How do you punish a child right then, if they hit you in public?(7 Posts)
DS (just turned 6) behaviour is seriously getting out of hand. He has never been like this before! I don't know what I'm doing wrong.
Just to give you a background, DS has a severe speech and language disorder (of a three year old) and dyspraxia. I know DS is frustrated etc, but the hitting is something that I can't tolerate. I believe that if I don't do something now, also the fact due to his severe SLCN, his behaviour get's worse.
DS has started to hit me in public, if I tell him to either "stop doing something", "he can't have that"..etc. When he hits me, I'll be down his level and I will say "NO, hitting", or I will take away something from him (e.g., a toy he is holding). DS always screams blue murder when I "punish" him, but I know it has to be done.
I just feel so helpless, like today, DS kicked me because I told him that he couldn't buy the ice-cream in the shop. I took him out of the shop, told him sternly " You do not hit me..". He had his favourite milkshake on him, I took this off from him due to the fact he was kicked me . He literally was screaming, crying, whilst we were
I just don't know what I'm doing wrong, am I in the wrong? It's just getting out of hand that I can't even control DS anymore.
Maybe I am just a shit parent.
It sounds like he's very frustrated, due to his speech delay. When he hits you, tell him firmly you don't like it when he hits you and it hurts you and if he does it again then there will be consequences. I don't see how taking the toy that he's holding in his hand is going to help the situation, it will just lead to more anger and frustration from him.
iI have put mine (when slightly younger) on the naughty step in public places before. They know the idea from home. If we are out, I find a quiet spot (e.g. behind a pillar in a shopping centre) and sit the child on the floor at my feet for 2/3 mins as required. I've only had to do it once or twice, but it does work when it is consistent with the punishment at home.
If I have a few days of bad behaviour, I also make a big effort to pay attention to and reward good behaviour, so the children don't only get attention when they are bad. This helps a lot.
I've also done "time out" in public when needed, but as your child has specific issues contributing to this situation these techniques suitable for NT children may not be appropriate. Given the S&L disorder do you know enough about his cognitive development to know whether he has the capacity to understand that hitting is wrong, or the capacity to understand the concept of consequences?
You might get more useful ideas on the SN board? You are not a shit parent. You're doing OK and will be fine with a bit of guidance.
Thanks everyone for your replies.
Fishbicycle DS has no learning difficulties, cognitively his has average intelligence. I think he does understand consequences, but when really frustrated he just seems to act out. I don't know....
I would stop or take him outside like you are and sit him down if possible and explain how hitting isn't allowed and then give him a few mins time out to calm down.
I wouldn't have taken milkshake off him as he already had and that's nothing to do with hitting. I would not get the ice cream or something you were planning but if it's already happened beforehand I wouldn't then take it off him
At six I did use delayed consequences. At five too, actually. Hitting was a flashpoint for us and trying to deal with it in the moment just escalated the situation, so we used screen bans. I'd either move out of his reach or if that wasn't possible restrain him facing away from me so he couldn't hit. Definitely remove from the environment to a calmer, less public place so that he could calm down. Honestly the "NO! We DO NOT HIT!" wasn't working, so I stopped it as it just drew more attention. Instead I'd calmly inform him he had a 30 min screen ban (which then increased if he hit again). When we got home I would remind him that he was screen banned, which he'd usually whine about, but then accept. It didn't stop overnight but it did slowly get better. DS is a screen fiend so watched a lot - you could reduce if you don't have much screen time anyway.
Later we implemented a "ticket" system where there were six tickets for expected behaviour which he could earn (to effectively act as penalties if he didn't meet them, but I wanted to emphasise the positive) and then "extra" tickets which could be awarded for positive behaviour. At the end of the day he earned his tickets for the next day and I'd focus on the things he'd done well and just inform him that he'd lost his others for X action if he asked. Oh, there was also a bonus if he got all six of the expected ones. He could carry them over to the next day. Even if he'd had a bad day, he normally got one or two tickets, which I liked as there was always something to praise. This system worked really well!
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