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Are milestones based on due date? Name says it all!!!

(23 Posts)
Nervouswithnewborn Sat 12-Dec-15 09:39:10

Ds was two weeks early so not premature and def counted as term but hv said might have effect on early milestones. Love hv but she's said some bonkers things (babies can see spirits on the ceiling?...) so wanted to see if this sounded right? Seeing gp for six week check next Tuesday by which point ds will be six weeks four days old and he's so far making eye contact few times a day for few seconds but only smiling in sleep, much more interested in lights etc. Worried gp will say he's behind - was v nervous in pregnancy and worried this may have harmed him somehow sad... He has bad colic too so rarely comfy and relaxed when awake so poor thing not had much chance to smile, at what stage would one worry and what would the next steps be? Thank you!

Doublebubblebubble Sat 12-Dec-15 09:42:27

I asked a similar question as my ds was 12 days overdue and was/is doing lots of things earlier than I thought normal (current 8 weeks old very nearly rolling over) dont prem babies normally get their dates adjusted no matter how early they are? X

Raxacoricofallapatorius Sat 12-Dec-15 09:44:43

Sounds perfectly normal. 6 weeks is only an average to smile and a lot of babies, if not most really do like to look at lights and odd shapes on the ceiling (as opposed to spirits!).

The 6 week check might not be as involved as you think. Here, they check YOU are okay, give the baby a once over, hips, testicles if necessary, few questions, check weight maybe. DD they barely looked at tbh.

I think you DS sounds fine in terms of development but use the GP appointment as an opportunity to talk about the colic and any other concerns. It might really help reassure you.

Babies develop at their own pace. A 38 weeker is full term and you probably would not expect much difference between them and a 40 weeker. My 36 weeker met all milestones early for example.

Nervouswithnewborn Sat 12-Dec-15 09:45:05

Not sure...can't find anywhere that gives anything categorical on it!

Raxacoricofallapatorius Sat 12-Dec-15 09:45:36

Doublebubble, prem babies do get their dates adjusted. 37 weeks onwards is full term though.

Nervouswithnewborn Sat 12-Dec-15 09:46:52

Sorry that was to double, thanks for that rax, although bit more worried now as more reason to think should be smiling soon and feels miles off!!

trilbydoll Sat 12-Dec-15 09:46:57

DD1 was 2w late and DD2 was 1w early and yes, so far, DD2 has been very slightly behind DD1 at the same age. I know waiting for the first proper smile feels like years but before you know it he'll be running around and this will be a distant memory!

Fwiw dd2 wasn't smiling at her 6w check and the GP said if she wasn't by 12w to go back. Babies are all so different, there's a huge range of normal. Try not to worry, they're very resilient flowers

Preminstreltension Sat 12-Dec-15 09:48:20

Definitely on due date. Plus they are all nonsense smile. Even non-premature newborns are not ready to be born yet. My midwife told me the first ten weeks is basically an extra trimester. It's just because of humans' outsized heads that they are born as early as they are iyswim. They have to come out then as any bigger and our bodies couldn't birth them but nature's designed a further stage of horrendously noisy hibernation until they are really ready.

Also your poor DS is having to adapt to feeding with an immature digestive system hence colic. No wonder he's not smiling much.

Dd was a bit prem (5 weeks) and she did bugger all for three months. I have pics of her her first Xmas (at ten weeks) and she looks as though she's been drugged. She woke up at about four months smile

TattieHowkerz Sat 12-Dec-15 09:51:48

My DD was born at 38 weeks. Didn't smile til around. 8/9 weeks. She is now a very sociable and smiley little girl!

Raxacoricofallapatorius Sat 12-Dec-15 10:12:55

Noooo. The 6 week thing was meant to be reassuring. It is JUST an average. So many babies do not smile then. Some smile at 7 or 8 weeks. Or 9 or 10. As another poster said, wait until 12 weeks and you are still waiting, there is a possibility you might want to consider him a late smiler.

My 36 weeker smiled and laughed from birth (I know it sounds ridiculous, the midwives said it does happen occasionally and they confirmed I was not hallucinating). My 38 weeker was a later smiler at 2/3 weeks. Both developmentally unremarkable, just different. My friend has a 12 month old and he first smiled at 13 weeks. He is the sunniest, happiest, smiliest wee boy in the world. smile

Nervouswithnewborn Sat 12-Dec-15 10:18:13

Thanks everyone! Think in truth have a touch of pnd or maybe more anxiety and going to talk it through with gp next week. He's so lovely and it breaks my heart that he seems so unhappy so often. Does look at faces and makes some eye contact each day just seems to prefer looking out the window and previously the ceiling light! Was wleo born with jaundice which apparently has an impact sometimes. So much different info out there! Is awful to wish this time away I know and wanted this for so so long but think may not be cut out for this stage very well. Mum and husband lovely and think am being mad which is both helpful and not helpful smile

scarednoob Sat 12-Dec-15 17:58:26

DD was a 37 weeker and I was hysterical over the lack of smiles, esp as younger NCT babies were doing it. She started small smiles at the end of week 7 and by week 9 looked like this! Now at 12 weeks she smiles a lot on seeing us, not just when we work for it. Yours will get there soon.

One thing I did realise was that I wasn't doing enough to make her smile - I started playing more games and getting more up in her face grinning like a maniac and that worked, esp jiggling her little legs and singing. Try different things and mostly don't worry - I made myself miserable for nothing!

Nervouswithnewborn Sat 12-Dec-15 18:36:45

That is a gorgeous gorgeous photo!!! Thank you, so reassuring!!! Xxx

scarednoob Sat 12-Dec-15 20:54:15

Ah thank you!! Honestly, I wasted 2 weeks googling stuff. Don't be me. Just go and sing to him and pull silly faces. He'll be beaming back any day now!

MiaowTheCat Sun 13-Dec-15 16:02:36

One of mine was a 33 weeker, one a 36 weeker - both did social smiles at roughly the point based on their due date though. DD1 definitely didn't have smiling down at her 6 week check and DD2 was only semi-cracking it by then - both have generally developed beautifully and people look at me as if I'm bonkers when I tell them how early DD1 was now!

Nervouswithnewborn Mon 14-Dec-15 10:11:07

Thanks so much for all this! I think a key concern is that he's just not very happy because he has such bad colic so never relaxed or comfy enough to smile which breaks my heart. Seeing gp tmrw about it all xxxx

scarednoob Mon 14-Dec-15 16:32:09

Yep. My friend's DD had reflux, didn't smile until 12 weeks, and hardly at all for her first year. She's the happiest most sociable 4 year old you'd ever meet these days, but she just didn't have much to smile about at first!

I think be honest with yourself - are you smiling once and giving up, or really persisting in finding out what tickles his funny bone? I realised when I watched my OH that I gave up far too easily and wailed that she was never going to smile. He was so much more relaxed and natural with her, singing stupid songs like "wee wee baby" when changing her nappy (to the tune of teletubbies - try it, surprisingly catchy!), and of course she smiled at him first!

Nervouswithnewborn Mon 14-Dec-15 17:31:38

I do smile at him loads just honestly only maybe total of 15 mins a day at mo where he is awake and not feeding, crying or clearly uncomfortable sad. Will def try singing though!

Nervouswithnewborn Thu 17-Dec-15 16:06:55

Quick update - huge big grin this morning!!! No repeat yet and lasted two seconds or so but definite smile!!! And not just for granny! Xxxx

Preminstreltension Thu 17-Dec-15 16:11:10

Yay grin

AnnaMarlowe Thu 17-Dec-15 16:28:43

Ok, the whole milestones thing, other than if your child is massively, massively behind, are meaningless.

Please, please don't worry about them.

Some examples:

My twins were very early walkers. A good 8 months ahead of most of their peers. They are 8 yo now and it has been indicative of precisely nothing. I can see no correlation between how early my NCT group's children walked and how they are doing academically, socially or anything else.

They were also considerably behind their peer group in speech. They could only say a few words when all the others could sing 'happy birthday'. Again this has not proven to be a useful measure of anything. My children grew up to be highly articulate and the DC who were ahead at 2yo are not ahead academically now.

Only use the milestones as a rough guide.

scarednoob Thu 17-Dec-15 17:04:51

Ah how lovely! They will be few and far between at first but he will soon learn that he gets a good response and keep doing it!!

Nervouswithnewborn Thu 17-Dec-15 17:12:19

Thanks all - love mumsnet so helpful and kind! X

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