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2.2 yo lovely MOST of time but has awful pushing/hair pulling moments

(4 Posts)
clio7788 Mon 07-Dec-15 17:23:31

My DS is 2.2 and has recently started going to a cm. He loves her, and generally gets on with the older children she looks after, but he finds it really difficult at playgroups and also with younger children in her care. In playgroups, he can be fine and then suddenly will want to start hugging other children (usually pulling them over in the process, sometimes scratching them), might start pulling hair, pushing children etc. These phases also come and go when he's with the cm. There doesn't seem to us to be any rhyme or reason to it, ie might be over a toy, might be for no apparent reason the next time. He's as likely to do it with me or DH as he is with the cm, and we are both using the strategy of telling him "no, that hurts/not nice etc" then taking him out of the thick of it to calm down. This seems to be starting to work, but progress seems a long way off. He's normally a very happy little chap, and I'm sure cutting back molars, having a stinking cold & getting to grips with talking don't help matters.

I'm making appointment(s) with our HV as I want to rule out any hearing or health issues that might be playing a factor, but I would really welcome any advice people have to give on this, as it is stressing me out knowing that he is causing havoc, and I feel bad for him, the cm & anyone on the receiving end of him in one of these moods! If you've survived a phase like this, I'd love to know how you managed it. I'm feeling the fear of him never being invited to anything if he continues to be a monster sad

Yamyam13 Wed 09-Dec-15 12:07:30

Hi Clio7788
My DD is 2.3 and very similar. Sweet, sparky, intelligent and talkative girl, with a very caring and attentive side but since turning 2, when she got bumped up into the pre school class at her nursery (leaving her one of the youngest, rubbing shoulders with 3-4 yr olds) she is prone to some pushing, hitting, and hair pulling, toy related or random.
Initially I put it down to picking it up from the older kids & an age related phase, but as its been going on for some months now, and having witnessed that she is the often the instigator ( ! ) I am starting to grow a bit concerned! She is very good about saying 'sorry' once prompted and giving a hug to the victim, and her nursery dont seem concerned, but, I too am worried about this. If its any consolation though, both of ours seem to be at it at the same age! So perhaps its a natural phase... But would love to hear from others too! Sorry to jump on your thread!

Playthegameout Wed 09-Dec-15 14:01:26

My ds is 2.2 too and very similar. He's a happy and very articulate chap but he's also very tall and strong for his age. I've had a few moments at play group where he's been over zealous but also a few naughty moments at home. I've spoken to our cm and hv and they both say it's a natural phase. He's sussing out interpersonal relationships and seeing what reaction he gets when he pushes the boundaries. We're just trying to do the same as you, calm , consistent and taking him away from things for a cool down. It's flipping hard work though!

clio7788 Fri 08-Sep-17 08:18:21

I thought I'd update this, just in case anyone else was going through a similar phase and found this via Google search!

What happened next: we mutually agreed with the cm to change his setting, largely because she was struggling to look after the other children in her care with this sort of behaviour going on. We moved DS to a nursery into a relatively small room, so that he wasn't overwhelmed (some of the playgroups he'd been to with the cm were very full-on). The nursery thought he was behind with his speech & communication, and put some extra resources in for his key worker to build up his speech and confidence: which worked wonders. The behaviour reduced with time, as his speech came on as well as his general confidence and he made friends. He can still be a bit handsy today - he's about to turn 4 - but I'd say it's in the normal range of scrapping over toys. With hindsight, I would say that it was a combination of adjusting to both parents being at work (DH had been at home with him ft until that Oct), getting on with the cm but then being unsettled by younger children, and being somewhat behind other children with his speech. Nursery certainly helped, though it took a while for him to settle in. That said, he's just started at a new-preschool and that seems to be going very well! (Don't want to speak too soon, though...)

If this is similar to your situation, the moral of the story was that this was essentially a phase, but it was a phase that benefitted from some additional support from the nursery, particularly around language and relating to others. Don't be afraid to get support from your HV and children's centre, either - both were really helpful. If this is similar to your situation, have some virtual cake: it's a bloomin' tough phase to go through. Solidarity!

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