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Daughter making herself sick to avoid PE when she has her period.

(17 Posts)
ItWillWash Tue 12-Jan-16 15:50:14

My middle daughter is making herself vomit.

I noticed she'd been sick a lot, so last month when she was sick I looked at her attendance record, she is sick Tuesdays and Wednesdays once a month.

She was sick again last night so is off today. I know she has her period this week.

She's always been very sensitive about growing up. She refused to wear a bra until well past the stage of needing one. She cried when she eventually admitted she needed one.

Her periods have been a minefield. No one must talk to her about them. She won't ask for san pro. I need to keep it stocked and hidden. On the one occasion I forgot she wrote me a note and then hid in her room until after I'd been to the shop. If I'm buying san pro, even for myself, she leaves the shop. She won't carry san pro in her bag, even when she's due on, we've binned a few pairs of pants because of this.

If you push her on any issue about growing up she locks herself in her room and/or cries.

I've tried talking to her about tampons. She wouldn't talk. I bought some anyway and left them in the bathroom drawer with her pads. They've been opened, she's used one, but I bought them about 3 months ago, so for whatever reason she's decided they are not for her.

I offered to write her a note to her PE teacher explaining that she is sensitive about her periods and asking if she can miss PE. She would not answer me or look at me. I wrote the note and left it in her tutor book, I assume she disposed of it on the way to school. It's no longer there and she's still sick today.

I'm at a loss of what to do. I can't just allow her 2 days off a month.

VagueIdeas Tue 12-Jan-16 15:53:34

Blimey, that is tough. I literally have no advice because that level of embarrassment and denial is quite extreme, I think. Has she always been prone to anxiety/low mood, would you say?

As for the tampons, I didn't start using them until I was 19. I just couldn't get on with them when I was a younger teen.

VagueIdeas Tue 12-Jan-16 15:55:12

I've not even addressed the making herself vomit thing. That's a worry too, that it could escalate into bulimia, since she seems to find it an "easy" thing to do?

fanjoforthemammaries7850 Tue 12-Jan-16 15:56:34

I used to get sick during my periods at that age. My mum wouldnt believe me and would drag me out and about....

AnotherEmma Tue 12-Jan-16 15:56:50

I agree with Vague, it's very extreme embarrassment and anxiety. In your position I would be worried about her mental health. Is she anxious about other bodily functions or just this one? Are there other aspects of being female that make her uncomfortable? Just wondering if it might be part of a pattern or bigger picture.

ItWillWash Tue 12-Jan-16 15:59:45

Yes, she finds it very easy to do. She has done since she was around 5 or 6. We've seen the GP about it a few times, who has said whilst it is worrying there's not much we can do because she is not loosing weight and her health is generally fine.

It's escalated since she was 6. When she was a tot it was something she did for attention/during a tantrum. I haven't been back to the GP since she's being doing it every month, but was there about a year ago about it. He just said to monitor her weight and keep an eye on her.

She's always been very anxious about her looks and body shape, but I would say other than that she's normally happy.

AnotherEmma Tue 12-Jan-16 16:00:05

Sorry I've just re-read your post and realised that she has a big issue with growing up in general.

Is she scared of puberty or adulthood? Could there be some gender confusion that makes becoming a woman very difficult for her?

I realise it's difficult as she is refusing to talk but in your position I would really want to get to the bottom of it.

TheMagicToyshop Tue 12-Jan-16 16:01:58

I did have a friend who was sick with period pain, and I used to have terrible pain and stomach upsets. Mefanamic acid helped although she'd have to talk to a doctor to get that I think.

It sounds like it could be wholly anxiety based though. She could grow out of that, but the vomiting is more worrying. Could you give her a note to get out of PE that is less embarrassing for her, refer to 'back pain' or something?

NewLife4Me Tue 12-Jan-16 16:02:10

OP, are you sure she is making herself sick?
My dd has dysmenorrhea and needs to sit in the sick bay with the nurse every month, she too has missed a lot of PE.

Please check as it can be awful for a child, bad enough for a grown woman.
Mine goes greenish first, then pale and starts sweating. The pain can be unbearable, sometimes as bad as labour and travel right down the leg.
Sometimes it's so bad they can faint.

If you aren't 100% sure she is doing herself I'd get her checked tbh.

AnotherEmma Tue 12-Jan-16 16:02:54

Cross post. Can you get a second opinion about the self-induced vomiting from another GP? Weight loss is not the only risk by any means. Her dental health and digestive system could be affected. Not to mention the fact that it's a worrying sign that all is not well with her mental and emotional health. I would be asking about a mental health referall.

TheMagicToyshop Tue 12-Jan-16 16:03:24

Ah sorry X post - sounds like it is a longer standing anxiety issue. Maybe counselling would be helpful?

ItWillWash Tue 12-Jan-16 16:09:25

She did mention pain last night and asked for some paracetamol, but it didn't seem to be in excruciating pain. She was playing with her older sister shortly after.

Today she's spent all day in bed but now her sisters are home she's up and behaving normally.

I had terrible period pain at her age. I'd be bed ridden with it, so did consider that, but she seems normal other than the vomiting.

We've seen a couple of GPs about her being sick, but it won't hurt to go again. Do I have to ask for counseling or would they refer her if they thought she needed it?

IsItMeOr Tue 12-Jan-16 16:12:46

Poor DD, sounds like she is really struggling.

And poor you, as it does sound like you've tried the basics and it's not doing the trick.

I can think of a couple of ideas that you might like to consider.

You could make a GP appointment by yourself to talk to them about it without her there and see what they suggest.

You could also try ringing Young Minds parent helpline as it does sound to me like you think she has some mental health issues which may be coming into play.

Good luck OP - definitely one of those scenarios which makes you wish that they came with an individualised operating manual...

IsItMeOr Tue 12-Jan-16 16:16:55

Cross-posted with your last one.

Maybe try Young Minds before going to the GP again, and ask them specifically about counselling and how to access it.

On the vomiting - I did have occasional vomiting with period pain as a teenager, and once I had been sick I felt fine (less so when it recurred in adulthood...!). Mefenamic acid has been great for me in adulthood, but I would never have asked my DMum about anything period related as a teen.

AnotherEmma Tue 12-Jan-16 16:16:59

"Do I have to ask for counseling or would they refer her if they thought she needed it?"

IME you have to be proactive with GPs and ask them for what you want. They can be good and suggest/offer things but many tend to minimise and fob you off. I think they're under a lot of pressure NOT to refer but if you can ask and they can't refer, they can still signpost other services and organisations that could help.

The Young Minds parent helpline sounds like a good idea.

IsItMeOr Tue 12-Jan-16 16:20:28

I share AnotherEmma's suspicion that you would need to be proactive to get a referral. There is also likely to be a waiting list.

ItWillWash Tue 12-Jan-16 16:24:40

I'll phone that helpline tomorrow, they're all milling about the house atm and I don't want to be caught out and embarrass her further. Thank you for the link. I didn't know organisations like that existed.

I'll see what they can suggest and try the GP after if we still don't see any improvement.

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