Struggling a bit with my 8 year old and 5 year old

[Dorsetmama]

My 8 year old protests "no" to everything asked of him, from putting on an extra layer to brushing his teeth, washing his hands before a meal, or having a shower. He is given a forewarning before asked to do task eg "in 5 mins its time to wash hands" etc.... But im met with no straight away. I usually leave it at that and when the time has gone i remind him and i either get another no, which at times can be feeble, or big protests usually resulting in the naughty step because he hasn't done what was asked. He is also being increasingly horrid to his other younger brother, whom he resents a bit for being cheerful (my 8 year old is really a 40 year old cynic) and finds him "disgusting" in manner, eg hates my 6 year olds eating habits.... This resentment is building up quite a bit.

My 5 year old, and youngest, seems to have massive anger issues right now. I was thinking its jus a testosterone phase? He is mostly compliant but when he isn't it is hellish!! Resorts immediately to yelling and stamping his foot, despite reprimand or withdrawal of privilege.

They both get what i see as a reasonable amount of reward for good behaviour, and they are the two of my kids who have no SEN needs, i know in part they probably feel a little aside from their brothers who need different things.
I try to talk openly in the family always, am not quick to judge, so i dont understand why their tempers are so quick.
Does anyone have any advice? My 8 "year old concerns me the most, as he is becoming quite verbally aggressive at times, and some physical aggression is starting to come out. Wwyd at refusal to do as asked?

[Dorsetmama]

"Anybody? No? Dust....."

[Chippednailvarnish]

I think 8 is too old for the naughty step and if he said no to me I certainly wouldn't be waiting for five minutes before there was a consequence.
I would outlaw "no" as a response, and if he won't do what is asked I would be removing TV time/ toy/games.
Five year olds are more tricky, if he has just started school it could be tiredness. Either way you have to follow through with a consequence...

[Dorsetmama]

I follow through with consequences. But he gets a chance... I guess i should take away the chance!!

The 5 year old fluctuates a lot, hes been at school a year being 6 in may and is in Year 1.

Today he was a delight. Probably just tiredness and probably being the youngest of 4.

Really 8 too old for the step? Hmmm. I never considered that. My 9 year old goes there too, although rarely as it is only effective in certain circumstances. He gets a privilege withdrawn.

Im gonna have to check myself for consistency.