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can he really be delayed at 8 weeks?! need advice

(21 Posts)
notquite2point4 Thu 17-Mar-16 17:35:28

Aargh, feeling thoroughly fed up, have an 8week old ds. Born at 38+5, induced due to stopping growing and reduced movements. Still a healthy weight but small for gestational age, stopped growing at approx 36 weeks.
Since then suffered with reflux and constipation, diagnosed with a cmpa. Generally a very cuddly clingy baby. But when he is happy he smiles, copies faces, tracks you/ a toy and generally seems engaged. Kicks his arms and legs about and seems to be getting a little more controlled in his movements (not thrashy like a newborn).
I am totally happy with him. Well I'm trying to be! Bloody health professionals keep making me feel like shit. I know they have a job to do but how much more should he REALLY be doing by now?
6 week check (at 7 weeks) got told he hasn't enough head control, poor muscle tone and need to come back and try to pass him again at 10 weeks . Wants me to make him do more tummy time etc in mean time (even though he is sick every time I do sad
8 week Drs check today. Physically he is fine but doctor thinks he is a bit too newborny still , but he will PROBABLY catch up , with enough stimulation (I don't know if that means they think I'm not?) No follow up cos HV doing it.
Im a nursery nurse by profession and have two older children , but I just want to be able to enjoy my baby, he is so gorgeous and snuggly (and demanding!) and he is only this little for such a short time I don't want to spend it worrying and trying to force his development (though how I possibly could I don't know!)
Sorry it's long, cheers to anyone who had the stamina to read it all... I don't know what I want really, either some reassurance or to be told to get my head out of my arse and start worrying properly?! I could merrily cry at this point, completely confused sad

notquite2point4 Thu 17-Mar-16 18:06:25

It's ok I have now stopped getting upset and come up with a completely workable plan... I will hide in the house for the foreseeable future.. At least until he holds his head up independently (he's already trying I think, so he should master it before he is, say 14?), and then I don't need to worry about helpful observations or comparisons.
Now I just need to work out how I can convince my boss that I can work from home after maternity leave....Ratios maybe an issue :/

hellhasnofurylikeahungrywoman Thu 17-Mar-16 18:11:03

As a nursery nurse I would say trust your gut instinct although I do know how worrying these 'tests' can be. Just tell your boss you are working from home after all, working from home seems to be the in thing these days flowers.

GiveMyHeadPeaceffs Thu 17-Mar-16 18:11:20

Oh this resonates big time for me! By the time my ds was 5 months old I was ready to slap the next HCP that gave me advice about his development. My ds had bowel surgery and a minor heart problem, was born at 36 weeks by emergency section and as a ftm I think I was in shock...cue multiple hv, midwife, consultant and Physio appointments. Once my ds was discharged from the paediatric consultant (heart and bowel are fine and dandy) I told the hv I didn't any more of her advice and I'd see her again when he's a year old. My HV though is rubbish and seriously panicked me about ds's weight...

Long story short, tell them he's fine (as long as you think he's thriving) and they can jog on grin

notquite2point4 Thu 17-Mar-16 18:30:03

I shall try that hellhas! I'm sure she will understand ;) thanks for the flowers.. I need them in my pity party mood.
I keep telling myself to trust my instincts, Dd had hundreds of tests as a baby for failure to thrive, she ended up under that many consultants and specialists I lost count. She had some really invasive tests, though I had always believed she was fine, albeit petite, they felt otherwise. Fast forward to now and apart from being petrified of all things medical, she is a physically healthy, fairly average sized 11 year old. Poor kid went through it all for nothing. However my instincts did tell me something wasn't right when it came to her hyper mobility and asd. I so want to trust my instincts but I'm worried that because of what we went through before I'm burying my head in the sand as I so don't want there to be any problems ... Does that make sense?
Can I just say thanks but no thanks to the extra checks then? Well I know I can, but do you think it reflects badly if I do? I shall certainly be trying to do the bare minimum when it comes to health care professionals that's for sure.
Even the midwives gave me the whole 'rod for your own back' thing for holding him too much at 10 days old!! Telling me he "thinks I'll come running if he cries", well A. I will, that's kinda my job right now, and B. He is supposed to think that! Grrrr
Sorry ranting again!

notquite2point4 Thu 17-Mar-16 18:30:46

Slightly reassured to hear it's not just me though!blush

notquite2point4 Thu 17-Mar-16 18:33:23

Oh and I'm glad his heart and bowels are fine now, that sounds scary, last thing you need is 'professionals ' making you worry more !

hellhasnofurylikeahungrywoman Thu 17-Mar-16 19:08:52

Makes complete sense but I also don't think there is any harm in questioning why the doctor wants to do these tests and what he is hoping to gain from them, sometimes doctors do things without really thinking through why they are doing them. I think it could make good sense to wait a while and see how he progresses.

I am with you, I work on a transitional baby unit and am often the lone voice saying "You cannot 'spoil' your baby by cuddling them when the want to be held"

Gizmo2206 Thu 17-Mar-16 23:56:03

I actually haven't posted on here for ages as forgot my password, so had to reset it because I HAD to post on here!!

Congratulations on your baby, I'm sure he is PERFECT.

My baby was born at 35 weeks following very stressful pregnancy, decreasing amniotic fluid and growth restriction. When we came home from hospital when she was less than 4 weeks old (still less than 5lbs) the HV asked if she was smiling, I said no and chuckled as I thought it was too early and she said "oh well that's a bit worrying, think we should keep an eye on her as that's a bit delayed" Christ sakes she shouldn't have even been born at that point!

Then I had a consultant tell me her had was too big, then a HV tell me it was too small and generally lots of worrying things said to me at appointments and it sort of ruined those lovely early weeks.

She's now almost one and bright as a button, but still at her 1 year the same health visitor commented that she was worried that she didn't yet clap (despite performing the reviews when DD was 8 months old - or 7 months corrected if you want to be picky!) but I used to be a teacher and have worked in nurseries, I can see myself that she's totally fine and am glad that I am now able to trust my insticts that deserted me in the early days!

Your little boy is tracking things and smiling and he's only a few weeks old! He sounds just perfect to me!

cestlavielife Fri 18-Mar-16 00:15:46

If there is hypermobility in the family he could be hypermobile and have low muscle tone . Have him checked by a physio specialising on babies in a month or so.

Low muscle tone can be noted from newborn and can be a clue to longer term issues but could be just slight physical delay. My dd had low tone and hypermobility walked late age two. (But very bright is top of the class ) Ask for referral to physio..by the time the appt comes thru he will be few weeks older and you will know if you still need it. Won't do any harm.

Even if he has some low tone you can still focus on the loving and the smiling .

KanyesVest Fri 18-Mar-16 00:31:44

If he's clingy and hates tummy time, would a sling work? I found one brilliant with ds (I was on crutches and had a 2yo to manage too) and my hv commented repeatedly how good his head control was and how diligent I was with tummy time. Poor child never had a minute of it, but he'd look up to "chat" to me which seemed to have the same effect.

Congratulations on your baby, he sounds lovely.

TheAussieProject Fri 18-Mar-16 02:50:20

Tummy time is overrated and not that much necessary . OF course babies hates it, it is like putting a turtle on its back, it can't move from there. It is true it helps build muscles but wouldn't these muscles come anyway? My DS2 had an awful reflux, and he hated with a passion being on his tummy. Who would want to lie on the stomach when you have tummy pain? So my DS2 had very little tummy time, walked at 15 months and this Sunday he is taking part at the NSW Athletics state championship for Shot put, so I can guarantee you your son will build his shoulder muscles anyway, just as his own time. He is 9 and tall, muscular (far more than his brother who was happy to spend hours on his tummy) and excels in many sports. So in my book, tummy time doesn't mean s$%t

Follow your instinct. Happy baby is good.

What about you lying on your back and putting your son flat on you, and playing, singing, cuddling him while lying there. He will raise his head just to look at you with adoring eyes. Tickle him, raise him with straight arm in the air and then towards your face (unless he vomits of course) .

Head control can be acquired while being in mummy's arm instead of facing down and crashing the nose. And if you are crying, it is almost impossible to cry and raise head at the same time.

Ignore them, it is your 3º child, trust your instinct !

fanjoforthemammaries7850 Fri 18-Mar-16 03:07:33

I always think people on here dismiss medical professionals too easily in the main.
However I would definitely ignore those who talk of spoiling babies by attending to their needs.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 Fri 18-Mar-16 03:09:45

They don't sound that concerned IMO so I wouldn't get too stressed about it,.easy for me to say I know.

notquite2point4 Fri 18-Mar-16 06:56:53

Thanks all. Fanjo, I normally feel yes hcp have a job (and an important one at that!) to do, but in this situation, i just feel they are (unintentionally) sucking the joy out of these precious early days, and I so so strongly believe leaving such a young baby to cry would only have negative effects on our bond, his wellbeing and development and my own mental health (who can listen to that new baby cry?! It's heartbreaking!) that it really upsets me when they insinuate that by doing so I am some how holding him back or causing problems sad

notquite2point4 Fri 18-Mar-16 06:57:31

So In short I totally agree Fanjo

notquite2point4 Fri 18-Mar-16 06:59:20

Aussie, that's reassuring! I have tried the chest root, and he seems happier like that - just have to make sure I'm not in my favourite top , it doesn't end well!!! I shall persevere a bit more with our more gentle root!

notquite2point4 Fri 18-Mar-16 07:05:57

Cestlavie I had wondered the same myself about hypermobility, but sort of assumed they wouldn't DO anything yet even if it was? It's something I can explore for sure. My Dd was nearly two before she was diagnosed, we have had minimal input about it even then. A handful of physio sessions and then just basically told 'she's never gonna be an athlete, give her calpol if it hurts"
She does suffer with pain, and is extremely uncoordinated and struggles with lots of simple physical tasks (opening lids, carrying anything heavy, and we have totally given up on bike riding, it's never gonna happen), but I assume some of that is hindered by her asd as well.

Kanye, our sling is our best friend! And actually I think you may be right, as the one time he does turn/briefly support his own head is when he is supported up close in that, so will carry on giving him that opportunity. I'm sure children in other cultures that are carried in slings much of the time still manage to support their heads when they are ready.

notquite2point4 Fri 18-Mar-16 07:12:10

Gizmo, thank you for sharing that. Sounds like we have similar hvs! I'm sort of looking at it that between the early induction and the iugr ds lost quite a few weeks of growth and development In the womb and that he will get there (though I don't see too much wrong with where he is at anyway!) I've just got to try and build up that resilience back to trust my instincts again.
Hell has , I wish they had told me what the intention of monitoring/ retesting was but there is no explanation forthcoming, more like "oh it's probably fine, we will see him again though to make sure he is doing x,y and z" but no one will tell me what they are thinking of doing if he doesn't? Even when directly asked. I have no idea what a transitional baby unit is, but if it involves cuddling babies I'm there!

cestlavielife Fri 18-Mar-16 08:12:27

They need to keep an eye on a low tone baby in case it s going to be something other than just hms . Or something eg neuro muscular.

Besides my hms dd who does not have lds my other dc low tone baby does have other issues and early intervention is key.

If you or dh also hms it may be just a familial thing.

Physio can advise on position etc and hands on exercises to promote muscle strength from early on.

notquite2point4 Mon 18-Apr-16 10:21:27

Sorry didn't see the last reply. Seems you may be right.
He is now 13 weeks and although his tone has improved he has been referred to a paediatrician as he is still not meeting his 6week milestones, he is also having a lot of tremors and possibly some mini seizures /spasms.
I think they are mainly thinking cerebral palsy but I'm not sure 100%
He has also been referred to physio . One very worried mummy now. Just hoping we don't have to wait too long for answers so we can get him the right help

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