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Holiday Without Baby

(40 Posts)
ELFarion Fri 26-Feb-16 07:14:58

Need some advice, first time on here. Thought about posting in Travel so may do that too, but interested in affect this subject will have on behavior and development.

Background Story: Was with my soul mate for a long time but at a young age. Left him at about 18 for some one more exciting and passionate. (Was very naive soon learnt my big mistake) With this new man for three years, became weak and controlled, he affected my mental health, had to see doctor, decided to have child, decided is vague as i was not myself or in a good place, new man surprised me by becoming more emotionally abusive than I had realised possible. Found new found strength after my son was born, left his father for the sake of my son and myself almost a year later after trying to make things work healthily. Coping very well, very good happy child we have a great bond have financial stability and all is great for us two.

Now: For a while my childhood sweetheart and I have been courting, when I had a child with someone else he packed up and moved to Australia. We never lost contact though. I would like to visit him in Australia. My son is 1 on 16/03. I don't know whether to take him or not. I want to, but it would be very difficult for my son. It's a long flight, (I'm in the UK) the time zone is hugely different and it's unfair for him to have to travel so much and have to adjust and then readjust when he comes home. I feel like it would do more harm than benefit for him if he were to come.

But then will it scar him if I leave him for 10 days? He would be with his grandma who he loves. (He ignores me when she's around and kicks up a fuss when she leaves, I think because she over spoils him which I don't mind) he'd also have his great nan and grandad and the dogs and the country side and loads of things to keep him occupied.

I'd love to just go for a few days or just bring him a long but because of distance a few days isn't possible and bringing him would certainly do more damage than good in my eyes.

Has anyone else left their child this long? Does anyone have any actual evidence based proof knowledge on whether leaving them for over a few days has an effect on them or not?
What do you guys think?

Thank you for any kind help smile

seriouslywhat Fri 26-Feb-16 07:19:02

Yes he will be fine and no he won't be scarred. However I would take him. The flight is long but he will be fine (we flew to Australia when our oldest was about 7 months).

seriouslywhat Fri 26-Feb-16 07:21:25

Sorry to expand - I wouldn't be comfortable leaving a one year old for that long being so far away but I am probably too soft and have never been away without mine (save one night away here and there for work or a wedding). However I am sure plenty of people go on holiday without their children and the children are fine!

Horopu Fri 26-Feb-16 07:23:18

I left DS1 aged 3 and DS2 gaed 14 months with my parents for 10 days while I went to Alaska with my sister. Boys were fine, had a great time.

LucyMouse Fri 26-Feb-16 07:24:46

Am I following - you stuck at your relationship with baby's father for almost a year after baby was born, but baby is still not yet one year old? And you are about 22 years old?
I wouldn't leave the country without my baby. What if something was to happen? It would take too long to get back.

MrsJayy Fri 26-Feb-16 07:25:38

I would take him he would be fine being left but i wouodnt want to leave a child when im so far away

SavoyCabbage Fri 26-Feb-16 07:31:35

He'll be fine with his grandma but when I lived in Australia I found I couldn't leave my dd and go back to the uk for a visit without them. I thought I would be fine, but I just couldn't do it.

I've done the flight a few times by myself with my two and it's not a barrel of laughs but its ok.

Are you deciding if you want to go and be with him there?

ELFarion Fri 26-Feb-16 07:39:28

It had crossed my mind. His father here has no interest in him and I've heard the opportunities in AUS are incredible. It's a great place for children to grow. I'm a teacher so I know I could give back to AUS. Would take some time to decide though. Thank you for your help smile

Seriously: Thank you for you input, that makes me feel more comptable knowing it didn't disrupt your little one too much. That's the only reason I wouldn't take him.

Lucy: We spilt when son was about 7 months but I've only just managed to get him to move out of my house and stop sponging off me about 3 weeks ago. Yes smile

Thank you everyone

nephrofox Fri 26-Feb-16 07:55:50

I think things are moving far too quickly.

Calm down. You don't need to lunge from one relationship to the next. Again.

You've been living on your own for 3 weeks. Your baby needs a calm environment right now to adjust to that change, not to be dumped with grandma for a fortnight while you chase am old flame.

If he's only moved there a year ago then what kind of visa does he have? I would be VERY wary of a man who says he went to Australia because of something you did. There's a lot of blame and ducking of responsibilities going on.

LittleBearPad Fri 26-Feb-16 08:02:59

I agree with nephrofox.

Your relationship has just ended. Perhaps build an independent life for you and your son first. If this man is actually your 'soulmate' then there's time to sort it all out in the future rather than jumping into another relationship straight away.

MrsJayy Fri 26-Feb-16 08:09:58

I dont want to jump on the bandwagon but 1 man has just left your house and you are ready to jump on a plane to the next yes calm down

ELFarion Fri 26-Feb-16 08:24:06

Thank you for your concern but I didn't ask for relationship advice. I'm a lot smarter than what you're suggesting. I think it's perfectly reasonable for me to see whoever I want to see. Especially after leaving an abusive relationship and coming out of it strong and mentally stable. I am independent, I teach my son the right things. I own my own home outright, I process things logically and rationally, I'm kind and I teach my son how to be calm and considerate. I'm considering allowing myself this luxury. That's not to say I'd dive into a new relationship. I think it's healthy to wait at least a year before I think of anything like that not that's it's really anyone's business. But i do appreciate the concern very much. I'd say the same to anyone but don't worry I'm not diving into anything smile

ELFarion Fri 26-Feb-16 08:28:15

Also to nephrofox he didn't ever say he left because of me. But I'm sure that added to the reasons. He's a responsible man, I wouldn't ever make the mistake of being someone who isn't again. He is a very good man.

Elllicam Fri 26-Feb-16 08:33:44

Honestly, in general I would say go for it but if your ex has only moved out 3 weeks ago do you not think it might be a bit worrying for your DS if you suddenly weren't there either? I would leave it a while.

MrsJayy Fri 26-Feb-16 08:39:00

Fair enough i just think we were concerned smile.

bibbitybobbityyhat Fri 26-Feb-16 08:40:47

Why doesn't your soul mate come to visit you in England as he doesn't have the complication of children to consider? You are obviously very well off so could pay for his ticket.

annandale Fri 26-Feb-16 08:48:09

If I were visiting an old boyfriend with a view to a possible future it would make more sense to come with the baby. I think the message to him going without is that the baby is not really part of the package.

ELFarion Fri 26-Feb-16 09:06:37

Elllicam: Sorry for the confusion I wasn't planning on going yet. I was thinking more beginning of next year! Sorry that's my fault for not specifying that smile

MrsJayy: Yes thank you I really approcaite the advice it was definitely God advice.

Bibbity: I wish I was well off! We had taken about him coming here which he is fine with if it's for the best but there are complications whilst he's fighting for his visa and I was hoping for a bit of sun and a holiday myself as long as it didn't hurt my little one smile

Annandale: I understand your concern smile I'm not really seeing it that way. Like a test drive or something smile Right now the idea was to have a nice holiday in the sun with someone special to me. I'd come back home with my son and wait a few years before anything happened which would give plenty of time for my son to be introduced. I wouldn't want to introduce Arion too early for his sake. And the man in question is more than aware that there's a package deal if things were to go that way smile

ELFarion Fri 26-Feb-16 09:07:36

Sorry for all the typos girls, apparently my phone isn't awake yet! I really should check before sending though! Sorry smile

bibbitybobbityyhat Fri 26-Feb-16 09:11:10

You are well off if you own your own house outright in your early 20s! Trust me.

Whatthefreakinwhatnow Fri 26-Feb-16 09:14:00

If he really is your 'soul mate', then surely he will come to you and not put you in the position of either having tp drag your son to the other side of the world, or be without you for 10 days whilst he is so young?!
It's pretty selfish of him if you ask me.

ELFarion Fri 26-Feb-16 09:22:49

Bibbity: You're right! I'm just being greedy. But I'm not able to buy the tickets for him. That's a well off I can't afford :P

Whatthefreak: In my above comment I explained that he is more than happy to come to me smile

mouldycheesefan Fri 26-Feb-16 09:26:42

Your partner only moved put three weeks ago. Now you are planning a holiday and maybe emigration with a view to a relationship with a boyfriend you had when a teen. You need to calm down, slow down. You have made bad relationship decisions and sound like someone that can't cope with being in their own. Just be by yourself for a while without ne ding a boyfriend in the scene.

Whatthefreakinwhatnow Fri 26-Feb-16 09:32:54

Well there you go then, dilemma solved! He comes here, you get to see him without having to leave your baby, it's win win!

ELFarion Fri 26-Feb-16 09:33:52

Mouldycheese: Thank you for your concern but you're way off. You should read all the comments and everything I've said as I've already cleared up the misunderstanding we're having right now smile
I'm very happy being on my own right now. I'm doing well and am enjoying it and I feel very healthy but again thank you for your concern. Hopefully when/if you read through everything you'll understand better where I'm coming from and my intentions smile

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