I've posted a few times before about difficulties with my dd's behaviour and poo withholding but only recently have I begun to wonder if there's a connection and I'd be grateful for any thoughts or experiences.
My dd1 (4, Aug birthday) started school in September.she also has a new sibling born in June. She likes school and is making friends and learning a lot but she's been anxious and withdrawn when I collect her. She's not wanted to do her normal activities and has been very clingy towards me.
It could just be a normal reaction to school starting and a new sibling but I have had feedback from school that she's "a nightmare " over carpet time and following instructions and certainly I find discipline a real challenge. She's not aggressive or disruptive so we don't have issues around big things like hitting or damaging things but she doesn't follow instructions about things like "put your shoes on, don't open that cupboard, get down from there". It's constant and exhausting. and she will interrupt constantly even when told not to. She doesn't really respond to being told off or threats. I generally have to rely on her good nature to do the right thing rather than be able to make her. It's worse when she's tired but it's been almost constantly like this since she started school. Over the holiday her behaviour has been much improved except for three days when she had slightly later bedtimes.
The poo issue is that she withholds her poo till she's constipated and loses the ability to recognise when she needs to go. She's on laxatives at the moment and I'm hopeful we can get her back on track as we had this issue when she started pre school too and eventually, after a lot of hard work and rewards, cracked it.
I've recently noticed that she has the same vacant expression and distraction techniques when I'm trying to get her to poo as when I'm trying to tell her off or get her concentrate on writing or reading.
The Dr agrees the withholding is anxiety related. What I'm not sure about is if her anxiety is a normal response to a Summer born child starting school and adjusting to a new sibling or if there's something underlying making school particularly stressful for her. She's always been fine (almost exceptionally happy and confident) in a range of childcare settings but both pre school and school have been night adjustments because of their expectations about listening and conformity.
I posted on the special needs board about adhd as I'd read there was a link with constipation and apparently it can present differently in girls as inattention rather than hyperactivity (though she can be hyperactive when tired and talks incessantly) but the two replies I got suggested asd instead.
There's family history of both adhd and asd but I don't recognise her as having asd traits. She adores imaginative play and isn't fazed by stimulus. It's more concentration and authority that seem to unsettle her.
I don't know what to do. I'm fully aware she might just be behaving badly and the responsibility rests with me for getting her to listen at school, but I don't want to let her down if there is something I should be exploring.
I need to talk to school about the constipation and accidents anyway, and they're always trying to talk to me about her listening but in a frustratingly round about way and always in front of dd so I'm wondering about asking their opinion about adhd or similar but they've previously been quite patronising about my parenting responsibility and quite dismissive about my concerns over her mental wellbeing and anxiety so I don't really know how best to approach it. The talk about the toileting is urgent so I may need to separate the two.
Sorry if this is confusing. Happy to answer any questions
Please or to access all these features
Please
or
to access all these features
Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.
Behaviour/development
School and poo withholding - wondering about SEN
35 replies
longestlurkerever · 02/01/2016 12:35
OP posts:
Don’t want to miss threads like this?
Weekly
Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!
Log in to update your newsletter preferences.
You've subscribed!
Please create an account
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.