Da, 9 nearly 10 is driving me nuts. He is fine outside the home but the minute he is back in our company his attitude plummets and is appalling. It's got the point where I dread speaking to him because all he does is shout, sigh tut, roll his eyes or give me a load of abuse. It's his way or the highway, he will not accept anything different than what he wants to do. We know he is on the Austin spectrum and is waiting for a panel diagnosis of Aspergers so I can understand some of his behaviours around food and routine. His biggest triggers are screen time, if he has to come off his playstation/iPad and his sister. He takes his bad mood out her and can sometimes be very cutting to her. However when he decides he wants something, or we are going to be around other people other than out household he switches to lovely and polite in an instant.
I feel like life is one big battle at the minute. I've started feeling sick near pick up time as I know it's all going to start again as soon as he gets in the car.
Sorry no real advice but in case it’s any comfort a friend and I went to a session on teenagers and ASCs and we both said “but it’s no different – our DS’s have always been like that”. We are already experts on the management of grunting and stropping. We can totally blank a rude grunt or an eye-roll and give a teenager all the time in his own room that he could possible want. If anything my DS is better now he’s a teenager. Not sure what to do about the sib thing as my DS is an only child.
You might find it useful to read up on spoon theory – sounds as if your DS is using up all his social-communication spoons outside the house and has nothing left for home.