Playing with matches - help

[eemie]

I've always thought dd's behaviour is too good to be true - well she's finally slipped.

Tidying her room I found a heap of spent matches and a burnt-out candle in the cubby-hole cupboard (a dead-space under the attic stairs that we don't use). She confessed to playing in there with the little girl next door, who is only 6 (dd is just 8).

Worse still, LGND was only here because we were looking after her while her little brother was in hospital.

Felt sick at though of what could have happened. She didn't allow LGND to touch any matches, apparently, because 'you're too young'. We have allowed dd to light candles under supervision and always been v. strict about safety.

So I've told her why I was upset & worried for their safety. I said no sweets for a week, no pocket money for a month, and you go next door and explain that it was naughty and you're in big trouble for it.

Is this reasonable and how do others deal with it? DH expresses no view but leaves it to me.

Aaaargh!

[CantWaitForTheSnow]

Whilst I understand it would be a shock to discover about this unexpectedly, tbh I do think you are over reacting. She obviously has some understanding about fire safety, and has been allowed to light candles before. I think a telling off and explanation would have sufficed, particularly as you say her behaviour is normally so good.

I know the results could have been horrendous, but at that age she probably has no concept of flamability of objects or the potential damage.

I remember being expected to build, light and look after the house fire when I was that age and younger. We were also allowed to build bonfires and cook on camp stoves and fires from a very young age, so perhaps my judgement is clouded by that.

[eemie]

Can'twait, we were too, and there were real candles on our Christmas tree (!) when we were kids. But I try to be more protective of dd than my parents were of us.

Must say I'm a lot calmer now she's told me in detail what they did. She also looked for a torch first and only thought of candles when she couldn't find one.

Maybe I'll give her a partial reprieve...

[CantWaitForTheSnow]

Maybe thats the deal then - no matches in the house EVER AGAIN, and she gets a torch to use instead. SOunds fair and gets the desired result.

[colditz]

Massive over reaction. She's 8, not 18. In 3 weeks time, she will barely remember what she did wrong to warrent no pocket money, and she will resent you.

besides, if she is 8 years old, she knows to be careful, yes? and she was being careful.

[eemie]

Agree with you colditz. Since talking it through with her I have reprieved her. She just needs to explain to LGND, who looks up to her and copies her, why it was dangerous and she shouldn't have done it. By coincidence, Santa brought her a torch and we always have plenty of batteries.

I worked in a burns unit for a while...and my Mum's cousin died at 8 when her nightie caught fire...which is probably why I found it so hard to deal with at first.

[sleepysooz]

I don't think you are over-reacting, I think you are being sensible by worrying. At least you realise the dangers at what might have happened!

Sorry, I hope I don't make anybody angry, I'm by far a goody goody mum, but matches are not needed in the home, I know children have to learn but whats more important, I'd rather prioritise the dangers of matches and just not have them in the house, we have a camping lighter that locks and is actually locked away aswell!

Don't take chances, your dc's lifes are too precious!

Just my point of view!

[sleepysooz]

Cantwaitforthesnow - I remember making coal fires when I was 6 years old, we all had housework duties (5 of us) but when children start to 'play' with matches, I'm affraid you don't get many chances before a serious accident happens!

I can't wait for the snow either {{{excited}}}