5 year old bullying in school

[gonerogue]

I'm looking for some advice and tips if possible.

My 5 year old DD has been acting up in school, and been saying hurtful things to some of her classmates. She said "I like it when A isn't in school" when teacher called the roll today. She has also been telling kids they can't come to her party if they don't have the same stuff as her in their lunchbox/do what she says etc.

She is very bossy - at home with DS 4 and with her friends. Her teacher has said that she runs all the games and is the leader, again with conditions set on other's participation.

She can be mean spirited and I have spoken to her about this. I'm trying to teach her empathy - asking how she would feel if others were hurtful to her. She has been sent to her room this afternoon and has had TV taken from her for the next 3 days.

She does dance and gymnastics as well. No problems in dance, gymnastics teachers have asked me to have a word about not always being first in line for activities.

My question is how do I stop her turning into a bully? Any advice would be great.

[Neverpolishghillies]

Get her to do the explaining about how other people may feel, ask her questions, and let her do the brain work in working answers.

She may well be naturally competitive, don't kill that find outlets for it.

[gonerogue]

Thanks Neverpolishghillies - I don't want her to change her personality. She does gym, dance, ladybirds and speech and drama.
I think I'm hoping she grows out of it,
I'll try getting her to explain how it feels.

[EssexMummy1234]

I think you make it clear, that you expect her to be kind and helpful and play nicely with her friends - reinforce this a lot and praise and reward her for remembering to do it.

You can also buy story books to read at bedtime to reinforce this - Golden Rules Series

[EssexMummy1234]

Oh and in my experience there's a heck of a lot of waiting around in gymnastics, not good when your five! - so we've ditched that and are waiting for a space in Rainbow Guides which is a lot cheaper!

[gonerogue]

Thanks EssexMummy

We do tell her what we expect - my mantra is to think about how what you say will make people feel and if it would make them sad then you need to not say it.

Ladybirds is the girl guides - just the 5-7 year old section.
I'm hoping that might help her develop her empathy more.

[OzzieFem]

Perhaps put her in an activity where there are older children who will not let her push them around?

[tomatodizzy]

Is ladybirds like rainbows? Have you had a chat with the leader about the issues the teacher has flagged up. They do a lot of activities about empathy and sharing. She might have some ideas for you at home as well.