21-month mega-tantrums!

[carapace]

Hi all....my DS2 has just started throwing truly horrifying tantrums. Most days he's doing 5/6 of them. Yesterday and today have involved massive public fits of screaming and thrashing and kicking and hitting and lashing out at other kids. I had to get off the bus early today because this woman just kept shouting at me to do something to stop him. I've read all the advice about calmly ignoring it and holding them to feel safe, but I'm massively struggling to live like this! I'm quite terrified to go anywhere with him, and break out into a cold sweat at the usual trigger points (which are hard to avoid as they're tied to school run for older sibling). I walked home today just sobbing myself along with him, so we made a sad picture. Has anyone got any advice about how to minimise these tantrums, but also about how to cultivate the required calm mum zen type attitude? I'm starting to think that despite having planned my life to be able to work flexibly from home, I'm going to have to find an office job to get away from the hideous stress this is causing me! I've booked appointments with the GP and Health Visitor, as I want to rule out anything like ear problems that might be causing him physical discomfort.

[mom2daisypie]

I sympathise!
Our DD is 23 months and has been like this for about 6 weeks or so. She doesn't lash out at other children though, but her tantrums are (to my mind) extreme. We didn't have anything like this with our first daughter who is now nearly 4 and so calm most of the time.
The little one however has a real temper. It's been obvious since she was about 8 months old but now has kicked in full force. I'll be honest, I never smoked but have started vaping the 0% nicotine vape juices as I find the deep breathing it involves relaxes me thats how bad it gets some days! (I don't do it in front of my children though)

Every situation is an issue. Getting dressed, getting in the buggy, getting in the car seat, having a bath, going to bed...battle after battle so I know how drained you must feel. I do find sometimes that bribery is the only way to retain my sanity (things like a biscuit, favourite music in the car, peppa pig on the tablet that kind of thing) but it's not ideal. If she is kicking off in public and I've tried everything else I tend to whisper to her "do you want some chocolate?" and like a switch going off she does what I say - of course then I have to give her some chocolate! (so naughty I know but it's either that or top myself some days!)

I have started to worry that she has some behavioural problems that fall outside of the standard 2 year old 'terrible twos'" but the more I read other peoples experiences, I'm fairly confident that most are the same.

Your little boy sounds like he is trying to gain as much independence as possible. Try giving him lots of choice over things you don't mind him deciding. What clothes he wants to wear, what does he want for breakfast, what song shall you put on, what TV programme, give him a pretend shopping list to hold when you're food shopping so he thinks he's in control of something (this works well with my eldest), above all - just know that it WILL pass and one day you will be embarrassing him infant of friends and family talking about how he used to be as a toddler :) hard to imagine right now I know.

[DomesticGoddess31]

Absolutely no advice but having exactly the same problems with my 21 month old DS. He's always been challenging but he's really notched it up a level now. Putting it down to him learning to talk and praying it calms down soon while I still have a shred of sanity left. Stress levels are through the roof! I sympathise!

[eddiebearsmummy]

Thank you thank you thank you - I have three boys and the 3rd who is 26 months also has mega tantrums - ones that have forced me to change my work start time and stop me going out as well as cry in the bathroom. Thank you for sharing.

My middle child was bad, and the third - well - life changing. You are amazing to have even got of the bus after that woman said something - i think I would have just screamed at her!

I have been considering putting my 3rd into a Nursery where I don't know anyone!! I help with out local pre school (where my other two went) and have kept my little monster off today because we have had a bad night and a very bad morning before school and I didn't want to put them (adults or children) at the pre school through him tantruming (every time he has gone so far he has screamed for at least an hour).

So no advice here - but a big hug because I understand how hard this is and at the moment need some help seeing the light at the end of this too (and thats after seeing the other two through this phase!!)