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Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

Behaviour/development

DS 4yo anxious at school

10 replies

WaccaWacca · 09/02/2016 19:55

Just had parents' evening and I'm worried about DS, who is in reception.

He has made a special friend (who is also find of DS - it is reciprocal) and they get on like a house on fire. However DS seems overly dependent on him and it's starting to concern his teacher.

Seems to go beyond just wanting to play with him, DS gets anxious when his friend nips to the loo, or if he's not standing with him in lunch queue etc. and even when he is in his focus group doing work, DS is looking for his friend. He is distracted unless together and can end up in panicky tears about it.

It feels to me like is a separation anxiety thing, he is DS's 'person' or reassurance at school when me or DH aren't around.

He gets on well with other children and plays with them ok in other scenarios (at park, party, or play date with family/friends etc).

The teacher has no concerns about anything else. Says he's a lovely, polite little boy who joins in and picks stuff up quickly. His reading etc is coming along fine. But his anxiety is worrying her and she wants the LSA to assess him.

Should I be worried? Or does this sound like normal settling in stuff? DH likened it to children having comfort items (blankets, teddies etc) which DS doesn't have, he has comfort people. Anyone have any experience with this or ideas how to help him deal with his anxiety?

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WaccaWacca · 09/02/2016 19:59

Should add that he isn't anxious about going to school at all at home, seems to like it as long as he can be with his friend.

And at weekends, the friend rarely gets a mention, he seems happy with DH and me and any other friends or family we are seeing. Which leads me to think it is about reassurance.

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WaccaWacca · 09/02/2016 20:37

Bump

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WaccaWacca · 09/02/2016 21:35

I guess what I'm worried about is that his teacher might think that it's a symptom of something else - perhaps ASD or something. She hasn't said this but the LSA referral made me think. I don't think he has any other symptoms, but then I'm no expert.

I might be talking to myself here. Think I'm going a bit crazy!

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WaccaWacca · 10/02/2016 06:48

Bump for morning people

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WaccaWacca · 10/02/2016 08:09

Last try!

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OzzieFem · 10/02/2016 09:55

Sorry WaccaWacca I don't have anything to offer you as not familar with the UK referral system. Personally I don't think your son has a problem other than being too young for school.

The UK system of sending children to school in the year they turn 5 is ridiculous and is probably responsible for a lot of problems in later years. As many have already stated in mumsnet the EU countries which have a starting age of 6, are the most successful.

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WaccaWacca · 10/02/2016 10:33

Thank you. That's exactly what my DH said. He's too little to be in such a formal setting and is getting anxious about it/being away from us I guess the only thing is whether his scale of anxiety is cause for concern.

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dairymilkmonster · 10/02/2016 16:06

Hi Waccawacca!
Not sure I have that many words of wisdom...my ds1 is in reception too and is very anxious. He is quite dependent upon the teachers to provide a lot of reassurance. They have mentioned this and we saw the GP and health visitor , they did some developmental tests and loads of questionnaires. Showed basically what I thought - ds1 is emotionally young for his age (he does act out like a 2-3 yr old frequently) but otherwise normal. He does def get separation anxiety still. They recommended a wait and see approach. School is helping him by encouraging him in various ways. We are super lucky there are only 15 kids in the class currently, so the pressure on the teacher and teaching assistant is a bit less. I would speak to your health visitor but I expect there is nothing wrong with your ds except for being little still! Lots of love, positive praise and similar seems really helpful here.

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longestlurkerever · 10/02/2016 16:11

My Dd1 is in reception too and does seem anxious. For us this has manifested in toileting issues but she still wants me to take her teddy to pick up each day and gets very cross if I don't. I am surprised at the assessment referral if this is the only symptom but am no expert.

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WaccaWacca · 10/02/2016 17:18

Thanks for replying. Sorry your dc are struggling too. I had a word with his teacher at pick up today. He came out beaming, in a bundle with a few pals and promptly ran off with them to look at something in the playground. His best friend is off sick at the moment, and he seems to be coping. She said he had a much better day and seemed calmer. She also apologised for worrying me. I asked if she had any other concerns at all and she said no, he's a "normal, happy boy". Not sure about her choice of words, bit unprofessional,but reassuring none the less. We agreed that it probably is separation anxiety and we should monitor it. But I feel a bit better, as he's clearly had a blast today without his bff. I asked him if he'd been upset today and he said only when he couldn't find his water bottle, which is totally unrelated to the friend stuff.