Any one worried about having a really manic child and an exceptionally quite one.

[HMmummy]

Just wondered what effect it will have later on. i know of 8 families where there was a really naughty mischeivious loud very strong willed child and the other one was so shy reserved etc. Does anyone know of a new strategy for Making one less and making the other more....

[HMmummy]

PS. My friends are now late 20's and are still very awkward, shy and reserved etc...

[kittyinwaiting]

Hmummy, I have 5 children at the mo ranging from 8 to just turned one, a mixture of boys and girls. They are all very different temperaments. None shy, but some willing to please and some naughty, some more in your face and others quieter.

What I have learnt is that they are what they are . I try my best to make sure that they don't get labels and then play up to them. I also try and ensure that the quieter ones aren't overshadowed by the noisier ones.
The trick is to let the child know that you recognise their special qualities and talents, that are seperate from their siblings, so no matter what their personality, they feel cherished. That's the idea anyway. you'll have to ask them all in 20 years wether the plan worked

[KezzaG]

I was just about to write something similar about labels Kitty. I was always the shy, senstivie, quiet one, and it seemed to me that it was always reiterated at ever opportunity. I am trying my absolute best never to label my ds with anything as I really think it has an impact.

I am not shy any more but it took a lot of hard work to overcome it and blighted my childhood to a certain degree. I cant say whether I would have been different had I not been pigeon holed so early,. but Im sure it didnt help. I would definately agree with recignising all talents, even the quieter ones.

[harktheheraldfoxessing]

I agree about the labels too. Our mother labelled us and put us into boxes from a very early age and I think it was quite damnaging in terms of constraining our ability to develop as teenagers.

I have a shy one and a socially confident one and I make sure I encourgage both, but give extra encouragement to the shy one - have also spoken with his teachers regularly on ideas to boost his confidence in class regarding putting his hand up to talk etc.

[HMmummy]

i must admit i did not think i was giving labels i thought i was trying to say a small story.
If one is so loud how do you give the other one quite a lot of attention. Every time i try he distroys or gets so angry that the attention is not on him. He has been like this for ages and i have a really small age gap between them so he is not even use to having my give him the attention only maybe when everyone comes round but i think that everyone naturally goes over to him because they are trying to make him less hyper or noisey. When ever i take him out people close by always comment on his loudness. SO am just trying to think of another way to deal with it.

[poinsettydog]

Hmm. I don't know if you can change them at all. I don;t know. I would just enjoy their differences. I would like my kids to be very confident and loud and gobby. mmm. But I wouldn't really. I don;t mean anything at all about your loud one.

I just think make the most of what each one is. I don;t think there is a preferable way to be.

[kittyinwaiting]

HMummy, if you are uncomfortable with his loudness I would suggest changing your response. It will not happen over night, it sounds like he has got used to behaving in a certain way and getting certain responses.
Children like to get attention, they like to be noticed.
If I were in your situation and he was getting loud and boisterous I would respond by quietening my voice, that nearly always has an immediate effect.
I would say that I wanted him to calm down and if he didn't respond to that I would say that I wasn't going to talk to him until he had. I would also make a point of 'catching' him behaving quietly and then really praising him for it.
You haven't said how old your children are, but children as young as 2 are capeable of understanding that they have to share and that includes mummy time.
When mine try and take my attention away from a sib I explain that it is, say child A's turn, they are interupting and it is not nice. When child A has finished then they can have their turn.
I think you need to believe that you are in charge of the situation, not your ds and he needs to know it too. Good luck

[HMmummy]

I and my mum have been trying to quiet him down in the ways you have suggested and many more since he was born. But he is just really loud and manic.

I remember the second he was born the mid wife said that had a pair of lungs on him and that i would probably find that he will be very loud child. I ask how she could know that and she explained that she had delivered lots and parents often come back to hospitals later to have their next ones and they remind her of how loud she has said they were. My story is that from birth when ever he cried everyone said blimey you can not ignore that cry can you its so loud. The because he was a late talker he learnt first how to scream for things etc and again many people and some professionals said he was loud. But with that came this manicness too. Dont et me wrong he has abilities that people can not believe he has which are fantastic but its the loud and manic crazy stuff that is hard to deal with. Especially as the next one was only 15 months behind..

[kittyinwaiting]

HMummy. I think he needs to respect that he has to control aspects of his nature. That's life isn't it? Your younger one deserves to have some space and he must accept that.
He seems like just a boisterous child, but I also think he has learnt to manipulate the situation to his advantage.
I know a woman who is very ott, loud etc. She ALWAYS quantifies her behaviour be shrieking things like " oh , I'm mad me, aren't I?" So I guess everyone is supposed to cut her masses of slack and say oh that's just her, she's mad?
It's like something from the Catherine Tate show!!
I know i'm not saying anything that's not plainly obvious to you though !!!!
What I would do is make sure dc2 got some me time without dc1 being there and if dc1 tried to muscle in and spoil things then there would be a punnishment, but only you can decide on that one.