2.5 year old out of control

[Pammy1976]

I am posting as I am really at a loss at what to do with my 2.5 year old. His behaviour has been terrible since the birth of my second son 9 months ago. Everyone said it would take time for him to adjust but 9 months on and things are getting worse not better. He repeatedly hits, bites, nips and pushes the baby. i honestly can't not leave him in the room unattended with the baby for even a second. Today while out in the car he leaned over from his car seat and slapped the baby's face and bite his hand. Up to now the only thing that has kept me going was that his behaviour was ok (not great but acceptable) at nursery. However for the last 2 weeks every time I pick him up, I am getting told that he is hitting other children, throwing toys and not listening. The nursery have given him time out but they said he appears to not care and seems to be proud of his naughty behaviour. Today I had to sign an accident report as he bite another child. I feel so ashamed and really do not know what to do. He gets lots of attention and love. I take him swimming and to a gym class once a week to allow fun 1:1 time and he gets lots of 1:1 time with his dad. I have tried reward charts, time out, ignoring him when he misbehaves but nothing seems to have any impact on him. I was so upset tonight that I came home in tears. I made a point of telling him he had made mummy cry and instead of looking upset as I suspected he grabbed a small chair and tried to hit me over the head with it. He regular kicks, hits and pulls my hair and nothing I do seems to help. I feel like such a terrible parent and have no idea how I try to help him stop this behaviour. My mum thinks the problem is he is spoiled and gets to much attention but my gut feeling tells me it is something deeper.

[LovelyWeatherForDucks]

My 3.5 year old is similar, we have a 7 month old baby too and it's corresponded with that. It's exhausting. i've given up on 'punishing' as it seems to result in a negative spiral - I seem to be having some success with positive parenting / gentle parenting techniques, and the book 'How to talk so kids listen'. Lots of 'time in', sympathy, recognising feelings, etc. I also have a repertoire of activities which are unlikely to trigger any drama - certain parks, playgroups, local attractions, swimming, friends/grandparents houses, etc, so try and keep him busy with those while we ride out this tough bit! He is wonderfully sweet and gentle with the baby so I feel his 'bad' behaviour is his outlet for all the changes going on in his little life!

[babyboomersrock]

Swimming and gym class (do you do the gym class with him?) is probably only a couple of hours a week, OP. That's very little time to a child who craves more time with his mummy.

And please don't cry in front of him and then try to guilt-trip him - he's only a toddler, barely past babyhood himself.

How many hours does he spend at nursery? Could it be that he's jealous because he's being "sent away" while you're at home with the baby?

Obviously you need to protect your younger dc but your older dc needs you just as much. Make sure he doesn't feel he has to fight for attention.

[howiloveanicecupoftea]

What's "time in"..?