Losing my temper with my 2yo 😳(20 Posts)
My 24mo son and I do battle over the same 3 things everyday and I don't know what's going on.
The battles are over getting dressed, nappy changes and leaving the house (coat, shoes, getting in the buggy).
I say it's time to get dressed, or it's time for a nappy change, or let's go to the park etc and I'm met with defiance and end up chasing him round the house trying to get him dressed/change his nappy/get him ready to go out. He's fine with eating and bed time etc it's specifically these 3 activities he gets upset over.
I've tried positive persuasion, selling the idea that a clean nappy means no sore bottom etc, I've tried bribery, I've wrestled him into his clothes/buggy, at which point I feel like a bully. I lose my temper and have a tantrum of my own on occasions, which makes me feel terrible afterwards and probably just makes him fearful which I absolutely don't want, but I'm resorting to what my mum did with me when she was out of patience!
So, long and short of it, how do you persuade a 2yo to go along with what you need them to do? And/or how do you keep calm when they really push your buttons?
Can you, for want of a better word, trick him into doing these things? I remember my mum saying she used to have a similar problem with me and she used to not say 'let's go to the park' or 'let's change your nappy' but rather 'let's put our shoes on', 'let's see who's quickest in getting our coat on' or 'let's see who can lie down the quickest' (for changing a nappy).
Maybe doing things in little steps and making it a game will mean he doesn't realise what the task actually is?
But OP. My 9 month old is just starting to realise he can wriggle off when having his nappy changed and unfortunate he's too young for the above idea!
Sorry no advice buf watching as I'm in the same situation. Worst for me is trying to keep my cool at nursery when dd refuses to get her coat, shoes etc. on to go home. It's exhausting!
I try being positive and smiley and turn things into a game but it's tough.
I have also 3 years and 5 years old babies. Whenever i face these kind of situations, I bet them who ready first and sometimes i tell them when you get ready then i'll do that thing (which they insist) for you. Surprisingly these things work in my case.
Do you give a time scale? For example, 'we're going to do your nappy in 2 mins'. It doesn't matter that he won't understand the concept, it's just giving a warning that you want to do something. Also, say things like shall we put your shoes on your feet or your ears? If you can get kids Laughing with you they tend to be more cooperative.
I went about it the tough way last week: carried DS down the stairs naked, put my coat on, my shoes on, grabbed my keys and said "Let's go." Suddenly their was a very quiet "Trousers on..." and he got dressed with no further fuss...
DS was very defiant at that age. DD (now 2) a fair but but nothing like DS was.
My sympathies, it really is exhausting!
At the moment if DD doesn't want to get dressed I put the telly on and get her dressed in front of that as she's so distracted she doesn't mind about being dressed. I know that sounds like terrible parenting, but hey, it works and we get out of the house without anyone shouting.
If you have the time, we sometimes just give up and get on with things we need to do, stopping all attention for him. 9 times out of 10 he cracks and comes to find us within two minutes, ready to be compliant.
Going through the same with my dd. I repeatedly ask, leave her for a bit, then give her a final warning (no threats obviously). It doesn't often work!!! It's exhausting so just wanted to empathise. I'm on zero sleep with a newborn so find im getting cross more than I used to. Xx
I feel your pain, have had similar issues with DS1. We changed from nappies to pull-ups when nappy changes became a nightmare and this helped a lot because it was the lying down which he hated, so it was only a fight if he had pooed. Don't know if this would help, but might be worth a try.
Re getting dressed - I let him know we are going out and set an alarm on my phone and say when it buzzes it is time to get dressed and leave. I then get ready and have buggy/bags etc in the hallway, my coat and shoes on etc and his clothes to hand. Then when the alarm goes I say it is time to go and get him to come to the hallway and make sure all doors etc are closed. Then I say we are leaving, time to get dressed. Doesn't always prevent a tantrum, but the limited space and lack of toys seems to help.
Hope it gets easier for you soon x
Ah thanks for all the tips, all very useful! And comforting to find it's not just me struggling!! I'm going to give the alarm on the phone a try as I don't really give him any warning - I hadn't thought of that before. And the humour angle is genius. It'll stop me getting uptight even if it doesn't work on him.. Changing to pull-up nappies has definitely gotta be worth a go as well.
I also have an 8 month old so i can sympathise with you guys who have younger ones as well. The lack of sleep has definitely made my fuse shorter.
You've all really helped and I'm going to try as many tips as you've suggested and see how he responds. Hopefully the battles will reduce ✌🏻️I feel more positive about tackling them now anyway!
I have a 27 month old and have the same problems.
Getting dressed.I've started a routine which I think does help as soon as we've both finished breakfast we go up to her room close the door and get her dressed. Before we used to be more relaxed and do it whenever.I always tell her as well after breakfast we're going upstairs to get dressed. Most of the time she goes upstairs with me to her room now. To get her get dressed if she doesn't come to do it I say I'm going to count to 3 if you don't come I'll come and get you this is the only thing that works sometimes. Nothing else does.
Nappy again I say I'm going to count to 3 if you've not come I'll have and lie you down this sometimes works, I've not found anything else that does.
She's started to be able to try to dress herself a bit so I try to think of choices like mummy do it or you and she likes dressing herself cod she's learning so that can work but again only if she really wants to anyway!
It's very hard I feel like we have many struggles now
I have struggled with her today on doing things she needs to do, mainly the above. She just won't listen!
Purpleme12 the getting dressed routine sounds like a good idea. As we get dressed whenever, and wherever, so I'll try that. I agree the counting to 3 trick doesn't work, I've tried that one, it has no effect. We fared better yesterday here, I tried homour trying to get him dressed and although it didn't persuade him to get dressed when I wanted him dressed it kept me calm and stopped frustration building.
Phone alarm technique today.. He's obsessed with my phone so this may work! Keep your head up, it's all temporary! That's what I keep telling myself..!
I think all Moms have great sacrifice to their kids in-term of time scheduling sleep and everything.
My DS was exactly the same. I stopped battling over coat and shoes - if they're going in the car/buggy I just take them with me and wait for them to ask for them. That cuts down on one battle. Nappy - we changed to standing up nappy changes around this time - it worked well and I'd try and get him to stand at the coffee table with a toy or something to keep him distracted and still.
As for clothes, I just used brute force and pinning. Yes I felt mean butte was making us late for work and it was getting ridiculous. He's now almost 4 and doesn't seem to be harmed by it! I think sometimes these days we're a bit afraid of being 'in charge' and actually this age group do well if they know where the limits are. I definitely fell foul of being too soft and being pursuasive between 18-24 months. Once I got tougher and definite the behaviour rapidly improved anyway.
If you've got time OP have a look on Amazon at books called Unconditional Parenting and Calm Parents Happy Kids.
Distract, distract, distract.
Say, "babies always wriggle when it's nappy change, but you're a big boy and I bet that you are the fastest. I bet that you can let me change your nappy before I can count to ten...". Then clap, wow, so fast, what a big boy etc.
Similar races for pray etc.
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