoughtful and creative. She has lots of little friends at preschool and loves helping her teachers as one of the eldest there. I'm always hearing good things about her.

However at home I find her incredibly hard work. Sleepwise not much has changed, she's up at the crack of dawn. She's needs lots of reassurance. Very, very needy. She can't occupy herself for more than 10 minutes without my input. She will literally follow me round the house. She needs to know where I am and what I'm doing. If I sit down, she wants to be on me. She's very competitive with her sister and I'm forever refereeing them, she'll torment Dd2 to the point she'll scratch or hit I'm not justifying it btw they both end up being told off for it. But Dd1 will then whine or tantrum because she's been told off and she didn't start it. She wants everything her sister has even though dd2 had it first.

We start the day relatively well but by 10/11 I'm completely frazzled. Bedtime is another battle. Tears and whinging galore. I worry weather I should be going easier on her. I know that I don't spend enough 1 on 1 time with her but we'll soon get one morning a week as Dd2 will be at pre-school.

Please tell me it's gets easier?

Lamu Thu 24-Mar-16 11:24:36


<swigs gin from bottle>

moomoogalicious Thu 24-Mar-16 11:36:34

Yes mine's 13 and still 'high needs' - sorry!

Wouldn't breast feed, regressed with potty training twice, sensitivity issues, tantrums at least 5 times a day up until 7 or 8yo, intense jealously towards siblings, fussy eater, always bored or needed my attention, nightmare to take out on days out.

Now she's older we have , friendship issues, gender issues, sexuality issues, doesn't sleep but she's super clever, super talented at art and music. We have a very open relationship in that we can talk about anything, but boy it has been a battle to get there!

<hands gin back to op>

moomoogalicious Thu 24-Mar-16 11:43:33

In answer to your question, I suppose it has got easier in that I pick my battles and dd has finally learnt to walk away and cool off if she feels she's loosing her temper. I rarely shout these days and tend to use natural consequences for most things.

She is the eldest dc but by far the hardest work!

CheeseAndOnionWalkers Thu 24-Mar-16 11:45:11

My oldest is 15 and still high needs. Sorry.

My middle child (age 13) is probably normal to easy while my youngest (age 10) is very easy.

Lamu Thu 24-Mar-16 11:47:43

Thanks moo not really what I wanted to hear grin

Yes we also have noise sensitivity issues and lots of tantrums. Hope you don't mind me asking...did the jelousy get any easier with age? That's what we're really struggling with at the moment.

I think she's also spent this year bored senseless, she's the eldest everywhere she goes. I'm praying hoping that when she starts school things will improve a little.

gandalf456 Thu 24-Mar-16 11:50:24

My eleven year old is like this and you describing your 4 year old sounds very familiar. I will say it gets easier because at least they are out of your hair at school. The plus side of her is that she lets everything hang out and is an extrovert which I think makes her very popular so, to some extent, her need to be stimulated and around people is met through friends, rather than from me.

She is going into pre-teens so, once again, is having massive tantrums, being unreasonable, not cooperating etc, etc. She has a brother, too, who, at home, is mostly super easy but, when she is in the house, I know she is there. However, she is a dream to take out, gets on well with others. She just can't cope with being on her own at home. She gets massively bored.

Alfieisnoisy Thu 24-Mar-16 11:59:09

My son has autism and can be very high needs despite being verbal and reasonably able etc. However I can so relate to the sleep issues, the following round the house etc. I might only be upstairs putting stuff away and my son will call every 5 mins or so with "Mum where are you?" He is 13 and less likely to follow me around now but it used to be dreadful. It has settled a bit but he still has to constantly check where I am.

My son HAS got easier...or at least we have exchanged some problems for new ones.. He is still fairly demanding though.

Yes to starting school as she will have new things to occupy her mind and she will learn that she can cope in a classroom without you by her side.

moomoogalicious Thu 24-Mar-16 12:00:49

Lamu yes I think the jealously is still there. She winds up her siblings all the time and treats them with disdain.

My other children are like cheese's although I try not to compare. Now she's older she's ok to stay at home when we go out - it's so much easier! I hate myself for thinking that, but it's true sad.

However, if we go out 1-1, she's lovely. I would suggest doing that every now and again if you can. It's nice to have a day together that isn't spent arguing the whole time.

moomoogalicious Thu 24-Mar-16 12:01:34

and yes to exchanging some problems for new ones!

Lamu Fri 25-Mar-16 10:54:21

Exchanging old problems for new ones! Oh hell...I'll need to invest in a gin distillery at this rate. grin

YY on the 1 to 1 time. It's tricky to get that quality time when you've got two to look after. It was obviously a lot easier before dd2 came along as she had my undivided attention.

YY she's very different to her little sister. Who's so chilled in comparison.

I think the reason I struggle so much with her is that I need a lot of alone time to recharge I'm a complete introvert but undoubtedly that's when she wants to be on me.

flowers Thanks all.

corythatwas Fri 25-Mar-16 11:14:42

I've got one of them- now 19, working fulltime and auditioning for some very prestigious schools all over the country.

It has and it hasn't got easier.

On the one hand- her personality hasn't changed one whit as far as I can see. She is still anxious, prone to mood swings, easily thrown by routine, needing frequent constant reassurance.

On the other hand- as she has got older it has become clearer that I am not longer responsible for managing her personality: she is. She has been taught techniques for managing stress, she does sometimes ring me if she is having a panic attack, but I will no longer come and get her, just remind her of what she has to do.

On the plus side, she is a truly lovely person, very insightful and understanding of other people. And has developed a fine sense of gallows humour.

corythatwas Fri 25-Mar-16 11:15:46

And I'm also an introvert person, with a tendency to stiff upper lip and not wanting to talk about my problems. It's been an education...

JasperDamerel Fri 25-Mar-16 11:27:08

Mine is 9 and a lot easier. She can read to amuse herself if she can't sleep, and we have learned ways of preventing most of the mood swings (routine,routine, routine, very calm parenting).

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