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Baby prefers Grandma over me.

(14 Posts)
lovelyleftrubbishright Thu 24-Dec-15 12:26:25

I really hope I'm being silly but...
Me, my 8 month old DD and my husband moved in with my mum about 2 months ago to save money for a deposit on our own place. I look after DD all day until my mum comes home at 5 and then she will play with her until dh arrives home at 6 and we do the whole dinner/bed thing as a couple. DD and my mum have now formed a fab relationship which is wonderful but since she's been off for Christmas it really seems as though DD loves her more than she loves me!
She will SOB her heart out when grandma leaves the room (compared to a little protest when I do, and only then if we're in a strange place), only wants to be held my my mother and basically acts as thought I don't exist.
It's making me feel really emotional and like I don't interact with DD well enough. I'm also funding myself really resenting my mum as she put me in daycare at 3 months old and would leave me to cry myself to sleep etc. Where as I am breastfeeding, play and spend time with DD all day, co - sleep when DD needs it so I feel like I SHOULD be the favourite.
Am I just expecting my daughter to take care of my emotional needs and I should grow up?
Or is my mother just a better mother than me?
I'm dwelling on this, it's always at the back of my mind and I can tell it's not healthy!
DD is healthy, confidant and generally a joy to be around.
I think I really need a slap with a big wet fish (be gentle...)

lovelyleftrubbishright Thu 24-Dec-15 12:27:54

So many typos, sorry!

ThornyBird Thu 24-Dec-15 12:33:42

Aw it's tough but my DC act like they prefer dh to me but it's me they want when the serious shit happens! I have been a SAHM to all 4dc and I think it's just that we become like wallpaper - there all the time.

I can still remember how upset I was when then 6ish yo dc1 did a thing at school about people who care for us and listed Daddy, Grandparents, Aunty X, nurses, doctors, police, etc and absolutely no mention of me confused

I did read out your thread title to dc1 (14) and she said she prefers Grandma to me as she gives her sweets and cakes and Pringles... hmmgrin

LastOneDancing Thu 24-Dec-15 12:39:55

My DS LOVES his Nanny. He talks about her constantly and I just get a 'bye mummy' and a wave when I leave him.

I try to remember how wonderful it us that he is so secure with me that he knows I'm coming back and that he is so happy with his GPs that he enjoys spending time with them.

But I know where you're coming from OP smile

Branleuse Thu 24-Dec-15 12:40:08

all my children have gone through phases of preferring nana or my dp to me. It is a phase. It will pass.

comeagainforbigfudge Thu 24-Dec-15 12:42:03

Totally get this. My dd is 6 months. Teething, frustrated at not being able to move etc so tears galore. OH comes home and it's all smiles and laughter for him.

I only let it get to me when he says some smart Alec comment about how cheery she is. And then she'll have a mega crying fit that he can't deal with. I don't laugh evilly inside when that happens honest

Maybe you should take advantage of this wonderful relationship and take yourself off for the afternoon? grin

Jesabel Thu 24-Dec-15 12:42:48

My oldest said Grandma before he said Mummy hmm

When they're that little they barely view you as a person separate from them, whereas Dad/Grandma who comes in and is all-singing-all-dancing fun for an hour in the evening is an exciting novelty!

ilovesthediff Thu 24-Dec-15 12:45:57

She thinks you and she are the same person still. Breathe. She adores you and you're her mum.

timelytess Thu 24-Dec-15 12:48:19

They do this! Its not just Grandmas. I remember my dgd demanding to be with her daddy and making her mum feel left out. Its quite commonplace. Your baby knows who you are and trusts you to be standing by when she's finished her romance with Grandma. Don't worry. There's only one Mummy.

OurBlanche Thu 24-Dec-15 12:56:09

She does it because she trusts you will come back, you always have and she is securely attached to you as her primary care giver.

Your mum is newer, not so well attached and your DD is still growing into that relationship.

It is a good thing. A sign that your DD loves you in a stable and safe way and feels safe enough to explore new relationships. At 8 months old this is what she should be doing, she is developing her world well.

Don't feel pushed out, feel proud that your DD is a well rounded, sociable baby. You have nurtured her well.

timelytess Thu 24-Dec-15 13:04:13

She thinks you and she are the same person still. Breathe
This made me cry. Its so true.

Sallyhasleftthebuilding Thu 24-Dec-15 13:11:29

Mry dog does this!! Just saying!!

lovelyleftrubbishright Thu 24-Dec-15 13:25:00

Thank you all for your kind words, I feel so much better! I will just focus on being grateful she is secure enough to explore new relationships. grin

OurBlanche Thu 24-Dec-15 13:28:48

smile I read back my post. My apologies, I went into Psych Lecturer mode.

I wouldn't mind but I hated teaching Bowlby etc to vaguely interested teenagers smile

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