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9 year old dd scared of dying all of a sudden

(4 Posts)
Em4891 Tue 01-Dec-15 21:58:34

Hi Mums,
My 9 year old dd as all of a sudden said she is scared of dying and is crying her eyes out .
It all began 3 weeks ago when she randomly didn't want me to leave her at school in the morning .
Myself and her dad who are divorced have both had this response and through the days have asked her if she's being bullied etc
She opened up to me last week saying she's scared of growing up and frightened of going to secondary school . A week later it has now come out she is scared of dying and so worried of myself or her dad dying and her not being able to see us anymore .
I have tried reassuring her that we aren't going anywhere for a long time and she shouldn't worry about it .
I was just wondering if anyone had been through similar and how you dealt with it as it is now effecting my dd schooling , eating and being able to relax . Tia x

boboboo3 Wed 02-Dec-15 01:54:59

Hi,
I haven't experienced this with my child (he is only 5 weeks) but... This is something that I struggled with in school. I would often, at probably the same age, ask my parents to hold my hand whilst I slept, ask then if they were going to die & get quite upset.

It didn't kick in really bad until high school, first year, I just had this awful thought one day in maths that something might happen to them & started crying. For the next three years at high school I couldn't shake the thought & had my mum pick me up every lunch time to have dinner with her at home before going back o school.

I did eventually grow out of it, but even now I'm still a worrier, it's in my nature & I'm at my happiest when I know everyone I care about is safe and well. For example when they are going on a plane on holiday, I will track their plane to make sure they arrive safely.

I'm sorry I can't offer any advice but I just wanted to let you know that I have been through the same thing... It does eventually get better. I think you've just got a very caring little one on your hands!

SpartaCarcass Wed 02-Dec-15 17:22:31

My DD who is about the same age started this too. She would come downstairs from bed sobbing. Sobbing saying she doesn't want to die.
It didn't seem an immediate thing - more a long term fear.
This happened a for about a week. Waking in the night crying, randomly saying she had intrusive thoughts while eating her dinner.

I spoke to a teacher at school who sent home a book to read together about dying. It DID NOT HELP. She cried from page two and for half an hour afterwards. Sobbing.

I said she should think of happy things to block out the bad thoughts but we know that's easier to say than do.

I decided it must be something to do with the events in Paris. Although she has no internet access and does not watch any adult TV - still they had an assembly at school with two minute's silence. Plus she hears the radio news in the car which is designed for adult's ears.

A breakthrough came when we were listening to the radio and they started talking about Paris - she covered her ears completely. I said listen to this and she refused. But I said listen - the news is telling us they have found the bad men and shot them. They are all dead.
DD looked visibly relieved!

Since then she has been less fretful and hasn't come down from bed crying since.

Sorry long post but it does match up with the timings you mention and sounds exactly the same. Maybe you can subtly mention Paris and work out if it is related. Maybe again see if you can get her to overhear how the bad people have been caught and stopped.

Good luck - it's heartbreaking isn't it.

WombOfOnesOwn Thu 03-Dec-15 21:39:19

You know, what helped me in this phase was finding out about philosophy--understanding that no one wants to die, not really, and that most of us would choose to live always and have those around us live always, and that philosophy is about coming to terms with our limitations and our minds. I really enjoyed knowing that even though these questions were big and scary and difficult, they were questions people had been thinking about for literally thousands of years and probably even before that.

There's something comforting in the idea that even cavemen (and women) were likely to experience some of the very same fears, at least to me.

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