Worrying!!!!

(3 Posts)
rascalchops1 Thu 07-Jan-16 10:09:55

Have 6 yr old son. I had terrible PND and lack of support from partner. To cut a long story short, I had a nervous breakdown. I left and my partner, took care of our son very well and finally began to bond with him. I returned after 2 months. My son started going to a local child minder and became very close to her children. He is very good friends with her son. He is in the year below him at school. Before the child minder, he had no real interaction with kids, due to my struggling. He struggled to make friends at school in Yr1 and Reception but now the class has bonded together a bit more and he seems ok. He had a best friend, but after coming for tea they stopped being friends. Which upset me. I have struggled to talk to the other mums at school, although my partner chats away to them if he has the chance. I have slowly begun to chat to some parents here and there and will crack on with that this year. But worried they won't talk to me more as I have nearly spoken for 2 and 1/2 yrs!!! Although they like my partner. Worried about inviting kids for tea and being rejected. Worried that he doesn't have a best friend. He has lots of cousins, goes to the CM everyday during holidays and 3 days after school. Rugby on Sunday, where he has bonded very well with other kids. He is generally liked by people. I have Borderline Personlaity Disorder and had a miserable childhood so am particularly sensitive to my son being happy. I know I have to be careful about laying my own fears onto my son and try very hard to be a good mum. I just feel like I'm a c**p mum. That I never socialised enough with him etc. My partner is not the most supportive person but he is a good dad. I worry especially because he is an only child, my partner never wanted another child, which I always resented. Wish CM son was in the same class. Trying to improve but didn't realise being a mum was such hard bloody work. Just want reassurance regarding school really, feel a social outcast amongst mums and feel my son has suffered because of my problems.

ppeatfruit Thu 07-Jan-16 21:52:38

Well it's easy for me to say don't worry but you obviously do. Have you looked at counselling? CBT would probably be good for you if you could get it on the NHS.

Your son sounds ok and you have to remember that most of us feel the same as you as parents at some time in our parental careers!!

I'd say that because you do care about your child you ARE a good mum grin Of course it's better to not overdo the protectiveness.

Sunblushsister Fri 08-Jan-16 17:46:41

Oh you poor thing. Sounds like you have been through the mill. I've got two kids and what that has taught me is that all children have a different personality. I used to think it was all down to 'nurture' but it's actually not. They have their own little personalities and their life takes shape through them ... You are just there to guide them. So don't think that just because he doesn't have a best friend, he isn't social enough or it's because of something you did. Maybe he just hasn't found someone he really clicks with. As long as he's happy then you know you're on the right track. Good friendships don't come along every day and I know this from my own life where I have spent many years in the past with either the wrong friends that weren't right for me or feeling lonely and not connected to any one in particular. But now I feel I have such a supportive network of great friends. It's all part of life - getting to know people, getting to know yourself. Give him confidence to make those decisions on his own and ... You know what, it sounds like he has a very special friend looking out from him every day - that's you! ... Hope that didn't sound too cheesy. Say it to yourself everyday - I am a good mum - I am loved - I can do this - I am strong.

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