8 yr old who is never satisfied.....normal?

(8 Posts)
NomdePlumage Thu 28-Jan-16 21:02:30

So my 8 yr old is a lovely girl who does have some anxiety issues which means she can get an idea in her head and ask endless questions or become very demanding.

She is so different to my younger child. You can buy a present for her and she is so delighted with it. She rarely asks me for anything and is always excited by what she gets.

My 8 year old will ask for something like Shopkins. She will go on and on about it. She will get some for Christmas then very quickly lose interest and be asking about something else she has seen at school. She will ask for presents and I always worry it won't be exactly what she wants and she will be disappointed. It was recently her birthday and for weeks before she nagged me about various things she wanted. I did get them and she did seem pleased with them but I fear it won't be long before she loses interest. Also she will say she wants a pet one day and go on and on (I'm standing firm on this one at the moment)....then a few days she'll be asking about getting her ears pierced and go on about that for a while (again she's lost interest). After Christmas she was saying everyone in her class got an ipad or a phone except her ( I suspect that's an exaggeration). It's like there's always something she wants but even if you got it for her she would never be satisfied. There's always something she wants right now (to be on TV), to go to a particular shop... and yet she doesn't notice how lucky she is and how much she has (I know children don't). I don't have much money at the moment but of course she doesn't understand and "wishes we were rich".

Someone I know who is a counsellor has a theory that because she finds emotions difficult, she tends to focus on things instead. I think that maybe true.

Or perhaps lots of children are like this.... I don't know. I'm not materialist at all and wonder where I've gone wrong. maybe by trying to give her so much. To use things to prove I love her...

runningLou Fri 29-Jan-16 12:42:20

I don't have any advice really but watching with interest for responses as I also have similar issues with my 8 year old DD. Very demanding, constantly disappointed, ungrateful attitude towards gifts etc. She isn't too bad with things that we give her as I can pick up her hints, but with the rest of the family when she gets something she's not keen on, she can be vile. It all becomes a kind of victimhood though - it's not fair, no one understands me etc.
Part of a general attitude to life that no one understands or cares. I am really struggling at the moment as she constantly accuses me of hating her, or tells me I 'shouldn't' care about her. Am thinking self-esteem issues but uncertain how to address this??

NomdePlumage Fri 29-Jan-16 20:06:01

Thanks for replying. Yes I too suspect a self esteem problem with my DD. I do try to reassure her that I love her, am not treating her sister differently but it's become a slightly self-fulfilling prophecy as she is so challenging and her sister so easy.

I think I need to ignore lots of the irritating things she does and says and try to just focus on positives but she is constantly seeking attention in one form or another even though I feel I give her plenty. We've probably got into a vicious circle of relating to each other.

Kiwiinkits Sun 31-Jan-16 08:16:11

Does she have any opportunities to earn her own money? By doing jobs or chores? How much responsibility are you giving her at home?

citychick Sun 31-Jan-16 10:38:23

hello.
sounds to me a mix of peer pressure, low self esteem and maybe seeing how far she can push you in so far as buying her things she says she needs but knows deep down she doesnt really need.

tricky one this. i have a 9yr old ds who pushes me to buy stuff he knows he can well live without.
i know he has fairly low self esteem.
we buy very few material things, but lots of experiences, free, cheap and the odd pricey one and lots of praise for jobs well done.

we have enrolled him in a mindfulness class for 10 weeks to see uf we can help him too

good luck. xxx

Youarentkiddingme Sun 31-Jan-16 15:17:12

There could be something in the emotions and materialistic theory.

My DS has ASD and struggles massively with emotion. He is a set collector etc. So if he gets an item of Lego he'll be hankering after the complete set.
Then will be back to the iPad again as his main interest.

I empathise as it feels like you can't do enough and I sometimes feel DS is being a right spoilt brat even though he isn't, wasn't raised that way and doesn't get stuff because he wants it and gets it at Xmas and birthdays.

RaisedByWolves Sun 31-Jan-16 20:06:01

Reading with interest although have no advice.
This sounds very similar to my 7yo DD. At Christmas she had a whole list of stuff she wanted and got the key presents. She tore them open in a frenzy and then dumped them within hours never to play with them again. Instead she kept following her 3 yo brother moaning about how she wanted to play with the one toy he asked for and was happy to play with for hours at a time! She moaned how it was really unfair that he wasn't sharing his toy. I did say what is your favourite toy and she couldn't answer, which worries me still! Additionally she is prone to awful temper tantrums and gas problems with following instructions....

NomdePlumage Sun 31-Jan-16 21:00:13

Thank you for the replies. Kiwinkiits you could have a point there as I have never given her a lot of responsibility. Ex does ask a lot more of her in that way.
She was always quite demand avoidant anyway and it is very difficult to get her to do anything still. ( Youngest Dc will tidy/help around house but DD refuses, procrastinates or complains).
I do realise that because of her anxiety and emotional sensitivity, I probably over-compensated and babied her somewhat when she was younger to try to keep her on an even keel ( I found her emotions very difficult to cope with) but I was living in a very toxic relationship and probably put all my energy and efforts into her whilst she was expressing her emotions by being excessively demanding. By trying to reassure her/ try to ameliorate her/please her, I think I was creating a vicious circle.

So I am left with these issues where when anxious she becomes demanding.... this gets her a lot of attention which reassures her that she is loved.

I've noticed she always wants to give things to people too. She always wants to buy gifts/ friendship necklaces, wrap up coins for friends in school as if this is the way to ensure friendship (by buying it).

I am guessing I need to work on raising self esteem and hopefully she'll realise she doesn't have to buy love/friendship and that she is loved without me having to prove it.

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