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3 year old, preschool nursery issues!

(13 Posts)
Missykitty4 Wed 13-Jan-16 12:49:09

Hi all, I'm just after some advice or even reassurance.
My son turned 3 (a very young 3 compared to my daughter at the same age) in September then started preschool nursery mid November. He is a very lovable, energetic boy who loves company and playing with other kids. He attended playgroup 2 mornings a week from age 2 also. At nearly 3.5 he has very limited speech (currently having speech therapy) and people who don't know him well have real trouble understanding him, because if this he becomes frustrated very easily.
He has settled into nursery very well, absolutely loves it and in the short time he has been there he has come on so well. Dressing himself, brushing his own teeth, very little tantrums at home, taking turns better and his role play has come on leaps and bounds.
However, he has had some struggles also, he has started biting again sad (it's absolutely awful to hear your child has bitten another child and yes I have also been the mother of a bitten child but it's worse, honestly) not everyday and when it happens teachers have said it's purely through frustration and not done to intentionally hurt others. He doesn't bite at home.
The biting I know will go eventually as his speech improves as well as his independent problem solving. In the week since being back after Christmas it has only happened once so it slowly improving. He does seem to be a hit or a kiss when following instructions but I think he is just one of those kids that when have sent there mind to do some or not do it, that's it.
The main issue seems to be his refusal to take part in circle time, he just wants to play. The morning circle time he doesn't even try to do and the end of session one I know pick him up early so he doesn't have to try (on the nurserys request)
I feel like there is a huge issue being made out of something that isn't a big issue in the grand scheme of things. I went into nursery yesterday morning and he sat through the whole of group time with me, albeit he did need some encouragement but he did do it. Part of me wants to say to the nursery I no longer want to collect him early as he is almost being exluded from part of the nursery day. When he doesn't go to group,he isn't running about being noisy he usually sit quietly with the dinosaurs or the cars.
Sorry for the rant, but I need some suggestions or advice before asking the nursery for a meeting. Thanks

Julieb85 Wed 13-Jan-16 13:08:10

I agree I think it's a bit unfair. I mean learning to sit quietly when there are toy around as temptation is quite an ask for a 3 year old. I'm surprised that the other children manage this tbh. Maybe try some mild things as home - like please come and sit with mummy...time to out your tots away...I did this to prepare my son for doing things when he's asked and sitting quietly (as he's a very active child!). This would maybe help him with sitting through circle time at nursery. Alternatively can they look to do circle time away from the temptation of toys??

As for the biting I really wouldn't worry. It's almos always down to frustration and I've had as many injury reports from my son being bitten as I have him actually biting! The nursery will see this ALL the time. Just ensure they are reinforcing that it's wrong when it happens so he learns to associate it with what he just did. No use enforcing it when u pick him up as he almost def won't be able to out that together.

Missykitty4 Wed 13-Jan-16 13:24:03

Thanks for your reply.
I'm a childminder so we do circle time at home and he sits fine, I honestly think it's the distraction of all the toys being nearby. Unfortunately there is no separate quiet area for circle time and it is a big nursery (65 kids each session) I'm hoping one day he just does this.
Yeah the nursery are good at dealing with it and always reinforce gentle hands and kind mouths. We have a book about biting and on days it's happened we make sure we read the book that day and re read it before nursery. His key worker has said that as soon as he does it he knows he has done wrong and goes to hide, he is then very apologetic to the other child. Time out doesn't seem to work for him so instead of that they take him away to a quiet area so calm and relax before going back to play.

Naty1 Thu 14-Jan-16 20:53:13

Mine started sept and has only recently got a bit better at sitting for the story.
Is he off to school next yr?

EssexMummy1234 Thu 14-Jan-16 21:54:25

Oh, mine couldn't sit for circle time when she went into the nursery class, must have been 3? they gave her a special squashy toy to hold, like a rubber spider or something - eventually she was fine. So maybe try something like that? and if not I'd be questioning whether it's the best fit nursery.

MiniCooperLover Fri 15-Jan-16 09:26:40

Has he had a hearing test at all? My DS had a lot of the same issues and we've just found out he's got glue ear. Mine was also a biter and I agree it's hideous but it does pass I promise x

TheHouseOnTheLane Fri 15-Jan-16 09:41:42

How is his hearing? Also can he understand the requests which are being made of him?

Does he follow a story well when you read to him? Can he point at the right animals etc?

Jw35 Fri 15-Jan-16 09:49:25

I hate circle time! (Unhelpful)

TheHouseOnTheLane Fri 15-Jan-16 10:02:14

It's not great for all kids of this age for sure but it's basically preparation for year! They have to get used to sitting and listening.

Shit really. I think they should all be allowed to play till' they're 7 or 8!

Naty1 Fri 15-Jan-16 11:14:35

Interesting about the hearing. (Weve always had an issue with the sitting)
But dd has recently had 2 burst eardrums after an infection (high temps) that went on for about 6w. The drums didnt look infected to the gps.

Missykitty4 Fri 15-Jan-16 19:09:07

Thanks for all your replies. He doesn't start school until August 2017 (that's why i didn't think it was a big deal until they kept bringing it to my attention)
We did try the toys thing, IT WORKED! He watched me give it to his teacher and I said loud for him to hear that he could play with it if he went to group time. When I picked him up had done it smile then again today(he didn't even ask for the toy!) I'm very proud of him and I can see he is quite proud of himself too which is really lovely to see. So I left a small food bag with the teacher that has some of the little toys he likes in it to keep there for him.
He has had a hearing test 18months ago but I have said to the gp I think it would be good to check again and he agreed so we are awaiting an appointment for that now. He does have a good level of understanding and follows instructions IF HE WANTS TOO.he has a stubborn and fiery personality like my brother. He loves books and can sit happily for a good while, he even loves Roald Dahl chapter books (we are reading George's marvellous medicine at the moment)

My view is that he still feels a bit overwhelmed by the size of the nursery, don't get me wrong I know he loves it, he runs in laughing and doesn't want to leave but it's a big change I think that's not always taken into account. The poor communication is always going to be an issue until he gets to a level where others understand him more clearly. Hopefully that's us turned a corner and we participate most days.

Also NO BITING this week either, it's been a good bloody week for him! YAY!! X

Jw35 Mon 18-Jan-16 08:23:50

Try not to label him as stubborn and fiery yet. He's only 3 and sitting and listening isn't exactly usual with this age group! They seem to have daft rules for a nursery. Circle time is hard for 4 year olds!

martina130 Mon 17-Apr-17 10:26:22

Carrot. After bitting give child a carrot, sit him/her on the chair and nicely, kindly inform little bitter that they can bite carrot. Do it consistently, either straight after incident or as soon as you learn about it, possibly soon you come from nursery. Don't let child do anything else, like watch TV or book or anything they would enjoy while eating that massive carrot. That would be a treat for a bite. Idea is to inconvenience child after each incident. Don't run out of carrots, 3 incidents and 3 carrots should treat it.

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