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Feeling sad about lack of development in my 2 year old

(59 Posts)
Pidapie Sun 03-Jan-16 20:52:17

I'm feeling very sad about how my 22 month old son seems to be slow at developing. I am in toddler groups with similar aged kids who can count, recite alphabet, talk with a great vocabulary, and build whatever they want in duplo. My little one can do none of those things. He can build duplo if I hold a piece for him, and he puts another on top, so he can build little towers, but needs assistance. Same with puzzles, he can do them with some assistance.

He has had maybe 15 words in total, though he's stopped using any of them. He does respond to things I say even when facing away (such as "Let's go change your nappy"), so I know his hearing is ok. He doesn't even say "mummy", but calls banana "mammii" for some reason hmm

We're not due the 2 year check up just yet, but I dread them saying he's too slow, needs SALT or something, and a lot of extra stuff, when to me it's hard enough being a parent without thinking about all that extra teaching. I try to talk to him a lot, describe what we see and count things with him etc. I have some signs that I should try to use more, but I just forget...

I don't know what I can do to help him more, and I don't know if I am overly worried for no reason. My friends' kids seems so much further developed than my son, and it worries me that he will struggle at school. I know it's bad to have high expectations, and it sounds like a brag, but I'm very intelligent so expected him to be the same. Now I'm not so sure, and I don't know how to "relate" to him the same way, because he might not "see the world" the same way I do. It probably makes no sense. He was early with gross and fine motor skills, crawling at 6m, walking at 9.5m, so it's not like he's slow with everything - it just seems to have stalled now.

Please can someone offer me any reassurance or some good advice? Sorry for any spelling mistakes, English is not my first language.

LBOCS2 Sun 03-Jan-16 20:58:54

Is he learning more than one language? That can result in a delay in language learning.

FWIW, some of the things you mention (puzzles, for example) my 3.1yo DD isn't able to do. I've got no worries about her - she just has no interest in them. There are lots of things which check and develop the same groups of skills and you may find that he is absolutely fine with other aspects of them which demonstrate and practice for the same outcome.

He should be due his 2 year check soon if you're in the UK and you could have a chat with them there. Bear in mind though that even if something does come out of it - it's a positive, as early intervention can make all the difference.

ChablisTyrant Sun 03-Jan-16 21:14:38

Our DS is 22mo and at exactly the same as yours. It is worrying because our DD was a fluent talker by now.

We've spoken to our friend who is a speech therapist and she said do get a hearing test because his hearing might be slightly fuzzy. And it is important to rule hearing problems out quickly. ASD is another reason for speech delay - speech regression is a big red flag here. Our DS shows no signs of ASD but too early to know really. Otherwise, she said speech therapists don't tend to receive kids until 3 so you'll have to buy books and DIY for a while.

missmargot Sun 03-Jan-16 21:18:05

None of the 2 year olds I know ( including DS) can recite the alphabet or count. DS didn't have many words until about 21/22 months when his vocabulary suddenly increased overnight and now at 24 months he's spouting new words every hour. I was briefly worried but his nursery and HV weren't worried at all and told me to relax and stop comparing him to other children.

Does he attend nursery or a childminder? It might be worth getting their perspective if so.

Smartiepants79 Sun 03-Jan-16 21:22:42

He's not even 2 yet!! His language sounds quite similar to my DD2 and she is now talking beautifully at age 3. She just wasn't ready. She could however use a scooter and jump with 2 feet, things her sister couldn't.
Try not to worry too much just yet. Focus on what he can do.
I don't remember eithe of my 2 being able do puzzles/duplo/count etc etc. On their own at just 22 months.
Keep talking, singing and reading to him. Introduce a range of toys and experiences and take him to groups so he can learn from his peers. Speak to the health visitor if you're worried but I think he will catch up.
The only thing in your post that would worry me is that he has stopped using words he used to know??

Laquila Sun 03-Jan-16 21:25:43

My 28-mth old can parrot-fashion recite the alphabet, and can count to 10, but at 22 months I'm not convinced he could do either of those. I think he could probably build simple towers at that age.

From what I see of his peers, development within the first three years is very much in fits and starts. Some of them seem much more advanced than him for a while, and then all of a sudden he's overtaken them in another way and I can sense their mothers wondering when it'll all balance out too.

I would try and concentrate on playing together as much as you can, but without worrying about what what you're actually teaching him, IYSWIM. I found that nursery rhymes and songs were excellent for this - my son only knows the alphabet because he's heard the ABC song about 26,000 times! They enjoy the repetition and the sense of familiarity, and the fact that singing generally feels like a game.

5minutestobed Sun 03-Jan-16 21:32:04

My DS couldn't do any of those things at 22 months! Ge probably didn't do duplo or puzzles until he was nearer 2.6 and his speak to still a little behind is peers at 2.9. I'm not worried though, he is learning new things everyday. Try not to worry your DS is still very little, they all learn at different paces.

JarethTheGoblinKing Sun 03-Jan-16 21:32:06

My 2yo has a slight developmental delay, didn't have more than a couple of words at 22months. At the 2 year check the HV wasn't too worried. She said he was at the bottom range of normal for his speech, but he does understand a lot so same as you, know his hearing is OK.

He's been under paeds and physio previously, is now catching up and making amazing progress now he's just two. His older siblings were the same, as far as the speech goes. Virtually nothing until 2yo, and then it all came (oldest is doing really well at school and has a reading age 5+ years over his actual age).

Don't worry too much. And don't worry if you do get a SALT referral. If there is a slight delay, then it's much much better to catch it early.

And try not to compare with friends babies. It's hard not to, but it just stresses you out.

Cel982 Sun 03-Jan-16 21:38:14

My 25-month-old can't say the alphabet, build anything more than a simple tower with Duplo, or use sentences any more complicated than "What's that, Mamma?" (She has been counting to 10 since she was 20 months, which shocked me - I think she learned it from Peppa... hmm.)

I'm not worried about her at all, she's progressing every day and is broadly comparable to the other kids of her age in playgroup overall - but the specifics vary wildly, as far as I can see (i.e. if all the kids were ranked by their ability to count she'd be top of the class, but would be bottom when it came to doing jigsaws).

Please don't panic, but do talk to your GP or HV if you're worried. It sounds like he's doing fine.

MazzleDazzle Sun 03-Jan-16 21:40:57

My DD1 was the last among her peers to do everything. At 7, she is now top of her class at reading, writing and listening. She's way ahead of her peers. A couple of years from now it might all change again.

At your child's age, I really wouldn't worry. Every child develops at different stages.

Salene Sun 03-Jan-16 21:46:05

My nephew never said his first word till 26 months

He went on to win a scholarship at a prestigious university and is now a successful engineer , he has a very high IQ

I'd not be too conceited yet they all develop at different rates. Dont stress yourself

Salene Sun 03-Jan-16 21:46:21


NorthernLurker Sun 03-Jan-16 21:46:45

OP - I recognise what you say about the words. At that age my dd1's speech was very minimal and she would tend to say a few words and then stop using them. Her speech was still very basic at 2 3/4 when her sister was born as we can recall very simple sentences she said at the time about the baby. However shortly after that it all changed and she is became very verbal and expressive. I wouldn't stress about that at this point. Just watch to be sure he is hearing and understanding you and the speech will come.

I wouldn't worry about puzzles etc either. They tend to do what they find interesting and building towers and fitting shapes together doesn't interest some children. What does he like doing?

Pidapie Sun 03-Jan-16 21:51:17

Thanks for all the nice posts! I do live in UK, so we are due a 2 year check up soon. I will have a chat with HV then. My son has recently started going to CM once a week, so I hope this will speed up his development a bit, as she does more activities with him than I do (though I try to do more crafty things). He is learning two languages, so yes, that could very well be a reason to him being a bit slow. I do find the fact his words have disappeared (have only had 2-3 at the same time, then swapped for 2-3 other words) a bit weird. Will look up the alphabet song so I can sing it for him smile Thank you again!

Pidapie Sun 03-Jan-16 21:54:36

NorthernLurker he likes stacking cups, reading books and organizing his little kitchen. And anything that makes sounds and music! So he seems to have varied interests. I have a nephew with ASD and my son seems nothing at all like that, he seems perfectly within the "normal" range if you can call it that.

2016IsANewYearforMe Sun 03-Jan-16 21:59:47

OP, I haven't mentioned this fact on MN before because I don't like to stir things for anxious mums, but I think it might help you to hear it.

The only infant mile stone linked to bring "clever" when they get older (I mean properly statistically relevant) is early crawling. Not walking, talking, toilet training, etc.

Take heart. He isn't even 2 yet. I am sure he will he just fine. My own eldest DD said even less at two, certainly didn't know her alphabet or numbers or colours. Wasn't even interested. When she left primary, she was the top SATs scorer in the school for maths and writing. She was given scholarship offers at independent schools. She didn't look that promising at two. It's a marathon not a sprint. (She did crawl at 5 months though wink)

Salene Sun 03-Jan-16 22:06:51

To the response about early crawling, my nephew never crawled at all and only bum shuffled and then walked at 24 months

But as a adult he is super intelligent. Alright that did show early in primary school, it was the first few years of his life he was slow at things, the he suddenly took off academically

Jesabel Sun 03-Jan-16 22:09:41

2 year olds don't need to know the alphabet song or recite numbers. Honestly, they don't - so don't even worry about it.

His speech and understanding sounds within the normal range for a child learning one language, and certainly normal for a child learning two.

Most 22 month olds are not creating things with duplo or doing puzzles. Try not to worry and just enjoy him!

Indole Sun 03-Jan-16 22:10:11

DD never crawled, at least not until long after she could walk. She is 9 and working at school considerably beyond the expected level for an 11 year old. She could not count or recite the alphabet at 2.

OP, your son will be fine. The vast majority of two year olds who are reciting the alphabet are doing it because their parents have taught them to do so. I bet you could teach yours if you really wanted to but wouldn't you rather have fun with your lovely baby?

EssexMummy1234 Sun 03-Jan-16 22:12:12

yup so i think take the study about early crawling being linked with intelligence with a 'huge' pinch of salt.

Backingvocals Sun 03-Jan-16 22:12:50

Neither of mine could talk at two. No real words at all. Dd didn't even babble. They both pretty bright and articulate at 9 and 6. My mum used to say walking is what they do between 1 and 2 and talking is what they do between 2 and 3 so that puts things in perspective a bit.

timelytess Sun 03-Jan-16 22:16:09

The only infant mile stone linked to bring "clever" when they get older (I mean properly statistically relevant) is early crawling
And I wouldn't put too much faith in that one either. My dd, childhood estimated IQ a slightly off-the-scale 165, recognising written words from nine months, reading properly from two years four months, very clever throughout her childhood, school, university, career/s and still is today as a SAHM, never crawled at all.

Rascalls3 Sun 03-Jan-16 22:37:11

My 22 year old daughter never crawled either. She is currently studying for a PhD, having gained a First at Bristol University ( with only A/A*s prior to uni) She started walking at 16 months. All the children I have known who are bilingual have started talking later than their peers too.

MazzleDazzle Sun 03-Jan-16 22:42:23

The 2 languages explains a lot!

My friend's DD was almost silent until age 3, though she understood 2 languages. She is now 4 and bilingual.

Boosiehs Sun 03-Jan-16 22:49:49

Also, other children might be reciting the alphabet or counting to 10, but they most likely have no idea what the numbers and letters mean (gifted excepted of course).

My DS 2.4 is a bit of a chatterbox now, but only really started after 2.

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