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Tantrums aged 8

(3 Posts)
sillyflag Sat 30-Jan-16 20:22:50

My 8 year old DD has totally lost it the past few weeks. The last week, we've had hours of tantruming every evening. Over onions in dinner, losing a game, or just nothing. "I feel sad!" She bawls and bawls, and nothing I can do can comfort her for up to 3 hours. I try sympathy, I try cuddles(pushed away), I try distraction (works to a point). Then, she goes back to bawling. Loud crying, but more shouting than crying, and I feel the more she works herself up the worse it gets.

I don't remember much about the 'terrible twos'- I certainly don't remember too many tantrums.

As a kid, my parents ignored me at the slightest sign of emotion, so much I struggle as an adult. I am really struggling here, I know I need to teach her to handle her emotions, but don't know how- there is so much of it, for hours, and it's so loud, and she doesn't respond to any tricks I can think of to help!

Any advice for tantrums in older kids? TIA

MrsBigD Sun 31-Jan-16 01:43:04

Hi Sillyflag, My upbringing re emotions sounds similar as well, so feel for you!Had similar issues with ds, though I think with 8 year old boys it's also first lot of testestorone kicking in. He would fly off the handle at nothing and had non existing frustration levels. I was at a loss as well and took him to a child developmental psych... who suggested team activities etc., which were a complete fail. DS is an introvert if ever I've seen one... but I digress blush

Has anything changed in your DD's routine? e.g. new teacher, friends moving away, kids being mean etc. Might also be a case of being too intelligent for her age? DS fall under the category mentally highschooler, emotionally not so much...

What helped with my DS was that I acknowledged his feelings, in his case anger and frustration, with 'it's ok to feel angry but xyz behaviour is not acceptable, abc would be better', and giving him coping mechanism, even if it's punching the feathers out of his pillow for 5 minutes (still better than kicking the door!). It was a slow, painful, frustrating process but we're getting there (he's 11 now).

Hope any of this helps. Just keep trying and repeat after me... it's only a phase [hug]

sillyflag Mon 01-Feb-16 21:14:46

We are expecting, so I realise that's a factor.

Thank you, it is helpful to know it's not just me. I just remember learning to hold my emotions in, and then sob into my pillow quietly, so as not to anger anyone. Or, get sent my room to do that if I tried expressing them in any other way.

And I still do it now, but it's not at all helpful, as I have 2 settings- keep it all in, and cry later like the world's ending, or outburst and feel mortified. (And cry later like the world's ending). I don't want her to be like me. sad

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