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Desperate for help with dd speech upset/stressed.

(24 Posts)
sazzaanderson Thu 17-Dec-15 19:14:38

I am in a desperate way at the moment. My dd is 2.9 and has had a speech delay which we first noticed a yr ago. It took us 6 months to get our first appointment with a SALT and have had to argue our socks off to get her seen again after they just wanted to speak to us over the phone (not seeing my daughter physically talk). We were seen last Friday for the 2nd time and the SALT again said she was behind the "normal" by about 6 months. My dd can say 2/3 word sentences in some instances but she speaks a lot in what seems to be her own language, when we question her she repeats exactly the same sounds again like it really sounds right to her (we have had her hearing tested all fine). Our SALT is going to see her at nursery in March and she can see us in April/May......well that leads me on to the next point.

My dd nursery has a preschool/school attached and she has to go through an assessment to be able to go to preschool. I asked her nursery staff what would she need to be able to do to which I was told with a concerning look on the key workers face, she needs to be able to speak clearly in sentences so me and my husband are now in panic mode, it has really put a downer on our Christmas now worrying she won't be able to go on with her friends and we find a lot of the children at nursery won't play with her because she can't communicate with them, so she sticks to 2 friends she has made who don't talk much and when they have their daily nap our daughter just plays on her own.

Our dd is ridiculously shy and is all settled at this particular School and having to start again we think will just send us back to square one. We are now seeing a private SALT from next week where we are saving/scraping every penny to pay for this.

Sorry for the ramble, but I am just getting beyond upset (often having a little cry about the prospect of her loosing her place/friends) but does anyone have any ideas of what we can do to help our daughter progress, we have tried speaking very slowly, trying to get her to repeat, clapping words out to her....nothing is helping. Really at the end of the line.

AlmaMartyr Thu 17-Dec-15 19:31:51

Hi, I'm so sorry that you are having such a hard time. It is very stressful having a child with speech delay.

I'm surprised that it's been suggested your LO can't go up to preschool properly? That sounds a bit like discrimination although I fully accept I may be way off base.

The friendships thing is difficult...I went through similar with DS and now he's 5 he is apparently very popular at school but it was a long bleak time.

Any idea why there's a speech delay? Has she had her hearing checked?

flowers cake

sazzaanderson Thu 17-Dec-15 19:35:59

She went for a hearing test at the start of summer and nothing ever came back from that. I have asked for a 2nd one which I have been told we can have done in March (that is the 1st available). Well with the preschool it says in the nursery contract that it is done on academic level, to which they have not told me directly but it is clear she is not matching what they want.

I am desperately hoping this private SALT can help us, but I am now at the end of the line in what I can do with my dd to help her at home.

AlmaMartyr Thu 17-Dec-15 19:42:12

Sounds like you've been having quite a tough time of it sad Hope you manage to get another hearing test sorted, it is worth checking

We were told to keep background noise at home to a minimum, talk as much as possible, pronouncing words very clearly. Repeating back to DS things he had said. Lots of reading, lots of nursery rhymes, some word games like looking at picture books and naming things. It sounds like you're doing everything though! It does work but it does take time. Your DD might just suddenly get it or you may find one day that you're not really thinking about it anymore!

nilbyname Thu 17-Dec-15 19:44:02

I'm sorry to hear of your troubles- I'm a hit confused... Is your preschool a prep or a selective school?

I've never heard of what you describe and am shocked!

Keep pushing and pushing. Is there a preschool learning alliance (pla) in your area? Also your local authority with have a early years preschool advisor. Call them.

I'm sure you dd will do just fine, and try not to let this spoil your festive period.

Have you tried a simple picture dictionary like an Usbourbe 1st 100 words, you can use this as a quick reference to aid communication so have your dd point.

Do you sign with your dd- it's another layer of communication and works very well with ALL children.

sazzaanderson Thu 17-Dec-15 19:46:48

No I have never tried to sign with her. She is at the stage where she will sit still and look through books with me for a few minutes then she is off to play with something else.

Yeah it is a private school, however in the district we live we have the option of this school or a school with an awful reputation in serious special measures with Ofsted. It's so difficult.

Buttercup27 Thu 17-Dec-15 19:48:30

First of all I would get her eyes checked. Ds speech has come on leaps and bounds since he has had glasses.
Also they cannot stop her attending due to SEN as this is discrimination.

nilbyname Thu 17-Dec-15 19:49:58

Start signing and keep doing. It's really great.

You need to speak to your early years advisor, as the poster said above its discrimination.

sazzaanderson Thu 17-Dec-15 19:53:36

Thanks for the info will remember all this!

Duckdeamon Thu 17-Dec-15 19:55:11

I'd try to find a private SALT specialising in early yesrs and see what she says. presume the preschool is private! and would ditch it because it sounds like they're poor for DC with speech and language difficulties - there will likely be better places for her.

She's still quite little - my DD was very behind with speech at that age and is doing much better at 5, we suspect she does have some SEN.

QuiteLikely5 Thu 17-Dec-15 19:59:48

Private schools can refuse entry to whomever they want so I doubt you will have a case there.

My ds is exactly like your dd but I'm truly hoping he will be fine in the future. The salt thinks in the next year he will really come on. That gave me hope as she seemed very experienced.

Does she have a language delay or only a speech delay?

MumCodes Thu 17-Dec-15 20:03:51

Have they checked for glue ear? That's what my DS1 had.

His speech was (and is) delayed (other ENT issues) but it's never affected his ability to make friends. At that age little kids only really listen to themselves, so as long as she joins in she'll make friends soon enough. It could be her shyness that's holding her back from making friends rather than the hearing issues.

I've heard that with shy children you should encourage them to do lots of physical things and it helps boost their confidence. DS1 was always physically confident (running/climbing/sports etc) and was never shy. DS2 is ridiculously shy, but he's slowly overcoming it, and I think the time we spend scooting bloody everywhere and hours at the playground are contributing to this.

So I'd suggest you look at it as two small issues, hearing problems and shyness, rather than her hearing problem affecting every part of her life.

And good luck! Don't let it spoil your Christmas.

Kewcumber Thu 17-Dec-15 20:04:36

My DS had speech delays at the same age - we were told he should be about to be understandable about 80% of the time to his primary carer at 30 months which certainly wasn;t the case! When he started (private) nursery at 3 ish there was no indication they wouldn't take him and his language improved quite a bit once at nursery (although was still behind).

He is about to be assessed for auditory processing disorder (he's 10 now) and despite being "referred" for SALT we never did get any. I did exercises with him suggested by a friend who was a SALT and it did help enormously.

sazzaanderson Thu 17-Dec-15 20:06:43

Nursery seem to be working on the shyness a lot and we are doing anything we can to help as well at home. Its a lot of speaking clearly she needs to improve, her understanding of things is fine, she knows what is going on what we are saying/asking it is just the saying it which is the problem. She is due for a 2nd hearing test in March (1st appointment I could get).

insan1tyscartching Thu 17-Dec-15 20:08:26

To be honest if your dd has any SEN be that speech delay or anything else she would be better accommodated in a state school simply because health services will see her through school whereas in a private school you would have to purchase those services yourself.

YeOldeTrout Thu 17-Dec-15 20:09:40

If she understands everything you say, then how can she have a hearing problem?

YeOldeTrout Thu 17-Dec-15 20:11:29

... early SLT is about listening exercises. You can get an appt. with private SLT for assessment and basic guidance in the listening exercises.

Duckdeamon Thu 17-Dec-15 20:22:44

That's interesting kewcumber: I feel that the bars for any NHS assessments seem quite high. My SALT friend shared info with me on specific language impairment (think it was by I CANN charity) and it rings bells with me for DD.

If the school really won't cater for DC with sAL difficulties (surprising for even a private primary unless they're very selective or oversubscribed) and you're unhappy with the state options you might wish to consider looking at schools further afield or even moving!

mouldycheesefan Thu 17-Dec-15 20:37:07

My daughter didn't have speech delay in fact was an early talker but Has had problems with nodules on her vocal chords. Was referred by consultant to private SALT and the voice issue was resolved in six months. The .salt treatment started week after consultant appointment so very quick. Our medical insurance paid for the SALT which was good as she went weekly and it was £75 per time. If you have medical insurance check whether they will cover it. I would have paid anyway, voices and speaking are so important. I am assuming that as you are going for fee paying education you could afford it if insurance won't cover it.

Good luck

Sallyhasleftthebuilding Thu 17-Dec-15 20:48:17

Do you ask questions that need an answer? What drink would you like? Rather than do you want milk?

I would recommend flash cards ... this can be a fun game. She says what it is and she keeps the card.

DS and DD had speech delay mainly caused by chatter box big sister.

I would say by not speaking she is listening which a lot of children find really hard. So her learning will be at a big advantage over the chatter boxes who dont listen.

A good school should beable to teat her without her speaking... i know DS teacher did this and he moved to the top groups because he understood.

chipstick2810 Thu 17-Dec-15 22:53:50

Just wanted to show some support. My ds (now 5) had a speech delay and I found it so lonely and upsetting.

I don't really have any advice except that I think they just find their own way out. I blamed myself but now have an extremely chatty and verbal younger dd Md believe it was just my son's personality. My son just sort of grew out of it, typically just when he was finally referred to speech therapy. He did not really have any friends for a while at pre school as he didn't seem interested but since about the age of 4 he is actually now very popular with the other boys. He is still quite shy, but is doing really well.

Good luck with everything, you are not alone

Jojay Thu 17-Dec-15 23:04:58

Is your local children's centre able to help at all? Ours ran a 'Talk and Play' group for toddlerscwithvspeech delays. It wasn't run by a SALT but a trained member of CC staff, but it certainly gave me ideas of how I could help my DD. As a pp said, speech therapy at that age is mostly about listening exercises.

I'd also be open minded about your state school option. Have you been for a look round? If Ofsted have identified problems they should be on the up, and support for SEN , even a short term need, is often much much better than in the private sector.

Good luck.

Duckdeamon Fri 18-Dec-15 08:07:22

Sally, your younger child's speech delay was not caused by a chatty sibling!

The SALTs we've seen emphasised that except for neglect etc these things are not caused by parenting or the family.

Sallyhasleftthebuilding Fri 18-Dec-15 13:05:54

Rubbish - i would ask who wants a drink and DD would say - do you want juice - nod or shake -
They came on loads when she went to nursery - she thought she was helping and being nice.

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