I just really messed up in a stand off with my 3 year old. Don't know what now.
DD often has to be dragged out, she prefers playing indoors but I find a whole afternoon inside exhausting. She has nursery in the morning and a fairly long scoot there and back so does get outside each day but I find afternoons cooped up stressful and hard work.
We were due to go for a play date at the park with DDs best friend. I let DD have iPad after lunch while I fed the baby but I said after this Ben and holly it's time to go. Anyway, after the Ben and holly she refused to switch off. I had to take the iPad from her and she had a total tantrum. Screaming and refusing to get ready to go. I tried explaining her friend was waiting, her friend would be sad etc but DD just didn't want to go out. I tried to manhandle but that wasn't going to end well. I also had the 4 month old screaming at this point as she was ready for a nap.
In the end DD started saying she was ill. I had that moment of doubt 'what if she doesn't feel well?' So said fine, go have a nap. I cancelled the play date, which I feel awful about. The friend will be disappointed and her nanny pretty within her rights to be pissed off. 5 minutes later she wants to get up.
I have told her how cross I am and that she has been very naughty, she had 7 minutes on the naughty step.
She is banned from iPad today as that was a threat used mid tantrum.
What now? Do I just let it go and get on with an afternoon playing in? I don't know if that will let her think she 'won'. But if I stay cross and refuse to play with her all afternoon isn't that just mean? She's nearly 4 but I can't punish her all pm can I?
Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.
Behaviour/development
parenting failure. what do I do now?
ThinkAboutItTomorrow · 15/03/2016 15:22
Stop beating yourself up! It's just one of those days 
What does she want to do when she's staying in? Personally I'd get rid of the iPad for a start! Next time don't bother telling her the plans just tell her to put her shoes on at the appropriate time and leave the house. If she has a tantrum deal with it by standing still and waiting for it to pass, don't talk to her or try and reason. Then very on with the business of going to the park as planned. It's your way at this age, she has to go out and get fresh air (besides she will have fun when she's there)!
DD used to have major tantrums when I took the ipad away. In the end I had to ban it completely for a few weeks, and it has now been reintroduced but strictly 30 mins a day only and using a timer to remind her to stop, she finds it easier to accept the time limit than if I just say enough.
I expected to have these kind of restricted tech time arguments once she got nearer to being a teen, not at 4! 
I should also time limit my own screen time but here I am on MN again 
Ah, don't be so hard on yourself! You made a judgement call (that she was just messing about) and it turned out to be wrong. It happens to everyone - we aren't mind-readers, and 3 year olds are unpredictable!
It sounds like your routine isn't working quite right though, if you regularly have to drag DD out against her will.
Is it the transition that's the problem, and she's happy once she's out? On days when you want to be out for the afternoon, could you bring a picnic and go straight from nursery pickup instead of going home and then having to go out again? I appreciate that might be hard with the baby, but if you could do it even for a while it might break the cycle.
Or is it just that she's shattered and needs some afternoons at home? If you find it really hard, maybe invite friends to your house so you get the playmates, but with the comfort (to her) of home.
I'd be inclined to create a set routine combining afternoons out on x,y,z day (straight from nursery if poss) and a few afternoons at home which may include a playdate. Then you can say 'it's Tuesday, we always go to the park on Tuesdays' if she complains.
Tomorrow is another day! There's nothing wrong with apologizing to her briefly if you feel you were really wrong (but be prepared for lots of attempts to convince you she is ill over the next few weeks if so!). But she will honestly put the whole debacle behind her much faster than you do 
Definitely not a parenting fail - just a bit of normal parenting! You've got years of practice ahead of you in gauging whether they are trying it on or really exhausted/ill. But they get better at acting as they get older 
. Mine are 7 and 10 and definitely belong on stage with their tragic wails of 'But I'm sooo tired, Mummy!' They usually forget to act tired once they are doing whatever activity it is though.
Thanks everyone. Our house is peaceful for a while at least.
I think I will try formalising the staying in days. It's not just the transition though, it's a genuine preference for playing at home. I think it's a bit because she likes let's pretend play and I tend not to join in when out and about. I feel a bit of a tit pretending to be Ursula the sea witch in the playground!
Yesterday I forced her out and she kept up the wailing about wanting to go home for a good 20 minutes. It only stopped when I found a sunny sheltered spot and we played and told stories there. To be fair it was cold and windy and I wasn't exactly loving being out but I thought it would do her good.
Maybe it will get better as the weather gets better.
Bedtime might be fun later. I'm off to wake her up. Wish me luck.
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.