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Overly affectionate 6yo advice please!

(10 Posts)
Whoamireally Wed 24-Feb-16 09:28:49

I have been called into school today to discuss my 6yr old dd's behaviour. She's always been an extremely affectionate child but is having trouble switching it off at school, hugging her friends (sometimes very tightly!) and understandably, they don't like it much.

I have had sooooo many conversations with her about it, how she needs to save the hugs for mummy and daddy, explaining to her that her friends don't like it and she can hug them gently once in the morning and once at home time but that is all, pointing out to her their negative body language, but I just can't get through to her.

Any suggestions, or advice please?

Whoamireally Wed 24-Feb-16 09:32:40

Just to add there have been no other concerns about her behaviour before and her school grades are good so it's just this one thing.

lauraann137 Thu 25-Feb-16 03:07:15

Well that's a new one, school phone for child being too nice lol, she sounds like a lovely warm hearted kind natured girl and I'm sure it's nothing to worry about my daughter is similar with my fiance constantly hugging him and giving 10 kisses on the cheek before bed and HAS to sit next to him at all times lol. Just continue with what your doing and remind her that some people don't like being hugged that much but she can hug mommy and daddy however much she wants. Good luck x

BeStrongAndCourageous Thu 25-Feb-16 09:25:31

I think it's really important that we teach our kids about consent from an early age. I'm always reminding my daughter that she must always ask if it's OK to hug or kiss someone before she does it, and not to get upset with them if they say no. We also tell her she must always say no if anyone tries to touch her and she doesn't want them to, and make sure we respect her wishes in this ourselves.

So I think you just need to keep giving her that message, really, and make sure you demonstrate it at home too.

Whoamireally Fri 26-Feb-16 13:09:38

Thanks ladies. Teacher basically said she hugs too hard wink and upset a classmate the other day. I have asked her to think of people being in a bubble which she mustn't pop. And said she can hug and kiss me all she likes but to save it for her family. It's tricky because she sees the same girl that she hugged, hugging other people, but just not wanting it from her confused Anyhow, just trying to take a day at a time!

SnozzberryWibble Sat 05-Mar-16 14:07:49

Aww sad It's sad isn't it! My nearly 2 year old loves hugging other toddlers and they hate it, usually start crying. He doesn't understand why they don't react well. I feel so bad telling him not to as I love his affectionate nature. sad

CuppaTeaAndAJammieDodger Sat 05-Mar-16 14:11:44

My 7yo DD is exactly the same. I'm not sure how to put a stop to it as I've spoken to her but it first seem to be getting through to her. So reading with interest.

CuppaTeaAndAJammieDodger Sat 05-Mar-16 14:12:23

It DOESN'T seem to be getting through to her even (bloody iPhone)

Jesabel Sat 05-Mar-16 14:14:15

I'm not sure it's helpful to think of forcing unwanted physical contact (especially when it might be frightening or painful) on other people as 'affectionate' or 'being nice'. I'm sure there isn't malicious intent, but it is still negative/unwanted behaviour.

she can hug them gently once in the morning and once at home time but that is all
This isn't really a helpful rule - she needs to understand that she cannot hug or kiss anyone with their consent. And equally - no one can hug/kiss/tickle her without her consent. That also means respecting her saying no and not enforcing kisses for relatives etc.

lazyleo Mon 07-Mar-16 13:28:12

I'd much rather be called in to discuss the fact my daughter is giving cuddles than for hair pulling, bag hiding, or name calling. Congrats on raising such an affectionate wee girl :D
I wouldn't stress it OP, just keep doing as you are doing and emphasise that not everyone likes it. She may not be old enough to comprehend why anyone wouldn't like that, but she is old enough to start knowing that she needs to follow the rules. In cases like this this is when I think my mum's attitude of 'because I say so' in response to the inevitiable question 'why mummy?' is the best. Sometimes there just isn't an easy explanation to give kids.
Our school has a 'hands off' rule which means no hands on anyone at all, no hugs, no pushing. No nothing, its a bit of a shame but poss the best all round solution especially as there are a few kids with sensory issues as well for whom it can get overwhelming quite easily I believe.

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