Lost the plot this morning with dd(6)(7 Posts)
So, I feel awful. Had a mixed weekend of nice christmassy activities and dodgy behaviour from dd6 and ds8 mostly them bickering/moaning and dd consistently arguing with dh and I.
This morning, ten minutes before leaving for school at the breakfast table, dd starts really messily colouring in a part of her homework sheet that we started yesterday.
me - dd we have to go soon, do that tonight
dd - I want to do it now
me- you're rushing and doing it really messy now, just leave it
dd- i'm doing it NOW
me (taking it off her) can you please stop talking to me like that
dd- (pulling it out of my hand) I want to do it now, YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT WE'RE SUPPOSED TO DO!
me- dd You wouldn't speak to your teacher like this so can you please be more respectful of me
dd- (still pulling) I'M DOING IT NOW, YOU DON'T KNOW HOW We're SUPPOSED TO DO IT!!
baby ds (crying now)
me - DD CAN YOU JUST LISTEN TO ME FOR ONCE - IM YOUR MOTHER AND I KNOW A THING OR TWO MORE THAN A 6 YEAR OLD. WE NEED TO GO NOW.
dd- I"M DOING IT NOW!
me - screws homework sheet up and throws across the room.
Ds and dd immediately run to their bedrooms crying. I feel instantly terrible. pick crying baby ds up and then go and iron homework!
Apologise all the way to school but also explain there's only so much answering back i can take. Both dd ands are both really quiet.
I feel awful, like this is one of those things they'll both remember forever! Please tell me that i'm not the world's worst mum - and how to deal with the constant answering back/arguing?
rushing so forgive me if I write more ecenomically and less tactfully than usually!
You didn't acknowledge her feelings, just imposed your own and denied hers. When she first said 'I want to do it now' that was your opportunity to acknowledge. 'Yes I can see you want to do it now, is there a special reason? We can't do a really carefu job now as it's time to go to school. Why don't you tell me about why you wanted to do it while you get your shoes on?'
Buy a copy of 'How to talk so kids will listen and listen so kids will talk'. It changed my parenting style completely. And don't half apologise while justifying yourself. Screwing up her homework was not defensible. Just tell her you're sorry you lost her temper.
BTW if she does her work messily she won't get a good mark. That's a life lesson
Well you lost your shit but you apologised. I have form for this type of thing too. Looking at how it all started/who said what, maybe saying 'we need to go now but how about I help you with it after school?' would have helped it not to escalate? I think you threw down the gauntlet with her when you told her she was doing it messy . It's bloody hard to stay calm in the morning though I know, but (in theory!) it should be easier for us to stay calm and rational than them. So you're not the world's worst mum, just fallible.
I know. I know it was indefensible, I also need her to know i'm only human and have had enough after a weekend of her arguing with me. I mean she's really going through a will argue black is white phase. I have that book but admittedly haven't looked at it since ds was going through a similar phase. I'll have a look at it while the littlest naps.
Yes I think you're right Apologies - in hindsight yeah I definitely shouldn't have said that - but it was really messy!! and she's a neat freak usually! I think I've got into a cycle of just arguing back. Monday morning's always a bit rushed anyway which didn't help.
I was interested by your saying 'I also need her to know I'm only human' - I think we all feel that when being driven insane by our dcs, but when you're dealing with a 6 yo, I think it's too young for them to get that. You're just grown up mummy. So maybe try to let that feeling go. You could maybe start the process of her understanding by trying something on her level when things calm down like, 'it hurts my feelings when ...' but I think hoping for appreciation is optimistic. At that age, they still need you to be the fount of all wisdom and not have normal human frailties! Mind you, I'm still waiting for that understanding from my 16yo DD!
BTW, it wasn't indefensible, it was just human, and they won't be scarred for life! Apologise once and move on, then they'll forget it all quicker! Regard it as a valuable lesson in resolving conflict!
Hope the day is better when they come home.
I know nothing, only having a 12 week old, but just wanted to say that it doesn't sound to me as if you should be too hard on yourself. 3 young kids on the run up to Christmas - you must be run ragged! Take the excellent advice from PPs on how to handle it next time, but don't make yourself feel miserable over what's been and gone. My dad would have done exactly the same, probably with added impatient shouting, and all 3 of us adored him and still do - your DCs won't be scarred for life or anything!!
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